It isn't supposed to be like this, you see...things are supposed to be so much better now. And I want to cry, because they're not, and it seems so unfair, because they aren't perfect. My shiny, happy, easy time only lasted what seemed to have been such a brief moment. I knew I was playing the odds, I did. But waking up in the morning, full of energy and life, it was *so easy*, and it made me hope against hope that maybe it would continue to be that way.
I felt so alive, and so *good*. The sun didn't hurt me. Most of the major pain, it wasn't there. I kept hoping that was going to be normal...That maybe *I* was finally going to be normal.
I guess nothing lasts forever, huh?
They've diagnosed me, at long last, with Rheumatoid Arthritis, which isn't altogether surprising, when you figure in lupus and fibromyalgia. The lupus, as it turns out is very nearly completely in remission. But I'm going to be playing a round robin of new medications, and it's making me sick again. Plaquenil, which I've already started and is making me both dizzy and nauseous around the clock. Flexeril, which is making me sleepy as all hell, and I don't like at all. They want me on Methotrexate, which is a cancer/chemotherapy medication and if I can't talk the doctor out of it will simply make me yet more nauseous I'm sure, and since my Topamax already makes my birth control unstable, Methotrexate is incredibly dangerous for me to take. Methotrexate causes both birth defects and/or spontaneous abortion in women. It's *not* a good drug for any woman who is fertile to be on, which is why my neurologist doesn't want me taking it, but the rheumatologist knows that he's put patients on that mix before with no problems. My instinct tells me all his patients who take the mix have been either past child-bearing age, or male. In both those cases, it wouldn't be a problem...*sigh*.
And the really sad part is, because of all the stress, I just get more and more tired and more depressed day by day. All I want to do is sleep, and not have to deal with any of it. And I'd been feeling so good, and now I just want to give up again. Why can't I just wake up one morning, half the size I am now, and healthy? Is that too much to ask, to be normal, and healthy?
I got into it about my weight with someone recently, because his 'opinion' was that it should be pretty simple. I have two options as he sees it. I can either eat less, and exercise more, that's pretty simple, right? Or I can go and have the weight loss surgery, and take care of my problem that way. Either way would solve my problem.
The trouble is that I actually do eat pretty healthy, and I do exercise. Yes, I could probably do a little more than I do, but overall? I do not spend my days laying on my bed eating ice cream and potato chips, and drinking Pepsi, while having someone hand me junk food and watching soap operas. I get up and get what I want to eat, and I exercise. I take care of myself.
So I fear, greatly, that if I have weight loss surgery...what if it doesn't work, because I actually *am* already eating healthy, and it won't do me any good? If it cuts my calories down, but because I've already *done* that, it isn't going to do that awesome result that so many heavy people get? Then what? I've let someone do surgery on me, for no end result?
And being told by someone who doesn't actually have a weight problem, *and* who hasn't got physical restrictions limiting him from doing more exercise, and who can eat anything he wants, and does, majorly hurt me. Because it made me feel awful, about myself, and about everything I've done to get to where I am now. And as someone who couldn't walk from the living room to the car, I know what a major fucking deal it is, the fact that I can walk to anywhere I want to go. I might not get there very fast, but I can get there.
I own two canes, and I actually still *need* to use them, sometimes. They aren't here for decoration, or as toys because I just want them for my personal entertainment. That's what 'disabled' means. It means that it sucks to be me, and I have to cope with that, even when it isn't convenient. It means that some days, I'm going to be dizzy, and unbalanced, and whether I like it or not? Whether I'm heavy or skinny? I'm still going to need a cane. Because that's just how it is.
And I wonder sometimes, if he thinks that my losing weight is some kind of choice, and that if I really wanted to, I could just...write out a little plan, and hang it on the wall, and follow it, and it would just fall into line. That weight loss works that way, in some kind of "I want it this way, and if I would just have enough determination, then I'd be thin" sort of reasoning.
If it was that simple, I'd weigh about a hundred and fifteen pounds. I have determination in spades, what I don't have is a body that cooperates, and actually does what it seems as though it would logically do, in spite of what I put in, or take out, or exercise, or anything else. I can eat 600 calories a day. I can eat 2600 calories a day. I can, and have, followed x, y, z diets, to the letter, and the end result is still the same, every time. My weight doesn't move. I just don't know why :(
And now I'm more depressed than I was when I started writing this. I was rather hoping that the process of writing it was going to make me feel somewhat better, for working it out in my head, but it doesn't seem to have. So I'm going to go, and work on my never-ending homework, and then read a novel, where make-believe people solve make-believe problems, in some other world, that isn't mine, until I fall asleep.
