When boys play at being men, the end results can be disastrous

"You couldn't be that man I adored..."


I'm in the clear for the rest of the weekend, and I have no intention of doing anything else but suiting myself. Thanks to Sissa for giving me a hand this morning so I could catch everything up, and now I'm good to go. Furious still, but good to go.

And it's a good, clear, not-even-losing-my-speech fury. There's nothing left except that. I'm not broken, I'm just angry. And it's clear now, and there's nothing here. I was hoping that things would be salvaged that can't. My fault, I guess I was more of an optimist than I would have believed possible, and that's fine.

I refuse to give that up. But just because you never grew up, and you want to walk in place? That's your own problem, and not mine. You can't fuck her, and have me to give you everything else. You don't get to have a "relationship" with her, while I fill all the rest of your needs. Doesn't work that way.

I deserve better than that, and you deserve to lie in the bed you chose. Bored, and dealing with what you wanted. And it *is* what you wanted, and you deserve to be bored brainless. She can't even have a decent conversation, and we both know it.

You don't want me, you don't love me, you don't need me, you're an adult and your own person? Fine. You wanted it that way, now go ahead and prove it. I have proven that I'm an adult. I'm standing here, in the clear, and I'm not ashamed of what I've done.

I haven't hurt you. I didn't abandon you. I fought for you, I helped you. I loved you, I trusted you, and I did everything in my power to make everything work. I bent over backwards helping you, and keeping everything running smoothly for you, over and over and over. I tried to be what you wanted, and tried to give you what you asked for. Even when it hurt me. Even when it was wrong, and made me feel like shit, so that it would make *you* happy.

And you did...absolutely nothing in return. Does that make you feel good about yourself? That you would treat someone that way? What does that say about you as a person? As a man? Because what it says to me is that you're not a man, you're still a boy, playing at being a man.

A man stands up for his friends. A man doesn't abandon those friends just to get his dick wet. A man is loyal, and backs up his words with actions, and a man is honorable.

Boys play. Men? Real men, act with respect, and with conscience, and with integrity. Apparently I need to remember that, before I get myself mixed up with anyone else, and take a good, hard look at people before I get emotionally entangled with anyone again. Because I refuse to be walked all over again, by boys.


Now playing: Torn - Natalie Imbruglia