Joy, and pain, sunshine, and rain....

I'm still doing my thing at Melissa's, and I'm still content here. I was in Fresno for a couple of days.

I spent Valentine's Day with Phillip, and did some catching up with him, had dinner, watched cheesy TV shows as is our wont. It was nice. Familiar and comfortable. Having some time and space apart has helped us. Perspective helps a lot. I needed that. We're doing alright, and that was good for me to know. I'm glad that I haven't lost him. He's very important to me, and it's good to know that we're still standing.

I am, however, hurting. And both Phillip and I lost something precious, and that loss is going to hurt me for a while. I don't know whether or not it hurts him, but I suspect that it does. But at the end of the day, I learned something that I didn't know, and that when it mattered, he was there for me. He did and does care, and I should have called him and told him what was going on from the beginning, and not just run away from things. I should have believed in him more, and not been so afraid. I should have trusted that he wouldn't have been angry at me for something I had no control over, and that he would have held me when it all fell apart. As soon as he figured out what pain I was in, he did just that. The mistake was mine in not calling for him immediately. He genuinely doesn't like seeing me hurting, and doesn't want me to cry.

I still haven't made any decisions on what I want to do about my living situation in Fresno. I am enjoying my time at Melissa's, it's very serene and comfortable here, and she's wonderful company. I also quite enjoy talking with Shawn. He's quite entertaining, and intelligent. Qualities I admire and enjoy in a friend.

We had a good time this weekend. We played board games, and basically just hung out and kicked back. We ate dinner, because Melissa's an awesome cook. A good time was had.

Okay, that's enough blogging for me, for tonight. Perhaps there will be more later. Perhaps not tonight. I'm kind of tired. Goodnight internets.

Listening to: Everybody Knows - Leonard Cohen