And I know that I can almost see a lightbulb above my head lighting up

And all the missing spaces have now been filled in, by someone I can trust to tell me the truth, who has no reason to lie to me. And now, *finally*, I have my answers to my questions. And I know what I needed to know, and my confusion has been silenced. And the turmoil of my past has been quieted.

And while I don't quite understand the point of the lies to me, I know now that they were indeed lies, and now I can let go. And I have. And I'm glad to walk away now.

I can finally sit peacefully and look at the photographs, and smile at the memories, and the love that we shared, and know that it was there. And I can let it go. And let you go. And be at peace, even though apparently you can't. I can't control that.

I tried too hard, and that was my own fault, and I'm done trying now. It was nothing more than a game to you, a way to make me pay for something that was not my fault. To punish me for sins that I don't remember committing, and that I've long since paid for. You came and you wanted to get even, but the only person that will hurt now is yourself.

Because now I can remember, and now I know the truth. You loved me, and that was what hurt me. The idea that you didn't. That you never did. But that was the lie, wasn't it? That you never cared at all. You don't now, and that's fine. I've finally gotten to the place where it doesn't make a difference now. But you did love me then, just as much as I loved you. And we were indeed happy. Maybe not all the time. But enough of the time that you wanted to be there. And I needed to know and remember that.

So, now I can walk away, and know that I've resolved things for myself, and be at peace with myself. And I needed that. I was fighting a battle with myself, and the past because of a lie. And while I don't understand the point of the lies, I no longer need to. You can fight your battles with yourself without me.

I'm happy now with you gone, because the idea of you, quite frankly? Scares me now. Things you've done, and things I've discovered about you, and the person you are? They frighten me, and I honestly would rather you stay gone. The violent tendencies. The stalker tendencies. The desire to completely consume the person you claim to love? I really am better off to have not been the person you wanted. Better off having ended up not tied to you because of that child. There are too many things about you that make me uncomfortable now.

There's still a slight tug because of the past emotional bond. That will always be there. But overall? I'm relieved that it's over. And glad that it's gone.