Parting shots that I didn't take

A brief aside, for the people who I chat with on a regular basis. Due to the nature of our conversations, I can't really stop myself from thinking, thus my blog. But I don't need to actually *talk*. Again, thus my blog. So, in order to not drive myself completely crazy, my blogs may or may not end up seeming as though I'm obsessing, or overly focusing on him for a while, essentially while I work this shit out of my system. But I don't need to constantly talk about it. That being said:

I had a parting shot last night that I was just dying to take. I really was. But I didn't. Perhaps because my verbal words are simply not as eloquent as my written ones? Either way.

The simple truth is that he both wanted and needed me. There's no getting around that. And I took outstanding care of him. Cooked for him, made sure he took his medications. Woke him up most mornings at the ass-crack of dawn, whether he was in my bed or with a phone call. Made him coffee and some sort of food so he could go to work. Took the pain away in more ways than one. I took good care of him. And he knows it. And he threw me away. And I probably would have ended up being the very best thing that could have happened to him. And the truth of that will most likely occur to him later. Because I only ever wanted to change one thing about him. With all of the things about his personality, about his basic makeup, the only thing I wanted to change? I wanted him to stop looking at someone else. I wanted him to focus on me.

With all of the things I could have tried to change about him, I never did. Because while a lot of things about him bother other people, none of them particularly bothered me. I liked him just as he was. Ended up defending a lot of those things to others. But they never bothered me. And I suspect at a certain point that will occur to him. I never wanted to change things about him. I just wanted him to stop looking at someone else. That was it.

Right now, he'll go to her, the one he wants and loves so much. And everything is going to be great for him. He's going to have what he's worked so hard to get. His great love. But he's a hard man to love. Because of all of those pesky flaws. And very few women would put up with the things that I so easily overlooked and simply didn't care about. And I wonder, in a few months, whether or not things will be so filled with sunshine and roses. How many things he's going to be willing to change for her? Because he isn't in the habit of changing things. He likes things his way, not anyone else's. Which wasn't altogether a problem for me. But most women aren't like me.

He just couldn't bring himself to "love" me. He wanted me. He needed me in his life. I was important...but he wants and needs his great love. And he has her now. But in a few months, when she starts to want things from him, and wants things her way. I wonder then...perhaps it would have been worth it to have actually given me that chance I asked for, instead of just throwing me away?