When it isn't okay?

What do you do then? And it's a slippery slope, right? When do you decide between taking the pills because you have to take them in order to function, and feel like a human being, or are you taking them to block out the reality that's become your life?

To be somewhat more pleasant, or to just not deal with anything? And yes, you don't actually need to take them. Can go weeks at a time without so much as taking the lid off the bottles. In fact, months in between. But deep down, everything is just so much better when you take them by the handful, all day long. And there's a nice, pleasant haze over everything.

Nothing hurts, then. Physically, some things still hurt. It takes the edge off, and the drugs do what they're designed to do. And hey, you can still function, work, talk, interact with everyone and everything around you. But emotionally? You feel none of the dark despair that coats every aspect of your life, and that's a damn good change of pace.

And when do you decide which way is wrong? After all, they're yours. Nice and sweet and legal. No funny business, nothing wrong here. Even taking less than the recommended doses! Not taking things from other sources, not taking anything off-label. Absolutely nothing strange going on.

But, oh, the wonderful glazed feeling, where nothing can touch you. A haze, where nothing matters, and it doesn't matter what will happen tomorrow, or next week, or hell, even five minutes from now, or two minutes ago. What happened last year, or six months ago? Gone, in a lovely batch of pills that are all yours. And the supply won't run out, because they're meant for you, and no one else.

You don't have to worry about where you'll get more from, and you don't need to think about the things those "other" people who are "addicts" need to think about. It's such a fine line, right? You don't smoke, and you don't drink. And you only take doctor prescribed medications, and you don't do any of the bad things. You're a good person. You don't break laws, and you aren't hurting anyone.

Except maybe yourself. But even that you're not sure about anymore. How can it be bad if it finally makes everything stop hurting for a while? If it makes sleep come, and the nightmares stop? Six months is a long time to go without being able to sleep without nightmares. To try and function like a normal person, without shattering into pieces, with no one to hold onto, and no way to get through.

So who draws the line, between right and wrong, when the only person you have to make decisions for is yourself?