GOING TO BED EARLY EVERYDAY IS IMPORTANT
Do you always stay up late watching that late night show? Do you always find yourself distracted by different activities all night? Always end up staying up late again because you want to watch that show for another 30 minutes? In this page, I am going to tell you many great tips on how to go to sleep earlier.
SET A TIME THAT YOU WANT TO GO TO BED FIRST
Feel tired at work and fell asleep because you always stay up so late at night watching a TV show or playing a computer game? First, ask yourself what time do you want to go to bed.
STOP THE ACTIVITIES THAT WILL DISTRACT YOU TO STAY UP LATE AT NIGHT
The most important tip for going to bed early is to close off activities that will distract you into staying up late. Be precise and strict about your bed time and stop the distracting activities one hour before bed time. It can be television shows, video games, you name it.
RELAX YOURSELF
Relax yourself by going out and taking a walk around the neighborhood every evening. This will make you feel sleepy at night. If your goal is to go to bed at 1:00 AM every night, then during the whole length of your walking session just keep on repeating to yourself, "I am in control of my own life. I refuse to let temptations take control of my life." Then you say, "I am the one that in control of what time I go to bed. I refuse to let temptations take control of what time I go to bed. I am going to wind down my day early and finish up everything that takes time at 12:00 A.M. daily, so I can go to bed early ." Then you say, "I will prepare to close off the the activity that will distract me at at 12:00 AM everyday." After that, you can say, "I can go to bed at 1:00 AM everyday." keep on repeating these sentences. Then you should feel more motivated to head to bed at 1:00 AM everyday.
DO NOT PROCRASTINATE
Starting this moment don't procrastinate anymore. Set a timer for when you want to shut off the distracting activities at night. When the watch timer beeps, then no more 30 minutes of TV or computer etc... When the watch timer beeps take it seriously and stop whatever you are doing. It doesn't matter how tempting it is, just shut off any activities that will distract you from going to bed early at night. This is very important because it is your answer to getting to bed early.
JUST DO IT
First, you need to set the watch timer to remind yourself to go to bed. If you plan to go to bed at 12:00 A.M. then you need to set the timer to go off at 11:00 P.M. Once the watch timer beeps then shut down all the distracting activities and just go wind down your day. Do a wind down ritual daily so that you know it is bed time when you do it. It is also important to set the alarm clock to wake up at the same time daily. Set a goal time to wake up and still have 7 - 8 hours of sleep daily. This will get you into a good and healthy daily life cycle. Apply the "just do it" slogan from the Nike commercial. When the watch timer beeps just go wind down your day. It is hard for many people to go to bed on time. This is why "just do it" is important.
FINISH YOUR DAY EARLY SO YOU CAN GO TO BED EARLY
Finish the important things that might take a lot of time early so that you can wind down earlier. Don't procrastinate the important things or else you will end up going to bed late again. Also, finish washing your body and brushing your teeth as early as possible. This way, you can go to bed right away when you want to.
IF YOU CAN'T IMPROVE FAST THEN TAKE IT SLOW
If it's hard for you to suddenly go to bed one hour earlier then just take it slow. Apply the gradual improve method. To do so, go to bed 30 minutes earlier for let's say 3 days consecutively. After you successfully achieve it, then move another 30 minutes earlier until you reach the goal.
BELIEVE IN YOURSELF
Apply the believing method. When you believe, you can later transform to knowing that it is easy to go to bed early. It is hard at first, but the more you believe in yourself the more this method is going to work. You will actually convince yourself that going to bed early is a simple. Then it will feel much easier to actually apply the tips on how to go to bed early. Eventually, you will be able to go to bed early everyday.
YOU CAN DO IT IF YOU WANT TO DO IT
You know it better than anyone else, that only you can tell yourself to go to bed early. If you want to do it then you can do it. Actually, it's pretty much all in your mind. It's either the distractions take control of you or you take control of your life. It is about you taking action and just going to bed early. Prepare to close off any activity that will distract you at 11 P.M. Only you are able to do it. Starting now, take control of your own life, and turn off that computer when it's 11 P.M., then success shall come to you. You have to be the one that takes charge of your own life. Don't let temptations get the best of you. Ask yourself, do you want to take charge of your life, or do you want the temptations take control of you? The answer is obvious isn't it? If you are able to overcome the temptations, then you will achieve going to bed early everyday. You can do it if you start to take charge of your life. Defeat the distractions at night, and start to take control of your own life now.
