I read a blog earlier tonight, about cheating in relationships, both having been the person who helped someone to cheat, and having been the person cheated on. A lot of the people who were commenting were discussing their various opinions about whether or not they would be party to assisting in someone else's infidelity.
It occurs to me that I've actually worn the shoes on both feet in that situation, even though I felt "vindicated" at the time, to get even for what had been done to me. Didn't make it right, didn't make it any more or less fair, it just made it what it was. As it happens, I don't think that I'd do it again, I'm not much in the way of helping someone break up a relationship.
I've been watching some other people recently, screw each other over, and the sheer amount of discourtesy and deceit involved in the infidelity involved turned me inside out. I just don't have the stomach for it anymore. As most people know, I'm a supporter of polyamory, and its ideals. But not as a means of cheating on ones partner or partners. Not as a way to have a free-for-all sex life, or a reason to go out and hurt people indiscriminately.
There has to be a basic core set of rules, and those rules that have been agreed up in advance can't be broken, or all the person who violates those agreements in the end is, is nothing better than a cheating bastard, or a cheating whore, and doesn't deserve any respect at all. Violating trust in that kind of an arrangement is almost worse than being cheated on by a regular partner, because you have to be completely trusting in a polyarmous relationship. And when that sort of trust gets broken, it can harm more than just one person, depending on how many partners you happen to be involved with, which can rapidly get very dangerous.
I don't know, and I guess I just don't understand. Even now, given that I am not a particularly trusting person in general, I'm not certain that I'd ever be able to take the leap of faith that it would require to have a normal relationship, much less one that would involve more than one other person and try to maintain it. You have to let someone in, all the way, and accept that they won't hurt you, and not be jealous, and be committed and not committed at the same time. Seems like a lot of work, with a lot of risk.
I'm pretty much just rambling right now, because it's late, and I've been sorting through sources for trying to work out an argument for constitutional rights for same-sex marriage, and rebuttal arguments, and it's more complicated than I was expecting it to be, because I want to do a good job, so it's giving me trouble. I should probably just go and let my brain idle for a while, but I can't seem to sleep, which always brings me to blogging, which is why all you poor people end up reading whatever I happen to be writing. Apologies if none of it makes sense.
I suppose it could be worse. I could be ranting about how much I hate someone, or writing morose poetry, or lamenting about how miserable I am...been a while since I did that...oh, wait. I still do all of those things, I just don't do them here :P
It occurs to me that I've actually worn the shoes on both feet in that situation, even though I felt "vindicated" at the time, to get even for what had been done to me. Didn't make it right, didn't make it any more or less fair, it just made it what it was. As it happens, I don't think that I'd do it again, I'm not much in the way of helping someone break up a relationship.
I've been watching some other people recently, screw each other over, and the sheer amount of discourtesy and deceit involved in the infidelity involved turned me inside out. I just don't have the stomach for it anymore. As most people know, I'm a supporter of polyamory, and its ideals. But not as a means of cheating on ones partner or partners. Not as a way to have a free-for-all sex life, or a reason to go out and hurt people indiscriminately.
There has to be a basic core set of rules, and those rules that have been agreed up in advance can't be broken, or all the person who violates those agreements in the end is, is nothing better than a cheating bastard, or a cheating whore, and doesn't deserve any respect at all. Violating trust in that kind of an arrangement is almost worse than being cheated on by a regular partner, because you have to be completely trusting in a polyarmous relationship. And when that sort of trust gets broken, it can harm more than just one person, depending on how many partners you happen to be involved with, which can rapidly get very dangerous.
I don't know, and I guess I just don't understand. Even now, given that I am not a particularly trusting person in general, I'm not certain that I'd ever be able to take the leap of faith that it would require to have a normal relationship, much less one that would involve more than one other person and try to maintain it. You have to let someone in, all the way, and accept that they won't hurt you, and not be jealous, and be committed and not committed at the same time. Seems like a lot of work, with a lot of risk.
I'm pretty much just rambling right now, because it's late, and I've been sorting through sources for trying to work out an argument for constitutional rights for same-sex marriage, and rebuttal arguments, and it's more complicated than I was expecting it to be, because I want to do a good job, so it's giving me trouble. I should probably just go and let my brain idle for a while, but I can't seem to sleep, which always brings me to blogging, which is why all you poor people end up reading whatever I happen to be writing. Apologies if none of it makes sense.
I suppose it could be worse. I could be ranting about how much I hate someone, or writing morose poetry, or lamenting about how miserable I am...been a while since I did that...oh, wait. I still do all of those things, I just don't do them here :P
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