Goodnight, internets. I hope that someone, somewhere is having a better night than I am.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Friday, September 18, 2009
respect for the people who have been lost and acknowleding the loss for a friend
I am so sorry, and no amount of words or sympathy will make it better. A prince among men, and a loss to many.
*silence and respect for the memory of*
*silence and respect for the memory of*
Sunday, September 13, 2009
I don't understand it when adults are selfish and immature to the point of ruining others' happiness. Perhaps I truly have removed myself from the rest of 'society', that I just stand/sit around and observe a lot of the time, instead of participating actively, and because I observe, I just don't understand how people can do so much harm to each other.
How can anyone be so narcissistic as to not notice the misery on someone else's face, the complete unhappiness radiating off of a person they're supposed to love? And it's an ongoing thing, not just a one-time event, which is part of what's disturbing me.
Reminds me of the smile now, cry later masks that I used to see, because if I ask, everyone swears that everyone is happy, and things will get better, of course they will. Just a little glitch, and everything is great, just needs a little work, and some time, and a little adjustment.
The trouble with 'a little work, some adjustment', and things of that nature? When you're building something new, if all the adjustments are one side? What you're building is just going to fall down. You can't make everything be happy, and you can't force everything to work, and correct all the little glitches yourself. It takes everyone working together to make things better.
It's a lesson I had to learn the hard way, that you can't force someone to be happy, when they're not. You can't make someone love you, who doesn't, and you can't turn someone into something that they just aren't. No matter how hard you try, and no matter what you do, people are just going to be who they are. It's a sad but true fact. You accept them, all of them, and not while wearing rose-colored glasses. You take them as they are, faults, limitations, flaws and all, or you don't take them. And you don't try to change them, or it just won't work. And if the person you think they are, and want them to be, isn't the person you want? Then, ultimately, you have to let them go, without hate and without malice, because that's just the way it has to work.
You cannot build a foundation on something that isn't real, because the cracks will keep splintering underneath you, and you can't patch holes forever. Fights, and facades kind of drains the life of a person, over time, no matter how hard someone tries. Nobody is that strong.
And I wonder, when the people who blithely drift through life, doing only what they want for themselves, and leaving wreckage and carnage in their wake, I wonder about the people they've destroyed. I wonder about the people who've been left by the wayside, or the ones who are still being damaged, and if they realize that walking away is a viable solution. I wonder at the sadness and the anger, what will come from that, over time? You can only abuse people so much, before revenge and havoc attempts to pay back for a lifetime of neglect and disinterest, or worse. The seeds of that kind of damage can be dark, indeed. And I wonder, if anyone ever thinks about that?
How can anyone be so narcissistic as to not notice the misery on someone else's face, the complete unhappiness radiating off of a person they're supposed to love? And it's an ongoing thing, not just a one-time event, which is part of what's disturbing me.
Reminds me of the smile now, cry later masks that I used to see, because if I ask, everyone swears that everyone is happy, and things will get better, of course they will. Just a little glitch, and everything is great, just needs a little work, and some time, and a little adjustment.
The trouble with 'a little work, some adjustment', and things of that nature? When you're building something new, if all the adjustments are one side? What you're building is just going to fall down. You can't make everything be happy, and you can't force everything to work, and correct all the little glitches yourself. It takes everyone working together to make things better.
It's a lesson I had to learn the hard way, that you can't force someone to be happy, when they're not. You can't make someone love you, who doesn't, and you can't turn someone into something that they just aren't. No matter how hard you try, and no matter what you do, people are just going to be who they are. It's a sad but true fact. You accept them, all of them, and not while wearing rose-colored glasses. You take them as they are, faults, limitations, flaws and all, or you don't take them. And you don't try to change them, or it just won't work. And if the person you think they are, and want them to be, isn't the person you want? Then, ultimately, you have to let them go, without hate and without malice, because that's just the way it has to work.
You cannot build a foundation on something that isn't real, because the cracks will keep splintering underneath you, and you can't patch holes forever. Fights, and facades kind of drains the life of a person, over time, no matter how hard someone tries. Nobody is that strong.