REWARD YOURSELF
Once you are doing great and are able to go to bed early whenever you want, then go ahead and reward yourself for the hard work you put in. Go buy your favorite movies, or drinks, or something you love.
IN CONCLUSION
Many people find going to bed early is difficult because of so many distractions like late night TV shows, addicting video games, and internet surfing. When people stay up late the main reason is because they can't resist the temptations for that another 30 minutes. It is important that you resist this temptation. Also, don't procrastinate and get the important things done first. It is essential that you start winding down your day and finish up all your rituals early so that you can go to bed early. Believing that you can go to bed early, and by taking charge of your own life will later lead you to knowing that it was easy to accomplish, and then you will realize that going to bed early isn't that hard after all.
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
When it rains, it pours, right?
My head is throbbing, so if this isn't as coherent as it might otherwise be, then I do apologize my dear readers, in advance. Right now, my Xbox is currently broken, although as it turns out, it actually is still under warranty (for which I am incredibly grateful since I don't have any available funds with which I would have been able to fix it), so as soon as I figure out a box and padding, I'll be using the pre-paid label to ship it off to be fixed. My television lamp appears to also be going out, and replacing one of those is a couple/three hundred dollars as well, and I don't actually know how to install one of them, although I'm *hoping* it's not overly complicated, providing of course that I can figure out how to get the money to replace it at all if/when it goes out.
Things like this is what caused the 'if it rains, it pours' title of this post. Trying to keep things together around here is kind of like plugging up a series of leaks, and every time I manage to get one fixed, another one seems to spring up somewhere else.
And I'm growing more and more tired, trying to keep all the balls in the air. I honestly am unsure if I can afford to for very much longer, before I simply give up. I realize that giving up isn't really an option, but that's how I feel right now.
I dropped a class at school, because I wouldn't have been able to actually manage the work load, and I wouldn't have been able to do the observation hours that was required, in an on campus/daycare setting. There is too much exposure to germs and whatnot to make that practical, and I was under the impression I was going to be able to get the observational hours with children/teens I knew, through homeschooled children or babies not in a daycare setting, and I found out after the class started that the teacher wasn't willing to allow that, and so I had to drop the course.
The other classes are going well, and I enjoy my philosophy class, even though it makes my head spins sometimes, because I have a bit of trouble with the there-and-back-and-forth concepts that philosophy involves.
Abnormal Psychology is, predictably, a blast, the actual reading and work to understand it involved.
And the other class is my English Lit class, which is based on J.R.R. Tolkien's Lord of the Rings trilogy, and studying the books themselves is also a lot of fun. A teacher who has studied this so in-depth is really interesting.
My doctors are playing musical medications with me as guinea-pig again, which is making my head ache, and my body pretty much hate me, but that's not really anything new, so I won't bother to detail any of that out, aside from noting that I have to go in for an EEG sometime this month. The joy, the rapture, the adventure.
And now, I'm going to go and read for a while, since obviously I won't be watching a lot of movies or television for a while, during the 'attempting to get things funded and fixed' on my electronics front.
Bye, internets.
Things like this is what caused the 'if it rains, it pours' title of this post. Trying to keep things together around here is kind of like plugging up a series of leaks, and every time I manage to get one fixed, another one seems to spring up somewhere else.
And I'm growing more and more tired, trying to keep all the balls in the air. I honestly am unsure if I can afford to for very much longer, before I simply give up. I realize that giving up isn't really an option, but that's how I feel right now.
I dropped a class at school, because I wouldn't have been able to actually manage the work load, and I wouldn't have been able to do the observation hours that was required, in an on campus/daycare setting. There is too much exposure to germs and whatnot to make that practical, and I was under the impression I was going to be able to get the observational hours with children/teens I knew, through homeschooled children or babies not in a daycare setting, and I found out after the class started that the teacher wasn't willing to allow that, and so I had to drop the course.
