New jobs, and changes

So it looks like the gainfully employed bit is about to commence. The training packet, the first section of it, arrived today, in my email. I've read through a lot of the starter stuff, and it seems fairly straightfoward. I'll fill out the initial questionnaire and send it back for their review, and proceed on from there. They have to make sure I can keep up the typing speed, and that the messages are the right length. But it looks as though all of that is going to be a go.

And it'll give me a nice distraction. I hope it all goes as well as planned. I did a few other things today too, talked to Danny and told him the straightforward truth about how I'm feeling.

I'm tired. I'm tired of pretty much everything. I don't have any fight left. That's the point I'm at. There is simply no fight left in me, for anything.

All I want to do now is work, wait for Steven to come back from Iraq, so that Trinette can move on, and start her life with him and be happy, because Gods know she deserves to finally get to do that. Not that I'm not thrilled with her being here, but I want for her to finally get to be happy. But I want her to get to start the life she's waited so long for.

I want to work. I want to bury myself in it, for the most part, because it's a good distraction. Trinette says she'll teach me to crochet and make blankets and some other stuff. But that's what I want. I don't have enough fight to want to do anything other than lose myself in a job, and distracting myself with random things. I've finally been beaten and broken and I don't care anymore. I don't want to get even. I don't want to go and be vindicated.

I just want to be left alone. I'm not sure if the people who love me will understand that enough to not be offended by it. But that's all I really want. I hurt so much that all I really want is to be left alone, until I've saved some money, and can feel something again. Because right now? Sigh.