Good Enough

I'm feeling out of sorts. Someone told me today that this song reminds them of me, and that every time she hears it, she thinks of me, and that it should be the theme of my life, because no matter what I do, it seems as though I wouldn't be able to say no. And that might be true, I simply don't know.

The truth is that everyone who really knows me, knows that however angry I might be at someone, if I love them, I'll always be there for them. I'd take a hell of a lot from anyone, to help them, because I'm loyal to my friends, and they know that. And that gets me hurt, a lot of the time. And I think that's what she was thinking about. And it's true, because it hurts me, but I'd still let someone back in, if I knew I was needed, because that's who I am. And it took some soul searching on my part to realize that's just a part of who I am.

I'd have to give up a part of myself, and become someone that I'm not, to walk away from a friend in need. And maybe that makes me a fool. Maybe it makes me weak, and asking for trouble. But the same parts of me that make me that foolish person, are the same parts that make me the strong, giving woman that everyone values at the end of the day. Because those same traits are what they need to lean on, to be held by, and that they trust. Because I don't let them fall. Because I calm their fears, and I'm the one who is always there with a hand, with sympathy, to quiet the voices when they get too loud, and to help them through when it's too difficult.

I'm the person who keeps their secrets, and keeps the dark at bay. Who will always have a candle in the window, and has coffee all night long if that is what's needed. And I'm not sure if that's a bad thing necessarily.

So fine, I wouldn't be able to say no if he asks to come in. I can't push away when it hurts me sometimes. And that makes me a fool, because I'll never be good enough. But at the same time, I'm still the friend I always was, for everyone else, and I'm still the friend I was for him. Whether or not it matters anymore is irrelevant now. *I* am still that person, because that is me. I can't and won't change that, more fool me.

I don't want to play stupid foolish games. I don't want to sit and argue about anything. It isn't a contest of wills to be won, and it isn't a competition. There's not going to be a winner, and everybody loses. Everybody already did lose, so why keep fighting about it?

I'm so tired of being alone, and pretending that I don't care about anything. Because I do.

Under your spell again.
I can't say no to you.
Crave my heart and it's bleeding in your hand.
I can't say no to you.

Shouldn't let you torture me so sweetly.
Now I can't let go of this dream.
I can't breathe but I feel...

Good enough,
I feel good enough for you.

Drink up sweet decadence.
I can't say no to you,
And I've completely lost myself, and I don't mind.
I can't say no to you.

Shouldn't let you conquer me completely.
Now I can't let go of this dream.
Can't believe that I feel...

Good enough,
I feel good enough.
It's been such a long time coming, but I feel good.

And I'm still waiting for the rain to fall.
Pour real life down on me.
'Cause I can't hold on to anything this good enough.
Am I good enough for you to love me too?

So take care what you ask of me,
'Cause I can't say no.

*Good Enough - Evanescence-