Ranting

And that's what I'm doing. I actually sent out word to everyone who owes us money. And got back? There are a couple of people who I already knew simply don't have it. I assume that they'll get it to me as soon as they can, since I still have contact with those couple, and so I actually feel a little sympathy toward them.

But for the most part, I'm thoroughly sick of everybody. I didn't even get a response from some people. This is going to end up badly, I just know it. And I don't even feel bad at this point. I feel used and useless. Some friends I have, huh? Or I should probably have said "had".

I won't be even making the attempt to help out anybody again, ever. Which makes me actually feel really lousy inside, but what else can I do? Nothing. Helping out other people has done nothing at all in the end but have me end up miserable.

And I have to say, I'm tired of being miserable. Tired of worrying. Tired of even thinking about most of it. I obviously can't judge friends very well, with the exception of 'Chelle these days.

I didn't even want to get out of bed today. I just wanted to lay there and do nothing but sleep. I did get up, but even now, six hours later, I don't want to be awake. I'm too responsible to just take a bunch of drugs and keep sleeping, even when I want to. But man, that's depressing, that I want nothing more than to sleep until all my problems are solved.

How come I have to be the problem-solver? Why does it have to be me? Is there really no one else who can be the responsible one?