Gtalk and shopping

Sometimes I get to be snarky and petty, just because I can. It's vastly amusing to me, the things that go around in my head. I've had a rather strange day. I was until three a.m. *again* last night. Been happening a lot lately. I have got to stop doing that, but I suppose I'll circle back to that later. Whatever.

Okay, where was I? Oh, yes. So I woke up this morning. Well, closer to noon. Anyhow. I got out of bed today, dragged around a bit. And I'd realized yesterday that my jeans were really, really loose. Again. Yes, okay, got it. Pants are a problem again. Keeps happening. Fine, okay. I have some smaller ones. Now, the way jeans are made these days, for the most part, they have this nifty stuff in them called lycra. It's good stuff, makes it look so the jeans are painted on, or they're more comfortable to wear if you're female, or have hips, or whatever. So at any rate, even those jeans of mine are now falling off. But I have some classic regular jeans that I'd had put away, that are the old-fashioned kind, from way back when. The kind with no lycra, that I haven't worn in years. In fact, the pair I had, I kept as a reminder, kind of a "I wish" pair. I pulled them on this morning. And they, too, were too big. Thanks to 'Chelle for having donated the next couple of sizes down of similar jeans, as those at least are fitting for the moment, sort of. They're loose, but not so much so as to be making me look like a clown.

So I went shopping today, to pick up some pants that are several sizes smaller than I've been wearing. Yay? In a variety of smaller sizes, because apparently, I'm going to need them. And during my adventures, I also picked up a couple of pairs of a brand called "7" while I was out. And wow are those bastards expensive. But I do so love the way they fit. And the style. Egads. They do nice things to my butt. I had a good time, kind of. It was rather odd. And I went by myself, which is something I rarely do. I'm not big on clothes shopping in the first place. Honestly? I shopped for less than an hour and a half total. I knew what I was there to go and get, and I was in and out of the mall fairly quickly getting it. In other news? I can shop in normal stores now too. The whole freaking day was weird.

Oh, where was I? Oh, yes. Snarky and petty. For the last probably four months, Danny on Gtalk has been logged out anytime he was at home. When he was at work? Yes, sure. Logged in. I could reach him. But as soon as work was over, he mysteriously went "poof". I got a host of excuses. His phone disconnected him. It just turned off without him touching it. He had nothing to do with it! Honest! Just this laundry list of bullshit excuses. And I found it a cross between hysterically funny, and sadly pathetic. Because I knew damned well that either he was turning it off, or she was, and it was being manually shut down, so that I couldn't message him while he was at home. And since I intentionally didn't call him after work hours out of courtesy mostly, it made it so I couldn't chat with Danny unless he was at work.

About two weeks ago now, I cut off communication with Danny. I haven't called, haven't messaged, haven't gotten in touch. And she knew I'd done it. And at *precisely* the same time, because I'd requested that I be taken off his Gtalk, at *that same time*, all of a sudden? Danny's logged into Gtalk again 24/7. He never logs out. And I find that funny as fuck. Because whether it's him that was logging himself out, or her doing it without his knowledge, the end result is the same. Now that I'm not trying to get in touch with him, he's constantly back logged in.

Which just goes to show exactly how unimportant in the scheme of things I really was. Because I actually had shown enough courtesy to not be calling him when he was at home, so I considered it very rude indeed to have not just asked me to not message him, if that was what he wanted. He didn't need to lie to me and log himself out. It was unnecessary. And I think it's pathetic that all of a sudden his Gtalk "works" now, flawlessly. Exactly as it did before, when we were together. Isn't that something?

Yes, it's petty, and I know it. But I hate being lied to like that. It's just stupid, you know? I just don't understand the point. Why is it that everybody feels a burning desire to treat me like such shit, and that they expected me to take it? As though I'm an idiot, and really didn't understand the mechanics of simple things like how Gtalk works? And that now it suddenly is working flawlessly again now?

Did Danny really think I was that stupid? The same way that Phillip obviously believed me to be that gullible and stupid all the time, when he was trying to feed me his bullshit stories too?

I will never understand men, I have come to that conclusion. Obviously, there is something in my basic self that makes people think that I will pretend to be someone I'm not, and will buy into whatever line of bullshit you offer me. This isn't the case, and when I point it out, no one wants to hear it.

I just don't get it. Like I said, it was going to be basically snarky and pissy. You want to walk around telling bullshit to someone else? Fine. You want to live in some make believe world, and pretend that shit smells like roses? Hey, have at it. But don't expect me to pretend that same thing. I don't like living a lie. I never have. In fact, it's cost me friends and loved ones and things I would rather have, than have lost. But I'm still not willing to live a lie, and pretend to be something and someone I'm not. I'm just *not*.