*ahem*

I was going to rant. I'm actually still in the mood to rant, and I suppose I could. But I'm awfully tired, and while my mind is still revving my entire body is honestly too exhausted for me to work up the energy for a good strong lambasting.

Anyone who knows me well knows that at a certain point I go past the point of being pissy and yelling and wanting to punch something, and I get quiet. I'm no longer violent and vicious. No longer loud. I am quiet, and calm. Still angry, and it's a very controlled anger. And that is when anyone who truly knows me well knows that it's time to duck, cover, and run. And to leave me the hell alone, until the dust has settled, and just wait for whatever it is that's set me off to be over.

I haven't had a hair-trigger temper for a very long time now. I still don't. But I have no reached the point of calm. My yelling and being loud is over now. I have nothing left to say to anyone, and no venting to be done. I have nothing left to *say*, which is all I've done for months now. I've been angry, and my solution to that anger was to simply let it out, yell, and be finished with it.

I will not say that I'm not upset, and that I'm not angry. I'm furious. And I'm calm. I'm very calm. It has taken me months of abuse and just basic run of the mill bullshit. Things that have been categorized "misunderstandings" small and large. Things I have been asked to let roll off my back, and to simply let go, by a variety of people.

And through it all? I have stood here, and been asked to be the bigger person, and to accept the unfathomable, in the name of friendship. Sometimes as a favour. Sometimes because it preyed on my sense of loyalty, and my sense of honour and commitment. Because I don't attack unprovoked, and I don't go after people weaker than myself, or kick people when they're down.

And when angry? I vented to people I thought I could trust, who I was under the impression understood or cared enough about me to allow me that.

I have since learned that I was wrong, and I misjudged things. And now I'm finished. I have learned some valuable lessons this last year. Learned them the hard way, to be sure, but learned them, nonetheless.

And I've come out the other side now, calm, collected, and very, very angry. And with no more sympathy and no more regard for the lies or the betrayals of others. And no more patience of the caustic remarks, or the underhanded manipulations, or the attempts at effecting my life. *My* life. The life I have rebuilt from scratch, out of nothing, because there was nothing left but ashes from a bad decision. A life that I'm finally reasonably happy with, and productive in, and handling on my own.

A life that I won't allow anyone or anything to infringe on, or attempt to ruin, simply because they think they have the right to impact it, just because it amuses them. And some people are going to find out the hard way, that the person I am, and the person I was? To a certain extent, are still the same person. I'm not anyone's doormat, and no one can control me. I don't follow orders from *anyone*.

I have, in the past, chosen to acquiesce when it suited me, because I cared enough for someone to make their lives easier, or to help them out. But not because I was ordered to, or for any other reason than my own personal whims. Evidently there are a great many acquaintances of mine that didn't get the memo that explained how my basic personality functions, and that who they thought they were dealing with? Was not, in fact, a simple pushover.

Yes, I am very loyal. Yes, I can be, and have been, very kind to people. It takes a great deal to push me over the edge to the point where I will cause pain to someone that I love, knowing that it's going to wound them. But once I hit that point? Everyone who truly knows me, that once I hit that point, the fallout from my revenge tactics can be both long-lasting, irreparable, and frightening.

None of them are illegal. None of them are physical. And none of them have ever been predictable. And I can wait a long, long time before I bother to get even with someone. But I can and will, always, get even. And I've always found one of my favourite quotations to be "revenge is a dish best served cold".

And I have been pushed well past my breaking point. Heed the warning: I've grown tired of playing petty bullshit games. I have nothing further to say to anyone on the subject of the little drama-fest that has so dragged out for months. I've finished with discussing it now.

I'll go my way, and everyone else can go theirs. I don't want to hear about it, I don't want to discuss it. I don't want to hear anything further, from anyone.

Don't. Push. Me.