this friday, my day will most likely suck ass

So on Friday I'll be going in to see my doctor about some testing, since my pregnancy test did come back negative. While I'll still need to have one more of those run, just to rule out the last of the fun and games we had since I wasn't on active birth control for that three week run, I still need to know what the hell is wrong with me.

Unfortunately, while I'm very much aware there are many, many women out there who are coming up negative on pregnancy tests in this country because of antibodies bonding to the HCG hormones in their bodies, that are masking pregnancies, and they only find out by ultrasound about the babies, I can't exactly just sit around and wait.

Thus, I searched out other stuff...and came up with the fact that one other thing fits my symptoms. And it sucked. Enough that in spite of my hating dealing with my doctor, off to the stupid ass physician I go. Apparently ovarian cancer also fits most of my symptoms pretty damned well.

And since I've already had cancer, and the majority of my immediate family has also had reproductive cancer in some fashion, I guess I'm about to go through a round of testing, just to be sure. I'm not willing to take that kind of a chance. My health is already unstable enough without throwing an advanced case of cancer that *can't* be treated into the mix.

The Mayo Clinic website on Ovarian Cancer

Signs and symptoms

Symptoms of ovarian cancer are nonspecific and mimic those of many other more common conditions, including digestive and bladder disorders. It isn't unusual for a woman with ovarian cancer to be diagnosed with another condition before finally learning she has cancer. The key seems to be persistent or worsening signs and symptoms. With most digestive disorders, symptoms tend to come and go, or they occur in certain situations or after eating certain foods. With ovarian cancer, there's typically little fluctuation — symptoms are constant and gradually worsen.

Recent studies have shown that women with ovarian cancer are more likely than are other women to consistently experience the following symptoms:

* Abdominal pressure, fullness, swelling or bloating
* Urinary urgency
* Pelvic discomfort or pain

Additional signs and symptoms that women with ovarian cancer may experience include:

* Persistent indigestion, gas or nausea
* Unexplained changes in bowel habits, including diarrhea or constipation
* Changes in bladder habits, including a frequent need to urinate
* Loss of appetite
* Unexplained weight loss or gain
* Increased abdominal girth or clothes fitting tighter around your waist
* Pain during intercourse (dyspareunia)
* A persistent lack of energy
* Low back pain

Doctors can usually diagnose ovarian cancer within three months of women first noticing symptoms, but sometimes it may take six months or longer before a diagnosis can be made.

Well it's official

We're not going to make it. Money-wise that is. I've trimmed everything down to the base minimum that I can, and there just isn't any way to make the amounts going out smaller. And now I genuinely don't have a clue what the hell to do. No matter what I do, on the first of June, we're 400 dollars negative. There just isn't enough money to go around. And that's predicated on the fact that I don't buy any groceries at all for the rest of this month, or at all next month. That's just base bills. Somehow I need to find a way to recoup approximately 1000 dollars, to get us to someplace vaguely similar to level. The credit cards are maxed. And it isn't like I'm spending money, because I'm not. I'm not even driving my car anywhere, because I don't want to use the gas. Being broke sucks.

So if any of you have money that you want to give to me, at this point, I'm taking donations. Evidentally I only have to manage until the second week in July, and I can start making things balance again. But for right now, donations/repayments of loans/magic money trees, I'm accepting from all sources.

See ya...