Blasts from the past

Sometimes are good things. And I got one tonight. Well, to be fair, I went and found one tonight. I called an old friend, and talked until the phone died. And it was good. And I missed her. I can't remember a lot of things, which is a problem I have frequently. And you know what? It doesn't matter any more. The things I can't remember. I don't need them. I'll build from what I have now, and work from there. And it was great to hear her voice. I hope she can come up this weekend and visit me, and if she can't, maybe I'll suck it up and go visit her. And if that's not possible either, then damnit, we'll pick a different weekend, and we'll work it out, because I want to see her.

I miss her. It was good to talk and to laugh and to joke. And to exchange witticisms with someone who can speak at a level using words beyond the fourth grade. YAY!

I don't even remember which word she chose, but she rattled it off, and I just marveled that someone besides me throws down seventy-five-cent monstrosities. Awesome.

I've been playing scrabulous with Melissa all day, and I suck balls. I'm horrible. And it's good fun. I need to remember to change out the settings though, because it accepts all these oddball words that are in various languages and whatnot, because I have it set to tournament level, and what I want it actually idiot level. Scrabble being not a game I'm particularly brilliant at, as much as I enjoy playing.

Tomorrow is Shabbat here at Melissa's, and I'm looking forward to it, because I think I will enjoy the ceremony of it. I think I'll actually look up somewhat tomorrow about the meaning behind it, because I know that it's a big deal around here on Friday nights. I like the idea of the symbolism.

I'm doing...better. I really am. Today was a good day for me, and I like that. Even when a few curves got thrown at me, I'm dealing much better than I was, and that helps. Things are settling around me, and I am dealing better.

I thank whichever deity is handy for Melissa's very timely intervention, because I so obviously did need somebody to help me. I honestly am having trouble making healthy decisions for myself these days, and I finally can accept that. Doing what's best for me isn't necessarily easy for me. I'm very good at doing what's best and good for everyone else. I'm great at handling everyone else's problems. But doing what's healthy and best for me? Not so much. And so for right now? I'm letting Melissa hold my hand, and help me. Because my vision isn't always clear, and my thought processes aren't always making sense. And with the distance and the ability to deal, I can at least see that now.

So, I thank Melissa and Shawn for their very generous offer of giving me a home to stay at, and a place to heal and think and the love and comfort and security to figure things out in peace. It's helped in many ways I can't even articulate, and I'm very, very grateful. And your munchkins are pretty cool too :)