The other classes are going well, and I enjoy my philosophy class, even though it makes my head spins sometimes, because I have a bit of trouble with the there-and-back-and-forth concepts that philosophy involves.
Abnormal Psychology is, predictably, a blast, the actual reading and work to understand it involved.
And the other class is my English Lit class, which is based on J.R.R. Tolkien's Lord of the Rings trilogy, and studying the books themselves is also a lot of fun. A teacher who has studied this so in-depth is really interesting.
My doctors are playing musical medications with me as guinea-pig again, which is making my head ache, and my body pretty much hate me, but that's not really anything new, so I won't bother to detail any of that out, aside from noting that I have to go in for an EEG sometime this month. The joy, the rapture, the adventure.
And now, I'm going to go and read for a while, since obviously I won't be watching a lot of movies or television for a while, during the 'attempting to get things funded and fixed' on my electronics front.
Bye, internets.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Human...bed warmers?
So in London, and Manchester, at the Holiday Inn if you're looking to get a good night's sleep, all you need to do is give a ring down to the front desk and let someone know that you want them to fire up ye old bedwarmer - that is, you want to have a human crawl into the bed and curl up so that the bed can be toasty when you crawl in.
Not to knock the Brit's newest, uh, invention? But I'm not sure that I want to have some stranger crawling around in my hotel room bed, and making it warm...wouldn't an electric mattress pad, or a hot water bottle, something a little more sanitary maybe work better? I dunno. But I can't knock their lack of ingenuity.
Not to knock the Brit's newest, uh, invention? But I'm not sure that I want to have some stranger crawling around in my hotel room bed, and making it warm...wouldn't an electric mattress pad, or a hot water bottle, something a little more sanitary maybe work better? I dunno. But I can't knock their lack of ingenuity.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
This is taken, wholely, from The Ferrett, at the Watchtower of Destruction
Homosexuality Is A Choice
When I speak to people who are against gay marriage, the one thing I've heard a fair amount is that "Being gay is a choice." Which is, if you're not gay, a fair assumption: if you've spent your whole life being straight, as I have, why not assume that everyone is the same way as you?
So let's take a moment and assume that you're right: being gay is a choice.
Let us assume that every gay man carries the same instinctive revulsion that you have at the idea of kissing another man (or a woman, if you're a woman). Let us assume that, for some reason, someone just like you woke up one morning and said, "Today, I'm going to try to get another man to touch me" - and that they felt the same turnoffs that you did when they had this thought.
Why would they do that?
The traditional answer is "To act up," and I guess I could see that. I mean, when I was a teenager, I decided to show how nonconformist I was by listening to heavy metal music, growing my hair out, and wearing frightening clothes. Yeah, I had the long hair, and the earring, and the jean jacket with the picture of a giant demon throwing a priest into a lake.
I'll be the first to admit: I liked it. I liked scaring the mundanes, I liked stickin' it to the man, I liked being part of a culture that was at odds with society. I liked being someone who wasn't just some other good kid in school. It made me badass (for some quasi version of badass), and that gave me an identity.
There's a difference, though; being all metal, all the time got tiring.
Sure, it was fun while I was experimenting in high school, but maintaining that kind of facade takes an effort. I got tired of finding patches for my jean jacket, and wearing the big stompy boots, and eventually I realized that a lot of the music I listened to simply wasn't very good. I got tired of getting crappy, gas station jobs because I looked so metal, man. I got tired of having to go to all the loud concerts where I couldn't even see the damn band.
I was trying too hard. I gave up. That's the way it usually works.
For most people, "rebellion" has a half-life that can be measured in grades. There's a good reason why heavy metal concerts are mainly young kids, with only a light sprinkling of the burn-out guys and gals in their fifties - for most people it's something they do, and get their charge out of "being on the EDGE," man. That charge doesn't last for most people. As you get older, all those silly teenaged habits tend to fall away. You put your emo clothes in the closet because you just don't need to show off after a while. You stop blaring rap at a hundred decibels because man, who are you trying to impress?
