Snarking about dating and drama

You know what? It's kind of sad. I got a message that needed to be moderated earlier today, that I chose not to post as a comment here, and it made me sad. I honestly don't understand. I'm finally doing reasonably well, and moving on with my life.

Yes, I'm starting to date now, and while that's not normally something I've done a whole lot of? I needed to start doing something besides sitting around and being morose, and crying into my pillows about everything I've lost in the last year. I've been working with a therapist, and I was encouraged to start moving in the right direction. I'm fairly proud of myself. My friends are fairly proud of me too.

The thing is that I didn't *do* anything to you. *You* walked out on me, remember? So the snarky little anonymous comment mocking me for beginning to date, and telling me you can continue to mock me for it, and can keep "doing this forever"? What's the fucking point? I didn't do anything to hurt you? Why the hell do you want to hurt me? You don't want me. You've made that completely clear. Hell, you told me that once before. You don't want me, you simply can't tolerate the idea of me going out, or being with anyone else either. It drives you fucking crazy. Perhaps that's something you need to come to terms with, but for me? I can't just continue to sit around and hope that, what, perhaps someday you'll miraculously become someone you're not?

Yeah, sure, I keep an eye on your blog. When you wrote things about suicide and eating your rifle, you scared the ever living crap out of me, and I didn't like it. The idea of someone I care about killing themselves doesn't sit well with me, even if they're not speaking to me, and don't want communication. But the severing of that communication wasn't something I chose, and I still cared about you, whether you care about me or not. So when you write about the pain you're in, and how you're thinking how easy it would be to smoke yourself into oblivion and wanting to just end it all, yes, it's going to bring me out of the woodwork.

And the blogs went down. And I went away. Then suddenly, they came back up. Which honestly somewhat concerns me again, but there's nothing to be done for it besides a passing concern that you're still alright, but beyond that, because my loyalty doesn't just shut off like a light switch, I just kind of continued with my life.

And I continue blogging about my day to day life. So I don't understand why it is that you're so offended by what I have to say about my life, my dating, or anything else that's going on. I don't understand why you even care, why it bothers you. Why the snarks? I'm not hurting you. I'm not intruding on your life. I don't even know what's going on in your life, and that you're following mine is more your issue, than mine.

I'm not chasing you anymore, I would have thought you figured that out by now. Or perhaps that's it? That I'm *not* chasing you anymore? The last time I went out with someone, you chain smoked in frustration and were furious, and couldn't even explain why you were furious to yourself. And now I'm doing it again, dating someone. And more than one person is interested in me. And I'm finally getting better, and I don't need to chase you anymore, and things have worked out for me.

So why are you angry? We were friends. I never attacked you. I didn't hurt you. Why wouldn't you be happy for me...?