You were the right one at the wrong time...words are ricocheting around inside of my head and I cannot make them stop. I cleared out some of the old posts from the myspace blogs, and transferred some to here, and some I simply deleted as irrelevant. There are so many things circling around that i can't make sense of anything, and all I want is to scream. I can't ask for what I want, because I can't quite form the words to make sense, even to me.

My hands are so soft, and so small and they seem so very fragile to me as I sit and look at them. By comparison, yours seem large and rough, capable and strong. I never feel fragile to myself. Women like me never seem as though we should be considered fragile in any way. I realize that's just stupid, but I can't quite get past the stereotype of it. Delicate little women should be fragile and treated delicately. They need to be handled with kid gloves, for they deserve to be handled gently. But women who fit the stereotype I am? We're built differently, and deserve no such consideration. It's bullshit, really. And technically I know I should expect better. I don't know why it is that I'm willing to settle for so very little. I'm not worth more? All of these issues are mostly a product of my own mind, I'm sure.

At this point, even my issues are having issues. Perhaps they ought to all get together and have tea. Or maybe they'll just all get together and get fucking wasted and they'll all feel better when they wake up the next morning. It's a thought.

I have got to stop midnight rambling. I'm not even making sense to myself at this point. I finally got some sleep this afternoon. Houseful of people watching foozball, and I disappeared into my room and took a nap. I guess all the people around made it possible to crash out, although I'm not altogether sure why. In either event, it worked, and I slept for a while. And I slept fairly hard too, because when I woke up, I realized people had been in and out of my room and I never even so much as opened my eyes that I can remember. Creepy.

I'm going to go finish the book I was reading, and make a real effort at sleep. Goodnight internets.