Monday, April 30, 2007

Ranting

Danny's dad just doesn't get it. And I'm not sure how much longer I'll be able to squelch what I have to say to him, due to a slight case of he keeps calling to ask things from Danny.

He keeps asking things like "What kind of TV will I need to go buy so I can hook up such and so". Or "Where do I go to get a TV tuner for the computer so I can watch TV on my machine?"

And you know what? I get it, he doesn't have a clue what he needs to be able to improve his tech toys. What I don't get is how exactly he can manage to so nonchalantly act as though he didn't just royally screw us over. If he'd never offered to help us get into a house, this wouldn't even be an issue for me.

But the jackass has pushed and pushed and pushed us to buy a house for *years*. And I finally agreed to make the attempt, because he said he would cough up the money needed to get the loan, etc. We wouldn't have even been *looking* had that offer not been made.

But when it came right down to it, when we found the house, got the loan agreed to. All the details were in place. Then he reneged. Claiming that they just couldn't afford to help us out after all. Nope, no money available to help like he promised. And less than two days later he's talking about the two escrows closing, which are about 15,000 dollars. And there's the 48,000 Hawaii property that just sold, that they got paid for. Yeah, completely broke. The way I do math, that sounds like he could've kept his word. But instead, he calls and asks advice on what to buy with the money he claims not to have. And he asks *DANNY*, as though he hadn't just finished telling Danny about how broke they are.

I call bullshit. And every time he calls here, I get a little more angry. And when I get more angry, I get more stressed out. And more stressed out leads to very bad consequences for me right now. And I'm tired of it. He wants to go and spend all that money, hey, not my decision. But he fucked us over. And Danny doesn't even seem to care. He cares when I'm angry, but he doesn't care enough to point out even once to his dad that he's a jackass. That he reneged on something that has effectively screwed us for the next foreseeable decade. I'm sure we'll figure something out eventually. Because we're going to have to. But buying that house would have solved the problems. And now we're right back to square one. And Danny won't stand up to him enough to even call him on his shit. And that hurts me. Because it isn't fair to me. And I realize that having to stand up to his dad is going to suck. But until he does that, his dad is going to continue to take advantage of him. Going to continue to screw him over, because he can. Because he knows there are no consequences for breaking his word. And every time he does it, it drives yet another wedge between me and Danny.

And what really sucks, is that I'm pretty sure that Steve is aware that he's causing fighting between me and Danny. He's never liked it that we're together, and he knows that he can get away with doing and saying whatever he likes, because Danny won't ever actually stand up to him and make him stop.

And the only way I can actually see that would clear the problem is to either cut him off, or confront him. Or Danny and I could break up, and I could find somewhere else to live and start over. But that won't solve Danny's problem, it'd just change the circumstances. Because he's going to do that to anyone Danny is with. And I don't really want to ruin a seven year relationship over something that I have no control over. I love Danny, and I don't even know what I would do without him...but how much is one person supposed to be able to put up with?

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

I know this is a lot to deal with, and we've talked in person about how much this is causing you, not only frustration and anger, but also damage to your psychology. This situation isn't fair, and like I've told you before, there's really nothing you can do about it because it truly is between Danny and his Dad...but what I'm worried about, more than anything (becuase the money problems will be taken care of, sure it may take twice as long, but it will get done)...what I'm worried about is all this stress and consternation causing more seizures. You don't handle stress well, and basically, this whole situation has pulled the figurative "rug" right out from under you. I know how it goes, you need structure, you need security, you need a plan...and it isn't something you can take or leave. I know, the OCD DEMANDS that things be in a nice, neat row, and you can't, (not won't, but literally, can't) deal with the chaos when things that were structured suddenly fall apart. It's just the nature of the disorder. I just worry so much about if there will come a point in all this where, for your own sanity and health, you'll have to remove yourself from the chaos. Because I know that's not what you want, and I know it's not what Danny wants. But I've watched you falling apart through this whole thing, and as much as you try to hold it together on the surface for everyone else, I know what's going on underneath, and I am constantly on gaurd for another seizure. Hell, if the stress from Courtney's juvenile bullshit caused the last one, I won't be surprised if losing the prospects of a home and relief from debts causes another. It's just a mf suck situation and I wish there was something I could do.
I made you a meditation CD, tho...but I eated it. {make puppy dog eyes and pouty lips} I wuv joo...I just want what's best for you.

AnnwynnAsh

Controversy said...

Thank you :) wuv you too. I'll be alright, I'm just sooo....ARGH!