the mechanics of physical pain

There are times that I don't want to be touched, not even by my cat, because the pressure that he applies by climbing on me with his paws causes so much pain when he walks on me that it is very near to unbearable, and as a result, I push him away. It is not that I don't love my cat, because I do, very much, it's just that I don't want him to hurt me.

I have fibromyalgia, which is a disorder that causes pain and weakness of my nerves and muscles. I have rheumatoid arthritis, which makes my joints be inflamed and painful and sometimes makes it hard to breathe. Fun, huh? Sucks for my cat, and anyone else that happens to try to touch me, or hug me if I'm having a bad day, because it can cause a lot of pain for me, even if they aren't applying a whole lot of pressure. If they accidentally applied serious pressure? You can multiply the pain quotient by about a billion.

The trouble is that I don't *look* sick, or injured, or anything else that makes me stand out for it being dangerous to touch me. I walk with a cane only sometimes, and even then, I don't exactly use it as a weapon to keep people away, and unfortunately, a lot of people see a cane and think they should try to assist someone by grabbing their arm or whatever...and in my case, that causes more harm than good. *sigh*

And on some days, I'm perfectly fine, pressure-wise. You can shake my hand, hug me, and I don't even flinch. But there's no way to gauge that, and I'm not willing to tell people "today is a good or a bad day" every second of the day. My bones won't break, that isn't the problem, but for the people who actually spend a lot of time with me, it makes me sad when they forget routinely how very much pain simple things can cause, and how irritated they get at me, because I flinch away.

I don't mean to hurt someone's feelings, because I'm hurting. I really don't. But for me, it feels like someone is hitting my body with a hammer when they use me to push themselves up, or to try and help me up. Most of the time it hurts more than helps, and I don't quite no how to make anyone understand.

When I get a migraine that appears out of nowhere, and I have to hide from the lights, and take medications, I don't mean to be no fun. I don't mean to be always cold, and have joint pain. I don't want to be sick. I never asked for it, and I don't quite no how to make it any better, aside from what I'm doing. All the doctors can tell me is that I need to keep my stress to a minimum, avoid getting sick, take my medications, and keep doing what I'm doing. Nothing is said about how to improve my quality of life in any of that. Nobody says anything about how to make the pain stop long enough to be cuddled to feel better when people get mad when you flinch because it hurts.