Putting away the emblems doesn't mean you renounce everything; I don't wear the jacket any more, but I still grin when someone plays "Holy Diver," even if I'm a little embarrassed by that "let's offend the parents!" cover. And a few people find that metal suits them, and stay with it forever.
But in general, those kinds of teenaged signals? They fade. There's a reason that most people look back in horror on the fashions of their youth; they were trying to adopt an identity, clinging to other groups to make it happen, only to discover that it wasn't, ultimately, who they wanted to be.
Freaking out your parents is fun for a while, but it's hard to make a lifestyle out of it.
But there are a lot of people in their fifties and sixties who are gay. I mean, a lot. Sure, you can always point to a few folks who've switched back thanks to heavy pressure from their church - but the truth is, once you come out, you generally don't go back.
Does that sound like a choice?
I mean, dude, my toll for being a heavy metal monster was that I got crap jobs. Being gay carries a lot more than that. You can not only lose your job, but get a beating; be too "out" at the wrong time, and you run the risk of getting your ass killed. You often have parents who will never talk to you again, relatives who will scorn not just you, but the fact you exist. You can have your medical rights taken away. You can lose everything.
Now, think about your own sexuality. Think seriously, for one moment, about all the revulsion that you as a straight person have about kissing someone of your own sex. Internalize the entirety of that "Whoah, not for me." And then think, seriously, about what it would take for someone just like you, with all of your instincts, to go, "All right. Though I feel this queasiness at putting my tongue on a man's body, I'm going to do this because it will piss off my parents. And I'm not just going to do this once, no! I'm going to keep doing it, never enjoying any part of this aside from the thrill of alienating society! And I'm going to find new people to do it with, even though the jocks might beat me for doing it, and I might lose my home and chance at college when my parents reject me. And I'm going to do that, my whole life, until the day I die."
Seriously? Do you still think this? Because essentially, what you're saying is that every gay man and woman is gay just to piss you off. And isn't that a little egotistic? To think that all these people are enduring all of this discrimination and hatred, every night bedding down with someone who they are physically repulsed by, all for the sole purpose of making you uncomfortable?
You might still argue yes, but remember: rebellion? Usually a pretty short half-life. It's easy to talk about people "choosing evil" and so forth, but there's a reason teenagers have a brief period of rebellion, then settle down; it takes a lot of continual effort to do things for no better reason than irritating your betters.
So is that a choice? Or is it even vaguely possible that, just as you never woke up one morning and went, "Well, today I like girls!" they had the same kinds of instinctive attractions that you did - but with different wiring? Where they just found themselves drawn, as you are, to one sex, with no choice at all?
Think about what they go through. Think about how realistic it is that they're just doing it to annoy you, or to annoy Jesus, or to annoy anyone. Think about whether there's a choice you're making about your view of their choice. Because I am begging, begging you to reconsider.
When I speak to people who are against gay marriage, the one thing I've heard a fair amount is that "Being gay is a choice." Which is, if you're not gay, a fair assumption: if you've spent your whole life being straight, as I have, why not assume that everyone is the same way as you?
So let's take a moment and assume that you're right: being gay is a choice.
Let us assume that every gay man carries the same instinctive revulsion that you have at the idea of kissing another man (or a woman, if you're a woman). Let us assume that, for some reason, someone just like you woke up one morning and said, "Today, I'm going to try to get another man to touch me" - and that they felt the same turnoffs that you did when they had this thought.
Why would they do that?
The traditional answer is "To act up," and I guess I could see that. I mean, when I was a teenager, I decided to show how nonconformist I was by listening to heavy metal music, growing my hair out, and wearing frightening clothes. Yeah, I had the long hair, and the earring, and the jean jacket with the picture of a giant demon throwing a priest into a lake.
I'll be the first to admit: I liked it. I liked scaring the mundanes, I liked stickin' it to the man, I liked being part of a culture that was at odds with society. I liked being someone who wasn't just some other good kid in school. It made me badass (for some quasi version of badass), and that gave me an identity.
There's a difference, though; being all metal, all the time got tiring.
