I've been intending, for several days, probably nearer to a week now, to put up a blog post about hypocrisy. I read some one's blog rant, and she was carrying on about being a good parent, and not using drugs, and education, among other rants. During the entire course of that post, the whole thing was misspelled atrociously. Not the generalized typos, but really truly horribly misspelled. And she pointed fingers at people and their parenting, and how they treat their children, without ever having had any of her own, it was just a big long piss-fest, essentially. And I rolled my eyes at it, and snarked something to the effect of "pot-kettle-black", and relegated it to the back of my mind.
Something spurned me to again, want to post on hypocrisy. I'm a target, a lot of the time, a very handy target, for anyone who wants to be pissed off at someone. And I allow that a fair amount of the time, because I make a good sounding board, and am usually willing to let things sit, without having a problem with it.
The end result of that being that I know a lot of what is going on in most of my acquaintances lives, at any given time, from all sides. Because everyone under the sun feels the need to have a sounding board, and I tend to keep my mouth shut, unless there's a really good reason *not* to. And this is common knowledge.
The trouble with that is, while everyone I know, knows and accepts this about me. And as a general rule, they're all very happy with this arrangement...*as it applies to other people*. Because I don't go letting out their secrets. I don't tell the entire world what's going through any one's head, and that's a good thing.
Larry told Angela, that Sally wants to bash in Larry's head, because he wants to buy a giraffe for Melanie for Valentine's day, instead of just going to have a picnic!
Or whatever. Because I don't particularly tell anyone anything, because why the hell would I? Unless it's something that's going to hurt someone else, something that effects more than just bruised feelings, I'll just sit and listen. Or unless I've been specifically asked to throw in my two cents to whatever happens to be going on. I listen, I give advice, I move on.
And that's fabulous. Yay. And everyone is good with that. Except that everyone also knows that if it's going to hurt people? I'm not going to sit quietly and allow that. And more often than not, everyone is good with that. *EXCEPT* when it applies *to them*. It suddenly stops being okay then.
Which makes it hypocritical. My fair play and set of rules are great, and everyone likes everybody else, and everyone wants to have me as a sounding board, and wants to be able to use me for advice, and the ability to vent about life...but only as my fair play rules don't apply to them?
No, I don't think so. Because I'm not a hypocrite. And I'm tired of getting slammed for being me, and doing what I do, because great big fucking sticks get shoved up asses, when I've done nothing more than what I always do, which is try to make sure no one ends up not hurt. Or at least to minimize damage when there's no way to avoid it.
Even when it was *my own fucking life*, I tried to minimize all the god damned damage possible, as Danny can well attest to. Because I don't like being a hypocrite, and I'm not a big fan of collateral damage when it comes to the people I care about.
But I am everlastingly sick of getting attacked for being me. I haven't changed my basic personality. I still am going to make the decisions I'm going to make. I didn't step across lines, and I didn't violate anyone. I didn't sit down and ponder how best I could fuck anyone over. I rarely bother doing such things, and I *never* bother doing that to someone I love.
Fuck, I didn't do that anyone I care about. And when they got hurt, and badly, it wasn't out of malice or spite. When someone was incredibly damaged, it wasn't because I was trying to hurt him. And in that particularly scenario, I got massively damaged as well, because I was *trying* to play fair. There was so much collateral damage in that fallout, I thought the whole damned sky had fallen in, and it wasn't just on me. But it wasn't, any of it, because I was trying to hurt *anyone*.
It was because my sense of fair play wouldn't allow for there to be that much hidden sneaking around, and miscommunication, and bullshit. I don't like being caught in the middle of everyone talks to me, and no one talks to the people they *should* be telling the truth to. That's stupid, it's pointless, and it's wrong.
And then deciding I'm public enemy number one, because I don't want to see anyone getting hurt, and blow the whistle? Is equally shitty, on everyone.
And I'm sick of it. Sick of being blamed for being the person who tells the truth, and gets caught in the shitstorm. I cannot understand for the life of me, why it is so difficult to communicate with people. I know why I personally have trouble communicating verbally, but that's a speech thing, not a communication thing. So I write my stuff down, and continue on.
But for the rest of you? What the fuck is your excuse?
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