And I wonder, when the people who blithely drift through life, doing only what they want for themselves, and leaving wreckage and carnage in their wake, I wonder about the people they've destroyed. I wonder about the people who've been left by the wayside, or the ones who are still being damaged, and if they realize that walking away is a viable solution. I wonder at the sadness and the anger, what will come from that, over time? You can only abuse people so much, before revenge and havoc attempts to pay back for a lifetime of neglect and disinterest, or worse. The seeds of that kind of damage can be dark, indeed. And I wonder, if anyone ever thinks about that?
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
...testing, testing...is this thing even on?
Yeah, it's on. I haven't fallen into a chasm, and gotten trapped down at the bottom, although I'm sure it appears that way sometimes to those of you who I never talk to anymore. And that's an awful lot of people. I'm working on that, sorry about the lack of communication, I've been a combination of busy and exhausted. Today is what, Wednesday? Yes, it must be, I just got home, after spending the entire day either in doctor's offices, getting lab work done, or picking up new prescriptions from the new doctors.
I admit it, I'm...hopeful? The new guy seems incredibly competent, in addition to being very nice, and very willing to explain things to me, so that I grasp what it is that he's doing whatever he's doing. Downside? Mountains of lab work, and what I can already tell is probably going to be the round-robin game of MRI's in the near future. But as long as it's for a good cause, I'll deal with it.
Competency in the medical field goes a long way with me, and this gentleman certainly seems to know his shit. It's been quite a while since I sat down and had a conversation with a medical professional who I didn't need to educate on my various problems, and instead, who already knew what was wrong with me, and had suggestions on how to fix them. I'm feeling rather upbeat as a result.
But they took a lot of blood today, and I was incredibly stupid, and didn't think to eat before I left the house, nor did I think to take food with me, so I was woozy as hell after that blood draw, and now I feel kind of, no, incredibly run down. And I'm not sure how I'm going to react to the new stuff, but I'll give it a chance, because anything is better than the way I've been going on.
In other events, I'm looking forward to the paper I'll be researching for my crim class this week, it sounded interesting when I saw the assignment. I'll probably put it together either tomorrow, or Friday afternoon/evening, and tweak it Saturday before I turn it on Sunday. The child development/psychology assignment is also due this weekend, and I plan to put that together tomorrow, after I take C.A. to her appointment. She's nervous, and I want to be there for her.
If J's free Friday, there will be Angel, and if not, I'll do the fine tuning on the crim assignment. That's how that works. Either way, there won't be homework tonight, because I have other plans for myself tonight. I'm already too run down to try and focus for school, and I require cuddles and attention and love. And a shower.
I always want a freaking shower after the vampires at the lab take all my blood away. Not sure why, but I always feel all yucky and dirty, and want a shower. Weird. And I'm freezing cold, and want nothing more than to curl up under a blanket with someone who has a lot of body heat that I can steal. I suspect dinner will be something very fancy, like hot soup, and sandwiches. Right now, Ezz is laying on my lap, trying to keep me warm. He's such a good boy.
Maybe he'll come back to my lap after I get out of the shower. Mmm...maybe I'll make hot chocolate? That suddenly sounds incredibly good. Nummy hot chocolate and a warm kitteh and my warm blanket and a book, or maybe a movie. Hmm. I have earplugs in, to escape the evil that is the gardeners, since I have a headache, and I don't want to hear them.
So that's what I did today, I went and got jabbed with needles, made plans to do homework, and cuddled my kitteh. In a little while, my source of warmth and loves will get back home, and I will snuggle with him, so I should go and shower, so that I can cuddle on him and be all clean and not feel icky.
And away I go...g'night internets.
I admit it, I'm...hopeful? The new guy seems incredibly competent, in addition to being very nice, and very willing to explain things to me, so that I grasp what it is that he's doing whatever he's doing. Downside? Mountains of lab work, and what I can already tell is probably going to be the round-robin game of MRI's in the near future. But as long as it's for a good cause, I'll deal with it.
Competency in the medical field goes a long way with me, and this gentleman certainly seems to know his shit. It's been quite a while since I sat down and had a conversation with a medical professional who I didn't need to educate on my various problems, and instead, who already knew what was wrong with me, and had suggestions on how to fix them. I'm feeling rather upbeat as a result.
But they took a lot of blood today, and I was incredibly stupid, and didn't think to eat before I left the house, nor did I think to take food with me, so I was woozy as hell after that blood draw, and now I feel kind of, no, incredibly run down. And I'm not sure how I'm going to react to the new stuff, but I'll give it a chance, because anything is better than the way I've been going on.