Sure, it was fun while I was experimenting in high school, but maintaining that kind of facade takes an effort. I got tired of finding patches for my jean jacket, and wearing the big stompy boots, and eventually I realized that a lot of the music I listened to simply wasn't very good. I got tired of getting crappy, gas station jobs because I looked so metal, man. I got tired of having to go to all the loud concerts where I couldn't even see the damn band.
I was trying too hard. I gave up. That's the way it usually works.
For most people, "rebellion" has a half-life that can be measured in grades. There's a good reason why heavy metal concerts are mainly young kids, with only a light sprinkling of the burn-out guys and gals in their fifties - for most people it's something they do, and get their charge out of "being on the EDGE," man. That charge doesn't last for most people. As you get older, all those silly teenaged habits tend to fall away. You put your emo clothes in the closet because you just don't need to show off after a while. You stop blaring rap at a hundred decibels because man, who are you trying to impress?
Putting away the emblems doesn't mean you renounce everything; I don't wear the jacket any more, but I still grin when someone plays "Holy Diver," even if I'm a little embarrassed by that "let's offend the parents!" cover. And a few people find that metal suits them, and stay with it forever.
But in general, those kinds of teenaged signals? They fade. There's a reason that most people look back in horror on the fashions of their youth; they were trying to adopt an identity, clinging to other groups to make it happen, only to discover that it wasn't, ultimately, who they wanted to be.
Freaking out your parents is fun for a while, but it's hard to make a lifestyle out of it.
But there are a lot of people in their fifties and sixties who are gay. I mean, a lot. Sure, you can always point to a few folks who've switched back thanks to heavy pressure from their church - but the truth is, once you come out, you generally don't go back.
Does that sound like a choice?
I mean, dude, my toll for being a heavy metal monster was that I got crap jobs. Being gay carries a lot more than that. You can not only lose your job, but get a beating; be too "out" at the wrong time, and you run the risk of getting your ass killed. You often have parents who will never talk to you again, relatives who will scorn not just you, but the fact you exist. You can have your medical rights taken away. You can lose everything.
Now, think about your own sexuality. Think seriously, for one moment, about all the revulsion that you as a straight person have about kissing someone of your own sex. Internalize the entirety of that "Whoah, not for me." And then think, seriously, about what it would take for someone just like you, with all of your instincts, to go, "All right. Though I feel this queasiness at putting my tongue on a man's body, I'm going to do this because it will piss off my parents. And I'm not just going to do this once, no! I'm going to keep doing it, never enjoying any part of this aside from the thrill of alienating society! And I'm going to find new people to do it with, even though the jocks might beat me for doing it, and I might lose my home and chance at college when my parents reject me. And I'm going to do that, my whole life, until the day I die."
Seriously? Do you still think this? Because essentially, what you're saying is that every gay man and woman is gay just to piss you off. And isn't that a little egotistic? To think that all these people are enduring all of this discrimination and hatred, every night bedding down with someone who they are physically repulsed by, all for the sole purpose of making you uncomfortable?
You might still argue yes, but remember: rebellion? Usually a pretty short half-life. It's easy to talk about people "choosing evil" and so forth, but there's a reason teenagers have a brief period of rebellion, then settle down; it takes a lot of continual effort to do things for no better reason than irritating your betters.
So is that a choice? Or is it even vaguely possible that, just as you never woke up one morning and went, "Well, today I like girls!" they had the same kinds of instinctive attractions that you did - but with different wiring? Where they just found themselves drawn, as you are, to one sex, with no choice at all?
Think about what they go through. Think about how realistic it is that they're just doing it to annoy you, or to annoy Jesus, or to annoy anyone. Think about whether there's a choice you're making about your view of their choice. Because I am begging, begging you to reconsider.
