I realize that I should, in fact, get out of bed, and be doing something other than writing this blog. But at the moment, I'm curled up under a silk comforter, surrounded by pillows that are not my own, in a bed that is mine, but not mine, in a room that is familiar but different.

It's such a strange sensation, to know that this is comforting on the one hand, but brings back bittersweet memories at the same time. To be aware that I'm finally at a place that I'm okay enough to sleep here, and actually sleep in this bed, alone, without being miserable anymore. It took fully a year to get here, though.

I took off, and ran away again, because that's what I do when I get overwhelmed, I go and try to clear my head. I'm not having as much luck as I generally do, but this time there's enough other stuff going on, solving other people's problems, that it gives me perspective, and something to focus on besides me. I needed that.

I'm having trouble getting my thoughts lined up in my own headspace lately, and trying to concetrate on school and where I want to go, or not go, is giving me kind of an ongoing headache, making decisions was getting too hard, to the point where I couldn't so much as decide what I wanted to eat, much less anything else. And at that point, it was time to just go, and let everything settle.

Things are settling down now. I can't quite kick the flash-point dreaming, I have no control over that, though I'm trying. I'm shutting things down now, and closing them off, and that will help. I'm working on meditation, in the hope that it will make me more centered, and once I get back home, I'll be picking up supplies to cleanse the house, and clear out what I not-so-affectionately refer to as my 'cobwebs'. Sometimes, things must.