In other events, I'm looking forward to the paper I'll be researching for my crim class this week, it sounded interesting when I saw the assignment. I'll probably put it together either tomorrow, or Friday afternoon/evening, and tweak it Saturday before I turn it on Sunday. The child development/psychology assignment is also due this weekend, and I plan to put that together tomorrow, after I take C.A. to her appointment. She's nervous, and I want to be there for her.
If J's free Friday, there will be Angel, and if not, I'll do the fine tuning on the crim assignment. That's how that works. Either way, there won't be homework tonight, because I have other plans for myself tonight. I'm already too run down to try and focus for school, and I require cuddles and attention and love. And a shower.
I always want a freaking shower after the vampires at the lab take all my blood away. Not sure why, but I always feel all yucky and dirty, and want a shower. Weird. And I'm freezing cold, and want nothing more than to curl up under a blanket with someone who has a lot of body heat that I can steal. I suspect dinner will be something very fancy, like hot soup, and sandwiches. Right now, Ezz is laying on my lap, trying to keep me warm. He's such a good boy.
Maybe he'll come back to my lap after I get out of the shower. Mmm...maybe I'll make hot chocolate? That suddenly sounds incredibly good. Nummy hot chocolate and a warm kitteh and my warm blanket and a book, or maybe a movie. Hmm. I have earplugs in, to escape the evil that is the gardeners, since I have a headache, and I don't want to hear them.
So that's what I did today, I went and got jabbed with needles, made plans to do homework, and cuddled my kitteh. In a little while, my source of warmth and loves will get back home, and I will snuggle with him, so I should go and shower, so that I can cuddle on him and be all clean and not feel icky.
And away I go...g'night internets.
Sunday, August 30, 2009
--a noteworthy aside--
Don't follow me to try and be like me, because there's not really a reason. Don't base your self-worth on what I'm doing. What I do, or don't, or choose to do shouldn't have any impact on anyone's life but my own. I'm sorry when my choices hurt someone else, I truly am, but I've long since stopped doing anything based on whether or not it's going to impact anyone else's life, and other people should do the same.
Whether I write something, update something, edit something, make things visible or not has nothing to do with anything that's visible to the general population of the internet. It's just not as a general rule. There are some days that I change out something, just because I decided that I wanted to match the background of my text editor to my new hair color, or what color shoes I have on. It's often just as random as that, and as thoughtless.
I know that, frequently, I get calls and emails because people think that what I'm writing is in direct relation to something having to do with them. Or that they've been locked out of something, or that I'm upset with someone. The truth is, I probably heard something on the news, read it on a blog, or saw something in a cloud that made me think a weird thought, and it ended up online, or made me want to switch out a setting, and there's no reason to think it had anything to do with anyone.
Imitation is not the most sincere form of flattery. It's more of a lack of being able to think of anything original for yourself. *sigh* I should know, I'm usually the person who thinks up something first, and then looks around and realizes a lot of people are now imitating me, and wanting to be like me, and I then stop doing something I was enjoying, because I don't *like* sycophants, and mindless drones who want to orbit around me trying to be like me. I'm sure other people enjoy having an entourage, but I'm not one of them. I don't *want* the spotlight, I don't *want* to be the center of attention. I never did, it just sort of was a side effect of what I'm told is an overwhelming personality.
I used to claim that I just don't see it, the effect I have on people, that I'm oblivious to it. But the truth is that I'm aware now, that people are drawn to me. But I'm not asking for that, and I don't crave it. I'm aware that it's there, but I'm not going seeking the attention. A lot of people hate me for it. Mostly women, the ones who want the spotlight, and the attention and who want to have those admirers. I've learned finally to accept and deal with that.
I was told recently that there can only be one "queen" in a group of people, and that's true. But I have no desire to be that "queen". I'm just here, and if people want to attempt to follow my lead, I can't prevent that. But I'm very tired of being imitated, and extremely exhausted by the amount of vitriol spewed in my direction by the people who want that attention, and the followers who I guess decided they liked me, or whatever it is that I'm doing. The people who can't share a spotlight, and as a result spend their time bashing me, and trying to tear me down to make themselves look better. In the long run, it doesn't do any real damage to me, because I've learned that I'm a good enough person that the lies jealous people spread tend to twist in on themselves, and people still like me. But in the short term? It's a pain in my ass.