Friday, January 8, 2010
The best things in life *are* free
Wow, I'm going to sit and be a somewhat egotistical jerk. And gloat just a tad, while laughing. It appears that while I hadn't really given it a lot of thought for quite a while, I'm still being followed on both Facebook, and over here on my blog (which I haven't even been writing on a whole lot lately, because I've been either sick of busy, or both). I actually loosened up the restrictions on my FB search parameters, because I've been adding some people, my boyfriend's family, my cousins, people like that, and it was a pain in the butt having to search out everybody. And when I was writing a post somewhere, I realized that somebody have vanished from somebody's friend list...and then it dawned on me, that they hadn't disappeared....*I* got blocked. Which is comical, since the only reason to block me, was if she'd gone looking for my page in the first place :P
So yeah, since she's reading my blog...we're deliriously happy. We're living together, and absolutely nauseatingly happy. We spend time with his family, who accepted me just fine. I've met the parents, the grandparents, the cousins, the aunts, uncles, etc. It's just a big, happy lovefest. We're both in school, working on our degrees, and after all this time as it turns out, you having wrecked my life and having made him so miserable? Was the absolute best thing you could have done to me, because he loves me more than anybody thought possible, and he appreciates me more than *I* ever thought possible. So thanks for that, because it would have taken a lot more time, had he not had a reason to see how close he came to losing me completely.
So, goodnight internets. I've got a movie to finish watching, and then snuggles to have, and sleep to follow.
So yeah, since she's reading my blog...we're deliriously happy. We're living together, and absolutely nauseatingly happy. We spend time with his family, who accepted me just fine. I've met the parents, the grandparents, the cousins, the aunts, uncles, etc. It's just a big, happy lovefest. We're both in school, working on our degrees, and after all this time as it turns out, you having wrecked my life and having made him so miserable? Was the absolute best thing you could have done to me, because he loves me more than anybody thought possible, and he appreciates me more than *I* ever thought possible. So thanks for that, because it would have taken a lot more time, had he not had a reason to see how close he came to losing me completely.
So, goodnight internets. I've got a movie to finish watching, and then snuggles to have, and sleep to follow.
Monday, December 21, 2009
the mechanics of physical pain
There are times that I don't want to be touched, not even by my cat, because the pressure that he applies by climbing on me with his paws causes so much pain when he walks on me that it is very near to unbearable, and as a result, I push him away. It is not that I don't love my cat, because I do, very much, it's just that I don't want him to hurt me.
I have fibromyalgia, which is a disorder that causes pain and weakness of my nerves and muscles. I have rheumatoid arthritis, which makes my joints be inflamed and painful and sometimes makes it hard to breathe. Fun, huh? Sucks for my cat, and anyone else that happens to try to touch me, or hug me if I'm having a bad day, because it can cause a lot of pain for me, even if they aren't applying a whole lot of pressure. If they accidentally applied serious pressure? You can multiply the pain quotient by about a billion.
The trouble is that I don't *look* sick, or injured, or anything else that makes me stand out for it being dangerous to touch me. I walk with a cane only sometimes, and even then, I don't exactly use it as a weapon to keep people away, and unfortunately, a lot of people see a cane and think they should try to assist someone by grabbing their arm or whatever...and in my case, that causes more harm than good. *sigh*
And on some days, I'm perfectly fine, pressure-wise. You can shake my hand, hug me, and I don't even flinch. But there's no way to gauge that, and I'm not willing to tell people "today is a good or a bad day" every second of the day. My bones won't break, that isn't the problem, but for the people who actually spend a lot of time with me, it makes me sad when they forget routinely how very much pain simple things can cause, and how irritated they get at me, because I flinch away.
I don't mean to hurt someone's feelings, because I'm hurting. I really don't. But for me, it feels like someone is hitting my body with a hammer when they use me to push themselves up, or to try and help me up. Most of the time it hurts more than helps, and I don't quite no how to make anyone understand.
When I get a migraine that appears out of nowhere, and I have to hide from the lights, and take medications, I don't mean to be no fun. I don't mean to be always cold, and have joint pain. I don't want to be sick. I never asked for it, and I don't quite no how to make it any better, aside from what I'm doing. All the doctors can tell me is that I need to keep my stress to a minimum, avoid getting sick, take my medications, and keep doing what I'm doing. Nothing is said about how to improve my quality of life in any of that. Nobody says anything about how to make the pain stop long enough to be cuddled to feel better when people get mad when you flinch because it hurts.
