I don't know what to think.

I really don't. Perhaps you aren't what I thought you were. And I do owe you an apology. This is going up on the blog because I know all of you guys read this, and so it's going on here because it's simply faster than anything else I could think of. I talked to Colleen last night. She isn't...quite what I was expecting. She was...nice. Like, nicer than Trinette nice. I would be exceedingly hard-pressed to dislike her if I hadn't had quite so many pre-conceived notions about her.

And I owe her an apology, for January. Evidently, some of the things that happened in January weren't...quite the way I had had portrayed to me. And as she was pretty forthright about what happened, I'm fairly inclined to believe her. She wasn't portraying herself in a particularly lovely light, and that counts very highly with me. There was no "oh, all him, none of it me" in the way she portrayed herself. I'm inclined to believe what she said...and that being said...I owed her an apology for some of the things that have been said about her by me, and by my friends about her.

Leave her alone on my behalf for the things that took place then.

What's gone on now? How things have gone down, with Phil, and the mess now? Anything else that needs to be handled, or anything else that may or may not come up? Either she and I will reach some kind of understanding, or not. But it's over now.

There's been enough damage. He's lied, to everyone. To her, to me, to everyone. What happens now? I can't do anything about any of it anymore.

I've been hurt enough now. I will say, straight out, that if she reads past this point, below here there are details. And those details? Those are all of the truths that he hides. As I said last night. I don't lie. While my verbal speech is unsteady, my written speech doesn't have that problem. And what's written below was written before I spoke with you. But I don't lie. I know you love him. But I also know that the person you think he is, he's not. He isn't the honorable, loving, kind, generous man that you believe him to be. I wish that he could be, but he isn't.

I've always accepted that about him. I haven't tried to change it, because it's not something about him that can be changed. He is who and what he is, and that person is a manipulator. He does what he wants, and he takes what he wants. That's simply a part of who he is. And when he starts to feel bad about it? He moves on, and buries the parts that don't work out. And he plays a semantics game, and generally tries to work things out in his favor, to make it all balance in the end. And he's very, very good at it.

He's going to try, as hard as he can, the best that he can, to make things work. Because he desperately wants to make it work. But in the end, it will most likely fail. Because the person he wants to be? And the person he is, they aren't the same. If they were, he wouldn't keep cheating. He wouldn't have been comfortable living the lie. He wouldn't have ignored the phone, and kept telling the lies, until he had no other options. He was and is comfortable with the lies. Over and over again. Until he's caught.

If you have to tell him a list of people he can't be trusted with? Then it probably isn't going to work out. How can you say that he has to have no friends, and no life and no one to talk to? And I understand that you don't want that for him. But in the end, he'll be lonely and alone...and then what will happen? It might not be me, but it will be someone. Because he'll need *someone*. He can't stand to be alone all the time. And you have a life back there, you can't be there for him all the time.

As I said. What he tells you are lies he's comfortable with. It's very easy for him, to lie to you. It would be easy for me, to learn to like you. Strange, but true. Kind of creepy, actually. I'll have to ponder that some more. This is probably the strangest blog I've written in a while. And I'll most likely be getting calls from all over tomorrow after people read this.

Good luck tomorrow. Let me know how it went. If you want the truth, read below. It will give you more insight to how insidiously he can twist his truth if he wants. If you prefer to not know what you're dealing with, only read current posts of mine. Either way is fine.

G'nite.