I'm not sure why it is that people want to base their self-esteem on how many people like them anyhow, but I more or less accept that there are people like that. I'm not out to collect friends, and hold a popularity contest. I simply don't care enough to bother. I have my circle, and my circle is secure. I like the people I like, and they're good enough judges of character that they don't really need to have a popularity contest either. But while trying to join in 'regular' groups, and hanging out at random events, it becomes tedious. Which is why I rarely bother. It feels like high school, and ridiculous. At my age, who needs the aggravation?
Whether I write something, update something, edit something, make things visible or not has nothing to do with anything that's visible to the general population of the internet. It's just not as a general rule. There are some days that I change out something, just because I decided that I wanted to match the background of my text editor to my new hair color, or what color shoes I have on. It's often just as random as that, and as thoughtless.
I know that, frequently, I get calls and emails because people think that what I'm writing is in direct relation to something having to do with them. Or that they've been locked out of something, or that I'm upset with someone. The truth is, I probably heard something on the news, read it on a blog, or saw something in a cloud that made me think a weird thought, and it ended up online, or made me want to switch out a setting, and there's no reason to think it had anything to do with anyone.
Imitation is not the most sincere form of flattery. It's more of a lack of being able to think of anything original for yourself. *sigh* I should know, I'm usually the person who thinks up something first, and then looks around and realizes a lot of people are now imitating me, and wanting to be like me, and I then stop doing something I was enjoying, because I don't *like* sycophants, and mindless drones who want to orbit around me trying to be like me. I'm sure other people enjoy having an entourage, but I'm not one of them. I don't *want* the spotlight, I don't *want* to be the center of attention. I never did, it just sort of was a side effect of what I'm told is an overwhelming personality.
I used to claim that I just don't see it, the effect I have on people, that I'm oblivious to it. But the truth is that I'm aware now, that people are drawn to me. But I'm not asking for that, and I don't crave it. I'm aware that it's there, but I'm not going seeking the attention. A lot of people hate me for it. Mostly women, the ones who want the spotlight, and the attention and who want to have those admirers. I've learned finally to accept and deal with that.
I was told recently that there can only be one "queen" in a group of people, and that's true. But I have no desire to be that "queen". I'm just here, and if people want to attempt to follow my lead, I can't prevent that. But I'm very tired of being imitated, and extremely exhausted by the amount of vitriol spewed in my direction by the people who want that attention, and the followers who I guess decided they liked me, or whatever it is that I'm doing. The people who can't share a spotlight, and as a result spend their time bashing me, and trying to tear me down to make themselves look better. In the long run, it doesn't do any real damage to me, because I've learned that I'm a good enough person that the lies jealous people spread tend to twist in on themselves, and people still like me. But in the short term? It's a pain in my ass.
I'm not sure why it is that people want to base their self-esteem on how many people like them anyhow, but I more or less accept that there are people like that. I'm not out to collect friends, and hold a popularity contest. I simply don't care enough to bother. I have my circle, and my circle is secure. I like the people I like, and they're good enough judges of character that they don't really need to have a popularity contest either. But while trying to join in 'regular' groups, and hanging out at random events, it becomes tedious. Which is why I rarely bother. It feels like high school, and ridiculous. At my age, who needs the aggravation?
--sun rise, sun set--
Time passes, even when no one is paying any attention. It just keeps rolling right on by. It's almost September, will be in a couple more days. This is the third week of school for me, took and bombed a test, although I aced a couple of others, so it's balancing out. Been writing papers, and more papers, and yet more papers. Accidentally took a course that's a short class, without realizing it, which explains why I feel like I'm drowning in assignments of writing as it turns out.
The classwork is, for the most part, interesting when it's not being so overwhelming that I kind of want to scream. And that's okay too. I'm used to that. It looks like I'm finally going to get some help in here, to take the pressure off with a lot of other things around the house, so I'm not stressed out about so many other things, and that will help. With my attention divided so many ways, and constantly worrying about things that I shouldn't need to worry about, so I can actually focus on my studying, that will smooth out, at least inside of my head with regard to my education.
Next semester, I'll start studying sign language in depth. By the time I'm finished, I *should* end up completely fluent in it, and with the ability to translate for others, in addition to being able to use it for my personal use. And that makes me happy. I'm sort of, at the back of my mind, wondering if it might be worthwhile to teach it. That keeps coming and going as a passing thought though.
