This should be a no-brainer, right? Really, it should. The most important thing in the world that you should never do to your partner is lie. Ever. I heard that recently, and there was a point after it, and I agree with the sentiment. It's very simple, and yet when confronted with this very simple statement, almost everyone is going to immediately start backing away and in one fashion or another make statements such as "But what if I", or "well, if this". These are excuses, and basically what it boils down to is that you're setting up an escape hatch. A clear-cut exit path, so you can talk your way out of something later, if necessary.
And the truth is that if you're going to trust anyone, your partner is going to be that person. The person you love, and who loves you, is going to be the person who is the least likely to be out to get you, or trying to hurt you. So either you're going to trust them, or you're not. And if you are, then tell them the truth. Don't lie to them. It's clear-cut. It's easy. Be honest. Be honest with yourself. Be honest with them, and consciously remember that the easiest way to keep communication open and honest, is to not lie in the first place.
You don't have to figure out what story you told about anything. There's nothing to keep straight if you aren't lying about anything. Tell the truth. Nothing is going to end up making your partner feel worse than knowing that they weren't important enough to have your honesty. It's a lousy feeling, knowing that you're not trusted enough to have the truth told to you by someone who claims to love you.
They'll feel used, betrayed and angry, all of which would be justified. None of which would even be an issue, if there was no lying involved in your relationship in the first place. And it's so easy, telling the truth. No secrets, no manipulations.
My personal favorite are 'lies of omission'. And yes, those are lies too. Don't lie. It's still a lie if you know something that you're fully aware would bother your partner, and you leave that information out. That's manipulating circumstances for your own gain, and it's lying. Don't lie.
And while we're on the subject, don't manipulate for your own gain, either. It's just not very nice. But don't lie. And remember to brush your teeth. And feed your pets. And take out the trash, sweep the floor, and go plant a tree. :P
This is my public service announcement for the day :)
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1 comment:
I love the bit about "lies of omission." It's a favorite that says, "if you don't get caught, it doesn't count." This is a relationship, not a political marathon, people. Somewhere, your points are adding up. And cashing in your chips at the end of all of it is going to suck if you don't start keeping your own tally card.
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