Sadness

Right now I am currently in the process of being stood up. People have wondered why it is that I have the outlook that I do on life. Well, here it is, in a nutshell. I expect the worst from people, because when I expect to be let down, at least it doesn't hurt as badly when it happens. When I'm not counting on something, there isn't the colossal blow of disappointment in the end.

I would rather just expect to have everyone completely ignore me and get screwed over and have it be a nice surprise to be wrong, than hope for the best and be disappointed. Isn't that sad?

Some people see the glass as half full. I am not the eternal optimist. That's me. Take it or leave it. I'll hold you up when you need someone to keep you going. I'll hug you when you need it. I'll keep everything together for everybody else. But I don't trust anyone else to do that for me, ever. Because no one does. Lessons learned the hard way. Never let it get that far. I can and generally am the strength everyone else takes for granted. The survivor. It's what I do. Who I am. Who people expect me to be. And I'm damned good at it.

I'll never be the girl who walks around smiling all the time. Never be the random life of the party. I won't ever be the girl next door. But I'll always be the one who can be counted on when there's no one else. And I'll always be there when you need me.

I am who and what I am.