Idiots on parade

Do you know, at the base of it, why I wasn't entirely comfortable with the idea of us having children together? Because while we were together, living "as a family", the three of us, with Monkey? When she wanted to call you Dad, you weren't okay with it. It unnerved you. You were always Danny. You didn't want to be her dad, and that was alright, I suppose. Because, honestly? If that was how you felt, that was your right. Because she was always mine, and never yours. You never wanted her to be yours. You were perfectly willing to make one with me, and that one would be yours. But my daughter? That wasn't something you wanted.

But my subconscious couldn't accept the idea of making a full-fledged go of things, building a family with someone, who didn't want my daughter. Oh, you'd've taken her. But she wasn't what you wanted. You wanted one that was *yours*. That wasn't fair, not to me, not to my daughter. Sure, you wanted a family...with a flesh-and-blood version of a miniature you. But not something that wasn't blood-tied to you. What was mine, that wasn't good enough. And something inside of me rebelled at that thought, whether I actively embraced it or not. I just never quite caught up.

Then again, I always did do what was best for my child, whether it was best for me or not. Something that your precious princess never seems to give a damn about. It breaks my heart, knowing that Monkey lost you, because I had to explain it all to her. She didn't visit at all while princess was living here. And yet, within two weeks of her moving out? She came down to visit. Because I wasn't willing to have my child exposed to the crotch-grabbing, "love-fest" that your precious princess flat out refused to put on hold, so my daughter could visit, as I recall. No, I was informed that my eleven-year-old daughter would need to "face the reality of the situation", and grow up, and deal with the fact that we'd broken up, and your princess owned you now, and damned to anything that would stand in her way of having you in her bed for a few days, so my daughter could see me.

No, I elected to not let my child be exposed to that sort of thing at her age. That just didn't seem appropriate. It was bad enough that *I* was having to watch her shove her tongue down your throat, and grabbing your crotch at every opportunity. I sure as shit didn't want Monkey getting an eyeful of that. And even that didn't faze you. The sheer gall of it all. The fact that Monkey asked to see you, and you didn't come, had no time for her. You wrote her off, without a backwards glance, after seven years. Because she wasn't anything to you. She was, after all, mine. Not yours. Nothing could have hammered that home more than that complete disregard for her feelings.

But I never allowed that many people to drift in and out of her life. I didn't let multiple people become attachments in her life. Not like poor Cora. I can't imagine the kind of life she has to have. She's lost so many people, and her mom just doesn't seem to give a shit, as she moves from one to the next, to the next. And none of her mother's so-called friends ever bothers to say or do anything to try and make an impact on what it's doing to the child in the entire fucking situation.

I can still vividly remember Cora asking me about her sisters...and me having to try and figure out who/what/when/how she was talking about. Because I didn't realize that Ronnie had other children. And then figuring out that she no longer has any contact with them, because that was part of the series of discards in her mother's life, just another thing that doesn't matter in grand scheme of what Mona wants. Cora was attached to them, but Mona wasn't anymore, and that didn't matter. Cora loves someone, and is attached, but if it doesn't suit princess' mood swings, or whatever it is she happens to be up to in whatever given year, then Cora gets screwed. Ronnie, and his girls. Stewie. Me. Doug. As she moves on through her happy-go-lucky life, not giving a shit about how it might affect her daughter, to have the people she's attached to be cut off and cut out, just because Moomy gets a stick up her ass about any given thing.

On a similarly-veined topic, but not entirely the same. Having gotten a fair read through the blogs Mona's posted recently, I have to say this: Deja vu. Last year, she blogged quite a bit, just before the dumping of Doug. I know, as I was the one reading those, about how he made her so happy, and she was so grateful that she could finally feel like herself with, and it was so wonderful to have found someone who she could settle down with, someone who loved her unconditionally and who she and Cora could be a family with, blah blah fucking blah. Now, off to the side there, from those blogs, she was bitching vociferously to myself and Danny about how Doug wasn't the best thing ever, and how he was cheap, and was kind of mean, and how things were unfair. This was at about the same time that his parents insisted she move out of their house, and she had to move in with Kat, and then in with me and Danny. But to the best of my knowledge, the only people she ever outright expressed displeasure with Doug to, were myself and Danny. The blogs, Doug himself, everything was sunshine and fucking roses, right up to the day she dumped him.

She called him her love, she told him everything was great. She went "home" to their house, continued screwing him, ate meals, went on dates. Everything was copacetic right up until the night she broke up with him. And even then, she still cried and said she loved him. Blah blah, cry me a river. Doesn't matter that she was playing tonsil hockey with Danny in the kitchen on the night of Danny's birthday, while still with Doug. That doesn't count, because, hey, wasn't sex, right? Oh, no. That doesn't matter. And the crassness of doing such a thing in front of me, three days after our breakup, that doesn't count either.

But she wrote blogs about how happy they were, and when they went to the fair, she had an absolute shit-fit, because Doug didn't buy her a three dollar little green necklace. Never mind that she could have purchased it for herself. She was livid that he didn't buy it for her. Ranted about how he ruined her entire Big Fresno Fair experience. And on, and on. All because he didn't buy her a little trinket. What Doug got out of the Fair? He thought they were there to spend time together, and enjoy each other's company. Mona thought they were there so he could buy her stuff, apparently. At least, that was what she ranted to Danny and me about later that night.

So I find it somewhat amusing that having read the year-ago blogs, and am reading the current blogs, since they're virtually identical. Hell, if you change out the names, she could have just lifted one from the other, and called it good. Makes me wonder if there's another set of people that she's bitching to now, about how miserable things are at home, and if there's someone new on the string, to take Danny's place, now that he's not swimming in cash, the way he was when they first got together. And I've heard all the excuses about how she pays her own way.

But I also have been with Danny, and he doesn't realize just how much he spends, without noticing. And the money he's used to having is gone now, because his bills are simply too high for it to be any other way. And princess doesn't like paying for anything herself. That isn't the way it works in her world. The man pays her way, and when he doesn't anymore, as Doug explained a couple months after the breakup when he put the pieces in place, when the money runs out, she moves on to the next man who will pay to keep her in the style she likes to be kept.

Doug got blindsided. When he took away the free-wheeling cash-fest? Danny must've looked damn good. She even called him by all the same pet names, it made my stomach turn. So yeah, deja vu from where I'm sitting, because, well, I'm not the one buried hip-deep. Doug and I talked about it quite a bit, and he felt relieved to be rid of her, and kind of sad that Danny was going to get screwed. I was sort of hoping that Danny was smarter than that, but apparently not.

Danny's Myspace went private today, which tells me there's probably an engagement of some sort in the works, otherwise, why bother shutting it down. He never updates shit on his. I had to tell him to change his quiz thing to remove me as his girlfriend eight months after our breakup, which was kind of amusing to me. So the only thing I could come up with for going private, was to hide the evidence of something like an engagement, which wouldn't exactly be able to be hidden, as I can still see it either way. But, meh.