Concrete heart...

Is that me? Is it you? I have high walls around a heart made of concrete. I give off a very good imitation of it. Day to day to day. I felt a crack inside that heart that I haven't felt in years, and it scared me. I don't want to feel that anymore. My heart is safer that way, made of stone. It was bashed, and battered and bruised. I had a soft, loving heart once. And as time passed, that heart was damaged so badly, it turned to stone, and spikes developed, a self-protection mechanism. And I built a wall, to keep me safe.

I became over the years the ultimate loner. Always surrounded by a group and always alone. I took who I wanted, and damn the consequences. I never really intentionally hurt anyone. I didn't poach particularly. I wasn't interested in being someone's girlfriend. I had no use for romance. No use for sentimentality. Until one day, I was just rambling along, and I wasn't paying attention.

I hadn't inspected my walls in a while, and there was a hole along the base, about your size. You must've just slipped through. Inside my wall, you see, there are flowers. It can be quite lovely in here. A garden, grass. Pretty things. Pretty thoughts. There are clouds, and sunshine and laughter. Things you can't see if you're on the outside. It's rather austere and forbidding from the other side. But there you were, just wandering around on the inside.

And I was a fool, and didn't realize in time that you were on the inside. I glanced up, and there you were. Didn't look closely enough to notice that you were on the inside, with the flowers. Because I was so accustomed to seeing things by peering over the wall, I only saw what I expected to see.

By the time I realized what I saw wasn't in fact what I was expecting...it was too late. You were inside my defenses...and I was in turn defenseless...I had no choice but to trust you as I asked you to trust me. I never quite managed to push you out of my defenses. I've since decided there isn't any point. Something about you fits inside some empty part of me, and that's something I'm going to have to accept. Even if I have to let you go, that part of me is going to have to accept it.

What you decide to accept or reject, those are decisions for you to make. Those aren't mine. But I've decided to accept how I feel and where you fit. Thanks for that. And for the trust you gave me. And for breaching a wall...even if I did end up filling it back in later...