In my personal life, as much of it as I'm willing to actually discuss on the intarwebs? Things are...yeah,they're actually going so well it's truly disgusting. There are some days that I'm half-tempted to float little balloons, and hang streamers, and gloat a little. Granted, it's not always sunny, because, well, nothing's perfect, and that would be ridiculous to hope for. But overall? I took a huge risk two months ago, and it paid off, in spades. And I'm happy. I wasn't sure I would be, and I'm still insecure sometimes, but those insecurities are my own, and I'm well-loved and I know it. And when I don't know it? All I need to do now is say that to get the reassurances that I need. Well, at least I do when I'm not being stubborn about not saying anything. And no one can do anything about my stubborn streak. And fairly regularly, I don't even need to say anything to get reassured. It's kind of nice.
Maybe we'll graduate from college like normal people, and ride off on horseback into the sunset, and live happily ever after, you know? And do the things that happy people do, and be happy. My instinct tells me that it's in our best interest to do it far, far from where we currently live, but hey, that might just be because I don't like the town I live in. *shrug*
So, yeah, that would be what's going on in my life. Things are going on, the way things do, and my grades are good, and my bills are getting paid, well, some of them at any rate. And I'm in a secure, committed relationship with someone I love, and I more often than not don't want to kill him, or me, and my cat is happy and healthy, and I should be getting my car fixed eventually. The world continues to turn, and the sun rises and sets.
The classwork is, for the most part, interesting when it's not being so overwhelming that I kind of want to scream. And that's okay too. I'm used to that. It looks like I'm finally going to get some help in here, to take the pressure off with a lot of other things around the house, so I'm not stressed out about so many other things, and that will help. With my attention divided so many ways, and constantly worrying about things that I shouldn't need to worry about, so I can actually focus on my studying, that will smooth out, at least inside of my head with regard to my education.
Next semester, I'll start studying sign language in depth. By the time I'm finished, I *should* end up completely fluent in it, and with the ability to translate for others, in addition to being able to use it for my personal use. And that makes me happy. I'm sort of, at the back of my mind, wondering if it might be worthwhile to teach it. That keeps coming and going as a passing thought though.
In my personal life, as much of it as I'm willing to actually discuss on the intarwebs? Things are...yeah,they're actually going so well it's truly disgusting. There are some days that I'm half-tempted to float little balloons, and hang streamers, and gloat a little. Granted, it's not always sunny, because, well, nothing's perfect, and that would be ridiculous to hope for. But overall? I took a huge risk two months ago, and it paid off, in spades. And I'm happy. I wasn't sure I would be, and I'm still insecure sometimes, but those insecurities are my own, and I'm well-loved and I know it. And when I don't know it? All I need to do now is say that to get the reassurances that I need. Well, at least I do when I'm not being stubborn about not saying anything. And no one can do anything about my stubborn streak. And fairly regularly, I don't even need to say anything to get reassured. It's kind of nice.
Maybe we'll graduate from college like normal people, and ride off on horseback into the sunset, and live happily ever after, you know? And do the things that happy people do, and be happy. My instinct tells me that it's in our best interest to do it far, far from where we currently live, but hey, that might just be because I don't like the town I live in. *shrug*
So, yeah, that would be what's going on in my life. Things are going on, the way things do, and my grades are good, and my bills are getting paid, well, some of them at any rate. And I'm in a secure, committed relationship with someone I love, and I more often than not don't want to kill him, or me, and my cat is happy and healthy, and I should be getting my car fixed eventually. The world continues to turn, and the sun rises and sets.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
just another brick in the wall
It's strange to me to look at something, and recognize it for what it is. I've been reading a story recently, and it's a good one, the writing is decent, the storyline is interesting and all. But it's still depressing to read. Because I can recognize it for what it is, and always have been able to. Anyone who is familiar with the author would recognize it for what it is. I suppose that might actually be what makes a good author, the ability to take the dreams you want most, and put them down on paper. Something that could be publishable to the masses. Unless of course that you're living in some place where that fiction is real. That might actually be dangerous. Not sure. Either way, it's an interesting story.
At any rate. School's back in session, and I'm swamped again. I think I might have taken a little too much onto my plate, although that might smooth out a bit once I get into a routine. I so desperately hate the 'introduce yourself and come up with banal things to say to the other students for the first week of class along with writing whatever the actual assignments are' bullshit.
