When life isn't fair

My best friend had a heart attack. And there isn't a damn thing I can do about it. I can't help. I can't make it better. There is abso-fucking-lutely nothing I can do. I am powerless in the face of this kind of horror. It's a week before Christmas, and her children are terrified. My godsons are scared to death, even though they don't know precisely what's going on. The hospital can't release her, because they aren't altogether certain why she had the attack in the first place, which means there isn't a concrete way to prevent it. They aren't certain what's damaged. The doctors are basically unsure of, well, anything. Fucking yay.

And I'm angry, and afraid and...what? Disturbed. And frustrated. Because I don't like the feeling of being so powerless to not be able to help. Yes, everyone pulled together to put Christmas together for the boys. Because that's what we do, when it needs to be done, and that's handled. And the things that needed to be handled have been handled. The basic day-to-day details are in good shape. But that doesn't change the fact that she's sitting in a hospital room, and for the most part I can't even really go and visit.

Stupid lack of an immune system. With everyone in creation in a hospital carrying germs, I more or less have to stay clear, because I can't risk going and picking up an infection of any sort that will make me sick. So I'm basically completely useless. Yes, I risked it when she called from the ER, because I couldn't not go. But now that she's been admitted, it would be great folly indeed to just hang about in a hospital and I know better. Especially right on the heels of my own physician having told me to steer clear of large crowds and places where I know there will be germs.

And it sucks. And I don't like it. And I don't know what to do.