I have fibromyalgia, which is a disorder that causes pain and weakness of my nerves and muscles. I have rheumatoid arthritis, which makes my joints be inflamed and painful and sometimes makes it hard to breathe. Fun, huh? Sucks for my cat, and anyone else that happens to try to touch me, or hug me if I'm having a bad day, because it can cause a lot of pain for me, even if they aren't applying a whole lot of pressure. If they accidentally applied serious pressure? You can multiply the pain quotient by about a billion.
The trouble is that I don't *look* sick, or injured, or anything else that makes me stand out for it being dangerous to touch me. I walk with a cane only sometimes, and even then, I don't exactly use it as a weapon to keep people away, and unfortunately, a lot of people see a cane and think they should try to assist someone by grabbing their arm or whatever...and in my case, that causes more harm than good. *sigh*
And on some days, I'm perfectly fine, pressure-wise. You can shake my hand, hug me, and I don't even flinch. But there's no way to gauge that, and I'm not willing to tell people "today is a good or a bad day" every second of the day. My bones won't break, that isn't the problem, but for the people who actually spend a lot of time with me, it makes me sad when they forget routinely how very much pain simple things can cause, and how irritated they get at me, because I flinch away.
I don't mean to hurt someone's feelings, because I'm hurting. I really don't. But for me, it feels like someone is hitting my body with a hammer when they use me to push themselves up, or to try and help me up. Most of the time it hurts more than helps, and I don't quite no how to make anyone understand.
When I get a migraine that appears out of nowhere, and I have to hide from the lights, and take medications, I don't mean to be no fun. I don't mean to be always cold, and have joint pain. I don't want to be sick. I never asked for it, and I don't quite no how to make it any better, aside from what I'm doing. All the doctors can tell me is that I need to keep my stress to a minimum, avoid getting sick, take my medications, and keep doing what I'm doing. Nothing is said about how to improve my quality of life in any of that. Nobody says anything about how to make the pain stop long enough to be cuddled to feel better when people get mad when you flinch because it hurts.
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Holidays
Last year, during the holidays last year, I was my general grinchy self. I bah-humbuged in everybody's direction, and didn't want anything to do with holiday cheer, and was just grouchy. That's generally how I am around the holidays, and I know it. Even now, I'm not exactly brimming with the holiday spirit, and am not going looking for Rudolph or anything, but I feel kind of like a jerk, as I read the messages that people I know who post things about how badly their lives are sucking, and I think about the fact that even last year, I didn't blame everyone else for the fact that I was pissy and alone. I was pissy about the holidays, but I wasn't blaming anyone for it. I'm *always* anti-Christmas, because I don't like the whole commercialism associated with it. But you can occasionally catch me humming a holiday tune, if you're around often enough.
I feel equally a jerk these days, because when I look around at my life...sure, there are still some things that aren't just brimming with sunshine and roses. Whose isn't? But on the whole? Everything that I was so damned miserable and wanted so badly to have? I have it now. Lock, stock, barrel...I believe the term is something along the lines of 'the whole caboodle' or some such garbage like that.
And I see other people who are unhappy, and I spend a lot of time trying *not* to emphasize the fact that I'm happy, because I don't want to rub anybody's nose in it. I remember wanting to smack people for what felt to me as though everybody else in the world got to be happy, and I was miserable, so what the hell? And while I *knew* that was crap, and didn't actually say or do things to that effect, it was still how it felt. And as a result, I just don't talk about how I'm doing, because it seems as though that would be somewhat crass.
But by the same token, I wasn't constantly sitting around talking about how miserable I was, and how unfair life was, constantly. And some of the people I know, they're doing precisely that. And that leaves me torn. Yes, the holidays, especially if you're alone, they suck. They really, really do. But you can't exactly expect for everyone to walk around on eggshells because you're unhappy, and cater to you, or blast them for attempting to cheer you up. When you do that, pretty soon you have no friends at all, which also sucks. There isn't really a good end result any way you look at it.
