on being tactful or diplomatic as the keeper of the secrets

I have no less than six blogs that are more than half written, with links full of recommendations, of advice, among other things, that have never been posted. Six pieces of work, that have never been viewed by anyone but myself, that have been re-read, and revised multiple times, and still left sitting, unposted.

To a certain part as it stands for being the better part of valor, a lesson in tact and diplomacy. Nothing to gain by posting words that would decimate and cause pain, however it might help me to let out the anger or anguish I might be feeling at any given point.

And, as always, I remain the keeper of the secrets. Of everyone's secrets, really. And oh, the constant manipulations, and the lies both small and huge that are told to each other in the name of peace and love and harmony. And it both puzzles and baffles me, to watch the bizarre world that everyone lives in, and this three-ring-circus that's life, and relationships. Everybody loves each other *so much* that they lie, day to day, so they can, what? Keep each other? Is that it? And to be perfectly honest here, as far as I can see, from my quiet corner over here, everybody's quietly miserable, and can't communicate for shit. Not that anybody can be bothered to tell anybody else that. No, everybody is most decidedly farting fucking rosebushes, as far as they tell each other.

No, only the keeper of the secrets knows the truth. No one would actually want to tell the person they should be telling, because then, the house of cards would crumble, and they might have to face that cold, hard reality, and deal with it. And no one likes to do that. That's always my job. People know that. I am the one who deals in reality, whether I want to or not.

I am the one who makes the lousy decisions, and faces the facts when both options suck, and deals with them. I'm the one who tells people what they don't want to hear, and gets kicked to the curb, and dropped as a friend, until it's convenient to be lifted up again. And I know it, and accept it, because that's my job, right? I'm the one who keeps the secrets, the quiet, dirty little secrets.

When it's my own life, and both decisions are lousy, I handle them, and everyone simply expects it of me. Because I always land on my feet. It's just...what I do. No one expects anything less. I find a way, because that's just what a survivor does. What those who deal in reality do.

I plan ahead, I'm *always* looking at the worst-case scenario, and planning for contingencies. The eternal pessimist. But those things that enabled me to make it on my own, when faced with no one to hold me up, and keep a roof over my head, keep things intact, without anyone else supporting me, when there was nobody else but me to count on, are the same things that everyone else expects of me when their lives fall apart.

Those things, are why they continue to call me, and tell me their secrets. All of the problems, and trials and troubles, that they should, by rights, be telling the people they supposedly love the most, but are instead telling me, because I have practical, reasonable advice, if not solutions. And because they've been telling lies, and hiding things from those people who they should have been telling the truth all along to.

Because in all honesty, they're living a life made out of pipe dreams and pretzels, and lives like that aren't stable. The foundation that should have been made out of communication and trust and honesty, has instead been built on manipulation, and deceit and hope and desire. And that isn't the way it's supposed to work.

So, without further ado, here's a couple of links that are food for thought.

This is brought to you by the brilliant mind of Mira Kirshenbaum, who gives us "Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay", information on how to make a decision a little differently on staying in what appears to be a perfectly good long term relationship.

This is brought to you by the relationship gym, who will give you a decent list of how to categorize whether or not you're involved with a partner as a lover, a partner as a best friend, or a business partner. Because unless it's the right fit? That's going to be awkward, and you'll end up as part of the 52% divorce statistic, and that's going to suck.

Just sayin'. And I'm sorry that my blog tonight is so snarky, but it has been a *really* shitty day, on top of a really shitty week, which honestly? Is kind of the fucking cake-topper on a really lousy what feels like life, at the moment, and so I'm just not feeling particularly patient, or sympathetic a whole lot.

I actually have a whole other rant that I kind of want to write out, based from reading someone else's blog, that made me stop, take a very long, hard look around at myself, and my 'friends', and the fact that I'm not thrilled with the fact that I can't actually vouch for very many of them, while pretty much *all* of them, can safely vouch for me. There's nowhere any of them can take me to, and nothing I would do to embarrass them, nothing questionable about me, or my life now, that would cause concern. I cannot say that, about most of my 'friends', and that disturbed me. Realizing that there are that many people I know, who I wouldn't necessarily trust what might come out of their mouths, to do harm to me, or humiliate me just to amuse themselves, or some variation on that theme, didn't make me at all happy.