I honestly wonder how much truth got told. Which is more or less making me kind of bitchy. I wonder if I have the right to be pissy? I don't know. I'm not sure I care.
He has a bad habit of only telling parts of the truth, especially if he figures it will hurt his cause. For instance, during his "confession", did he tell her how that possible pregnancy scare came to be? That four days *before* the Vegas tryst he was in my bed having sex with me? Did that come up? That was why he got sent away in the first place. He was oh, so angry, because I sent him away. But the fact was that he came over that Monday night, and I was loaded up on my painkiller and migraine meds, naked in my bed...and he let himself into the apartment, climbed in naked to join me, and somehow, with me high, and him sober, the two of us had sex. Four days before he joined her in Vegas. And even though I all but begged him to tell her, he didn't want to. He flat out refused to, and I had promised that I wouldn't spill the beans. So I told him to go, and not come back. And he was angry. Furious at me, for sending him away. And all of this, because he flat-out refused to tell the truth about having sex with me.
And when all my symptoms started showing up, symptoms I'm *still* having, for being pregnant, and I flipped out, and we both didn't know what to do...he didn't breathe a word of anything to his girlfriend. His solution? Head in the sand, until we got some kind of concrete results. Although not entirely in the sand. We fell back into bed together, within twenty-four hours of him being back in my apartment visiting me. It's almost like a sick, twisted disease. I'll give him credit about the possible pregnancy. He held me, told me everything would be all right, no matter what. And then promptly went to bed with me. Where he stayed, pretty much nonstop, for the rest of the month. Up to and including the week *after* the results came back. Until someone *else* told his girlfriend that there was something going on, he would never have said anything at all.
And what puzzles me the most about the entire fucking situation? He was here, for what, the fifth until the twenty-sixth? So twenty days? And he talked to her, on the phone, like five times, for a couple hours each time. On the days he'd run home to get clothes, or whatever. Because the entire rest of that time, he was here. He spent all of those nights here. And somehow, she bought whatever story he fed her.
It doesn't add up. The weekend in January when he cheated on me with her, when I couldn't reach him, because he was avoiding me. I *knew* something was up, because he was avoiding me, and not taking the calls. And that was two days. So during the course of twenty days, when he ignored the phone, didn't pick it up, and didn't return calls? And she wasn't livid, and leaving screaming voicemails? And I know he was ignoring the phone, because he was here. I watched him do it. Something smells fishy.
She either doesn't or didn't care, and was doing something else back home, and so didn't notice his inattention, or worse. I have my own theories on it. So do a few other people, but that's on their blogs. I got a kick out of reading their theories, actually, even though they called me a moron for caring about him in any fashion at this point.
And he's told me for months, and stated very clearly in January that he would *never* let any woman dictate who he could and could not spend his time with. That he would never, under any circumstances abandon me, because I was too important and valuable to him as a friend. I had been too close, and helped him through too much to just abandon me because he was ordered to, no matter who was asking. So imagine my surprise when I got a call telling me that he'd been told by her that she could "get past everything", as long as he cut me from his life...and that he was indeed considering it.
And I was apparently supposed to not be livid that it was under consideration. And he seems so puzzled that I wasn't just going to roll over and pretend everything was fine while he made up his mind.
My personal opinion is that she was fully expecting him to tell her that wasn't an option, and walk. That makes her the victim in the entire situation. Yes, he cheated. Yes, I'm sure it sucks. It probably sucks even more if she knows all the sordid details. It's not the first time he's "slipped".
There was a phone call in December saying he had to break things off, he'd chosen me instead? He "slipped" then too. He slips a lot. I can see why she doesn't want him anywhere near me.
But on the other hand. It's pretty shitty of him to just drop me, when I've been nothing but good to him, and deserve much better than this. You don't drop your friends, even for a girlfriend. Especially for a girlfriend who is 2000 miles away, with no impending chance of showing up in reality, anytime soon. You actually show value and appreciation for the friends who have stood by you, and held you up when you got screwed over. The ones you helped you out and bailed you out, and have done everything under the sun to prove their loyalty to you...in ways that that quasi-long-distance girlfriend *hasn't*.
If someone is going to tell the truth? They should 'fess up to all of it. Not just the selective parts, the ones that will make them look the least bad. It's a shame more people can't learn to tell the entire truth, whether it makes them look bad or not.
I sure as shit don't come off looking particularly shiny and clear in this mess. But I'm not ashamed of what I do with Phillip, and I'm not ashamed to admit the truth of things. If she wants to know the truth, I'll talk to her and tell her anything she wants to know, to her face. Which is more than I can say for him. I always would have, but he's always forbid me to talk to her. I gather that it was a similar thing for her, he didn't want her communicating with me in any way. Something about if I contacted her online, be the bigger person, and just ignore it and walk away. He did a good job at it, keeping it separate.
And now everything is fucked. I've been telling him for quite a while that everything would blow up in his face. His roommates knew he wasn't at the house. He lied to them too, about where he was. Because he knew they might tell her where he'd gone. My roommate knows he was here, and won't lie to cover his ass. She wouldn't go out of her way to tell anyone anything, but she won't lie to cover anyone either.
He spent weeks here, in front of everyone, and thought it wouldn't ever get back to his girlfriend? *sigh* I just don't get it.
And now, I'm just supposed to...what? Not be angry? Not care? Sit, and wait patiently, while he makes up his mind about what he plans to do. While he carefully crafts more edited versions of what went on here for the last month so that she can feel good about it. Makes it seem as though this hasn't been a pattern all along.
He came to Bakersfield to sleep with me. Naked. The entire time I was there. His visits to play with Melissa and her children? Sure, he did that too. She cooked for him, and he did indeed learn quite a bit about Judaism. And then we went to bed together. Every single time. And every time I rolled into Fresno from Bakersfield? He was in my bed then too. Valentines Day? He was with me then.
The *entire* time he was telling her how much he missed her and he loved her, and couldn't wait to be with her again...he was still in my bed, in my arms. On the phone with me when I was too far away for that to be practical. On the phone with me for 4-6 hours a night. I talked him to sleep, every night. Fell asleep on the phone with him. Woke him up with a call almost every morning.
And every single time, we go 'round and 'round, like a carnival ride. He doesn't want to be with me. He wants her. He loves her. But it's me that he comes back to. Every time. And then, because he "loves her", he feels guilty, and breaks it off with me. But doesn't want to tell her what he's done. He just wants to sweep it all under the rug, and pretend nothing ever happened, and I'm supposed to go along with it, because we're friends, and that's what friends do.
Because to do otherwise, it would ruin his relationship with her! And I don't want to see him unhappy, do I? Things like that. And I ask him, if he's going to abandon me, and leave me alone without our friendship, and he gets angry, and asks me questions like "You have a really low opinion of me, don't you?". As though he'd never do such a thing. How could I accuse him of such a horrible thing.
How could I make such an accusation? I could make it, because at this point...it appears that's precisely what he's giving thought to doing...even though I'm not the one who starts our trysts. All I am is his friend. The one who picked up the pieces every time he needed it, and made sure he wasn't left alone when there was absolutely no one else when she abandoned him.
And somehow, he never remembers *that*.
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