Woe is me only lasts so long, whining about it. At a certain point, you have to actually *do* something about it, because no one can actually do it for you. And everyone gets tired of hearing about it. You can *think* it all you like, but after a certain amount of time, you sort of have to suck it up, and deal. And around the holidays, you either need to fake it, or...you know, you just kind of have to fake it. There really aren't a lot of other options, because nobody really wants to listen to a huge list of complaints, especially if you've been singing the same tune for years.
Which probably makes me callous and cruel, or any other choice phrases. Nothing new there. And yes, I'm surely a hypocrite at the moment, because I *am* happy, and my life is full of joy or whatever, which actually isn't always the case, but I'm sure it looks that way to everybody else. But it's the case often enough for people to be jealous and to object to me telling anyone else to stop complaining about how bad their lives are.
The amusing part being, that the fact that I'm finally content with my life? It hasn't changed any of my other circumstances. My life is still hard, and I still don't spend all my time complaining about any of that, which is rarely taken into consideration by the peanut gallery when I point out that a lot of people have it a lot better and easier than I do, or ever will have.
I guess people should be grateful for what they have, and take a good long look at just what that is, before they sit around and complain about what they don't. That they should see how good they've got it, and how easy they've got, and be appreciative of those things, because I know very much how hard it can be, even though I don't spend all my time whining 'woe is me', because there's no point to it.
Happy Holidays. Merry Christmas. Happy Hanukkah. Merry Yule. Happy Saturnalia. I hope everyone had a good Bodhi Day. Shabe-Yalda.
I feel equally a jerk these days, because when I look around at my life...sure, there are still some things that aren't just brimming with sunshine and roses. Whose isn't? But on the whole? Everything that I was so damned miserable and wanted so badly to have? I have it now. Lock, stock, barrel...I believe the term is something along the lines of 'the whole caboodle' or some such garbage like that.
And I see other people who are unhappy, and I spend a lot of time trying *not* to emphasize the fact that I'm happy, because I don't want to rub anybody's nose in it. I remember wanting to smack people for what felt to me as though everybody else in the world got to be happy, and I was miserable, so what the hell? And while I *knew* that was crap, and didn't actually say or do things to that effect, it was still how it felt. And as a result, I just don't talk about how I'm doing, because it seems as though that would be somewhat crass.
But by the same token, I wasn't constantly sitting around talking about how miserable I was, and how unfair life was, constantly. And some of the people I know, they're doing precisely that. And that leaves me torn. Yes, the holidays, especially if you're alone, they suck. They really, really do. But you can't exactly expect for everyone to walk around on eggshells because you're unhappy, and cater to you, or blast them for attempting to cheer you up. When you do that, pretty soon you have no friends at all, which also sucks. There isn't really a good end result any way you look at it.
Woe is me only lasts so long, whining about it. At a certain point, you have to actually *do* something about it, because no one can actually do it for you. And everyone gets tired of hearing about it. You can *think* it all you like, but after a certain amount of time, you sort of have to suck it up, and deal. And around the holidays, you either need to fake it, or...you know, you just kind of have to fake it. There really aren't a lot of other options, because nobody really wants to listen to a huge list of complaints, especially if you've been singing the same tune for years.
Which probably makes me callous and cruel, or any other choice phrases. Nothing new there. And yes, I'm surely a hypocrite at the moment, because I *am* happy, and my life is full of joy or whatever, which actually isn't always the case, but I'm sure it looks that way to everybody else. But it's the case often enough for people to be jealous and to object to me telling anyone else to stop complaining about how bad their lives are.
The amusing part being, that the fact that I'm finally content with my life? It hasn't changed any of my other circumstances. My life is still hard, and I still don't spend all my time complaining about any of that, which is rarely taken into consideration by the peanut gallery when I point out that a lot of people have it a lot better and easier than I do, or ever will have.
I guess people should be grateful for what they have, and take a good long look at just what that is, before they sit around and complain about what they don't. That they should see how good they've got it, and how easy they've got, and be appreciative of those things, because I know very much how hard it can be, even though I don't spend all my time whining 'woe is me', because there's no point to it.
Happy Holidays. Merry Christmas. Happy Hanukkah. Merry Yule. Happy Saturnalia. I hope everyone had a good Bodhi Day. Shabe-Yalda.
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