Compilation transfer from Myspace blogs

Monday, April 16, 2007


Doctors visits, MRI's and answers
Current mood: exhausted
Category: Life

As I said, last night I had a seizure. I haven't had one in more than three years, and it spooked me pretty good. Spooked me enough to get into the doctor, and to get myself in for an MRI workup. Official results from the scans won't actually be back until tomorow, but the intial results are essentially this: I still have a big golf-ball sized hole in my brain. It's still empty. Nothing appears to be in my head that doesn't belong there.

Long and short of it seems to be that I completely stressed myself through the wringer, and as a result had a seizure. I can't afford anymore to deal with petty bullshit drama, created by myself or anyone else. I can't get myself worked up to think that I'm completely responsible for someone else's livelihood, or anything else. Stress is *not* my friend.

I'll be going in for a neurological workup as well, once I have the hard copy films in my hand, with a good neuro guy here in town who I've seen before. It's a faster visit than a trip to SF would be for me. And I know he's good, because he's fully willing to admit when he doesn't have the answers, and send me to someone else who does. That's tops in my book of pre-requisites for a neurologist.

So basically it boils down to this. My friends are my friends, and will remain so. People who cause me grief and/or massive amounts of stress will simply end up cut off at the knees, because I no longer have the ability to deal with the bullshit in any form. My family will still be at the top of a priority list for me, but I can't do any kind of scheduled day-to-day guaranteed work, because it sends me off the deep end. Which sucks for me, but there it is.

Right now I'm doped up on Valium and Soma, with a short case of Norco to follow shortly. I hurt, my muscles are screaming in pain from last night's convulsions, and all I want is something good to eat, and then to go curl up under some blankets and chill out.

To anyone I didn't call personally to pass along the news, good and bad, I'm really sorry, but I barely remembered what medications I take when the doctor asked me. So don't be mad if I didn't call you directly, and you read this.

Love you all, and I'll make the getting in touch rounds when I'm feeling better.

6:22 PM


Yesterday, bad things, and tests
Current mood: scared
Category: Life

I'll probably be blogging a lot more lately, because my streak of being busy and trying to be normal again just ended. I had a seizure last night, while I was making dinner. It's the first one I've ever had while I was awake, and it scared me.

Danny is home today, and I'll be calling my doctor in just a minute. I'm due for a slew of tests, and I guess now is going to be when I go for them. I'll put up information when I have it, but all I know right now is that I had a new seizure, and I'm scared.

I won't be driving for a while. I won't be doing much of anything for a while but pulling back into my coccoon and trying *not* to get stressed out, since the stress lately is probably a good part of what kicked off the seizure.

So I don't want anybody to feel offended if I'm not as available as I was, I just need a little time and space to figure out what happened.

Love, Crys


Saturday, April 14, 2007


I am the mad ninja!
Current mood: chipper
Category: Life

Well, me and my calculator at any rate. So today was go grocery shopping day. Which is kind of a suck, because we're still broke. We'll be out of the hole from Courtney and Tony's stupid wedding by next paycheck, but until then it still sucks here. My older brother actually bailed us out by loaning us 400 dollars to cover the car payment and groceries...until we realized that Danny needs 125 dollars on Tuesday to pay for his CCNA test. Job will reimburse, but it was the suck. Decisions decisions, groceries, or pay for the test? Well, I managed to do both. Go me.

So I had the "essentials" list. I had the "we need these kind of" list. And then I had the "it'd be nice" list. And I had a calculator. To the store we went! We got everything on the essentials list. We got everything on the kind of list. And we got all buy 5 things from the it'd be nice list, and still ended up with 80 dollars left. Thus, I am the mad ninja. 2 cases of water, 2 cases of lipton iced tea, 2 cubes of pepsi, 8 jars of spaghetti sauce, 16 pounds of pasta, chicken breasts, hot dogs, hamburgers, buns, milk, yogurt, vegetables, tomato sauce, evaporated milk, hamburger helper (for emergencies), frozen pizzas (chepaer than take-out!), frozen o'brien potatoes, italian sausage, a bunch of freezer stuff, cat litter, toilet paper, and the miscellaneous sundries. Yay me. It came to 140 and change. I am quite proud of that.

I had blogged recently that we're trying to cut back on expenses, and evidentally, we'll be able to do that somewhat. We'll be utilizing a savings account soon too. Things are going to be okay.

Okay, gotta go. Things to slime, people to do!


Thursday, April 12, 2007


Karma
Current mood: mischievous
Category: Life

So yeah, Karma. I've always more or less believed in Karma in the traditional sense, but at the root it seems to go back to "do unto others". I let the car in the driveway out if there's a huge line of people behind me. I take the time to listen when someone has a problem, because it helps them to express what's going on in a rational way, so they can come to grips with things. I usually have twenty dollars in an emergency to tide someone over for the couple days until payday. I treat other people for the most part the way I'd like to be treated. Generally even people who I know will never return the favor. It all adds up in the end, to my Karma bank account.

So at Christmas, at the mall, I can usually find the front row parking spot. I generally end up with people who will listen to me when I have something to say. I respect people's beliefs, and as a result, rarely get any flack about my own beliefs or morals.

It's a nice setup, Karma. But there's always someone who thinks that they should get to decide who gets what, and when. They see themselves somehow as the judge, jury and executioner. It's pretty funny if you think about it, because the executioner probably doesn't end up with a lot of good Karma in his basket, since he's usually beheading people. Individual people don't get to make the rules for others. You can't decide whether or not JimBob has done something wrong, and try to punish him for it. It isn't your decision to make. Some higher power, pick which one at your own discretion, is going to be making that decision, and probably isn't going to be appreciating your input in the first place. Which leads back to garnering bad Karma for you, if you try to make decisions that aren't yours to make.

So I get to sit back and watch the people who are stupid enough to try and take upon themselves stuff they have no business being involved in to begin with, and watch them get back what they have coming to them for sticking their nose into other's business. Great entertainment, if you can get it.

Meh, just a thought for the windy freezing morning today.