I need to go and get a fix-it ticket signed off at DMV, and run down to the courthouse to pay it, and then that'll be done. There are a few other errands I'm supposed to be doing right now, but what I'm doing is writing this, because I needed to take a slight break from the normal patter that's been my life for the last week and a half, and decompress. I also need to check my mail.
Oh...I'm not sure how many students read my blog, but for those who do, if you're still buying textbooks in the traditional fashion, I'm using a new service, renting them for the semester...it saved me several hundred dollars this semester by doing it this way. Check it out: www.chegg.com is a place that both rents out the textbooks, which you can buy if you decide you like or want to keep them, and they plant trees for using the service. It's pretty neat. And, bonus, a crapload of money saved. And since I'm spending a shitload of money on books, as anyone who's in college can attest on books, it's a good thing to check out. My public service announcement for the day or something.
I'm kind of feeling run ragged, which is why this is so snarky. I got a new printer, as Phillip gave me one, which was massively helpful, so I didn't end up needing to shell out a couple hundred dollars, and it does all the bells and whistles things that I needed a printer to do. It's pretty nice. I have my computer working in tandem with my television so I can watch things streaming from it, since Danny set me up to do that, and I've been rather enjoying that when I have spare time. I've made a few new friends, and have actually *gasp* gone out to a couple of parties and barbecues over the last month or so. But really though, for the people who have been sending comments asking if I'm doing alright, yes, I am.
I've been tired, and I've been offline because I've been busy, but I'm doing okay. I took up a couple of new hobbies, I've been busy with school and my boyfriend, and things are doing alright. I've been mostly happy, with the occasional bouts of depression because my medications have been being tinkered with, and I've had to cope with the side effects that come with that. Other than that, all is well. But I appreciate the concern.
There are a few people that I miss from my life that aren't here. And there are some people who are gone now that I'm kind of glad are gone, because my life is easier without them in it. All in all? Things are just kind of moving along, the way things do. I hope everyone out there in the internet world is doing well too. I hope they have the things they need, and are happy and healthy.
Laterz, internets.
At any rate. School's back in session, and I'm swamped again. I think I might have taken a little too much onto my plate, although that might smooth out a bit once I get into a routine. I so desperately hate the 'introduce yourself and come up with banal things to say to the other students for the first week of class along with writing whatever the actual assignments are' bullshit.
I need to go and get a fix-it ticket signed off at DMV, and run down to the courthouse to pay it, and then that'll be done. There are a few other errands I'm supposed to be doing right now, but what I'm doing is writing this, because I needed to take a slight break from the normal patter that's been my life for the last week and a half, and decompress. I also need to check my mail.
Oh...I'm not sure how many students read my blog, but for those who do, if you're still buying textbooks in the traditional fashion, I'm using a new service, renting them for the semester...it saved me several hundred dollars this semester by doing it this way. Check it out: www.chegg.com is a place that both rents out the textbooks, which you can buy if you decide you like or want to keep them, and they plant trees for using the service. It's pretty neat. And, bonus, a crapload of money saved. And since I'm spending a shitload of money on books, as anyone who's in college can attest on books, it's a good thing to check out. My public service announcement for the day or something.
I'm kind of feeling run ragged, which is why this is so snarky. I got a new printer, as Phillip gave me one, which was massively helpful, so I didn't end up needing to shell out a couple hundred dollars, and it does all the bells and whistles things that I needed a printer to do. It's pretty nice. I have my computer working in tandem with my television so I can watch things streaming from it, since Danny set me up to do that, and I've been rather enjoying that when I have spare time. I've made a few new friends, and have actually *gasp* gone out to a couple of parties and barbecues over the last month or so. But really though, for the people who have been sending comments asking if I'm doing alright, yes, I am.
I've been tired, and I've been offline because I've been busy, but I'm doing okay. I took up a couple of new hobbies, I've been busy with school and my boyfriend, and things are doing alright. I've been mostly happy, with the occasional bouts of depression because my medications have been being tinkered with, and I've had to cope with the side effects that come with that. Other than that, all is well. But I appreciate the concern.
There are a few people that I miss from my life that aren't here. And there are some people who are gone now that I'm kind of glad are gone, because my life is easier without them in it. All in all? Things are just kind of moving along, the way things do. I hope everyone out there in the internet world is doing well too. I hope they have the things they need, and are happy and healthy.
Laterz, internets.
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