As seen on MSNBC, the story about Adolf Hitler Campbell, and his two younger siblings being removed by protective services from their parents.
I'm kind of torn, since the article didn't really say anything aside from the children were removed. Not that I agree, at all, with naming your children something that is designed to antagonize people, and that will make their lives really difficult. But I'm also not sure I agree with the supporting the right of the state to remove the children unless those parents were actually, you know...injuring the children. Argh. Yes, it's psychological harm as they get older. Sigh.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
I'm tired. Oh, so tired. I'm tired, and wired, and grey.
Ok, that was terrible, even for me. But whatever. I actually am tired. And in the middle of a shitty lupus flare, brought on by stress. Yay, stress! It makes the world turn! Ain't life fun?
But school is back in session, and I'm glad of that, and think classes are going to be ones I enjoy. Or at least, so I say now, as they get rolling, and will probably be cursing roundly later on, when I'm buried under term papers, and tearing out my hair. That's okay though. Right now, I'm happy that it's back in session.
And I'm going to sleep. I think. I hope. If I can.
No nightmares, right? *RIGHT*?!?!
Ok, that was terrible, even for me. But whatever. I actually am tired. And in the middle of a shitty lupus flare, brought on by stress. Yay, stress! It makes the world turn! Ain't life fun?
But school is back in session, and I'm glad of that, and think classes are going to be ones I enjoy. Or at least, so I say now, as they get rolling, and will probably be cursing roundly later on, when I'm buried under term papers, and tearing out my hair. That's okay though. Right now, I'm happy that it's back in session.
And I'm going to sleep. I think. I hope. If I can.
No nightmares, right? *RIGHT*?!?!
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Things that absolutely *suck*
And among them are:
1. Knowing people apparently have no original thoughts of their own, and evidently need to read my blog to garner them. I suppose that could go either way, 'imitation and flattery' and whatnot. Still sucks. Get your own ideas.
2. Not being able to stand up to anyone, when it matters, and not being able to do the things that you want to do.
3. Being accused of being a selfish person, when in fact you aren't, because you simply refuse to keep playing stupid junior high games.
4. Receiving gifts from people that hate me, two hours after I post something here that references them, just to remind me of them.
5. Missing big, bald people randomly.
6. Having 26 lbs of fur leap from your head.
7. Stubbing an already cold toe, which makes it hurt several times worse than necessary.
Oh. And people who are too stubborn for their own good. That sucks too. Who said it to me? Ah, yes, thank you Trinette. Put your damn pride in your pocket if necessary, and grow up. That's how this whole "Being an adult" thing, works. It means that sometimes, you have to be the one who apologizes, and you don't get to manipulate things around to have someone come running, and you don't get to have everything just wash under the bridge. Sometimes, you have to stick your pride in your pocket, and accept that when you tell someone to never speak to you again, and that they mean nothing? Those words are going to stick, and in order to un-stick them? *YOU* might actually have to undo that damage. That is how it works, when someone takes you at your word, and they leave. Third-party messages and insults need not apply. And yes, you run the risk of even personalized messages not working. That's a risk you take. Because that's what being an adult *means*.
1. Knowing people apparently have no original thoughts of their own, and evidently need to read my blog to garner them. I suppose that could go either way, 'imitation and flattery' and whatnot. Still sucks. Get your own ideas.
2. Not being able to stand up to anyone, when it matters, and not being able to do the things that you want to do.
3. Being accused of being a selfish person, when in fact you aren't, because you simply refuse to keep playing stupid junior high games.
4. Receiving gifts from people that hate me, two hours after I post something here that references them, just to remind me of them.
5. Missing big, bald people randomly.
6. Having 26 lbs of fur leap from your head.
7. Stubbing an already cold toe, which makes it hurt several times worse than necessary.
Oh. And people who are too stubborn for their own good. That sucks too. Who said it to me? Ah, yes, thank you Trinette. Put your damn pride in your pocket if necessary, and grow up. That's how this whole "Being an adult" thing, works. It means that sometimes, you have to be the one who apologizes, and you don't get to manipulate things around to have someone come running, and you don't get to have everything just wash under the bridge. Sometimes, you have to stick your pride in your pocket, and accept that when you tell someone to never speak to you again, and that they mean nothing? Those words are going to stick, and in order to un-stick them? *YOU* might actually have to undo that damage. That is how it works, when someone takes you at your word, and they leave. Third-party messages and insults need not apply. And yes, you run the risk of even personalized messages not working. That's a risk you take. Because that's what being an adult *means*.
Monday, January 12, 2009
So I'd like to blame Corey
For my newest playlist of music. It's all his fault. LOL.
If he hadn't been blaring it throughout the raids recently, I wouldn't have it stuck in my head, and I wouldn't in turn be subjecting everyone who logs into my blog to it. So, blame Corey. Muhahahaha.
In other news, school starts...oh, today. And while yes, I should be sleeping, I'm not. However, I have logged in and done more than half of this week's assignment, so it's not as bad as it could be. And I have to go to FCC tomorrow, because one of my professors is the sucktastic, and listed a book wrong, which means I need to buy a different one. Craptastic for the lose. And no choice, because I have to have it like, now, and there's nowhere else to get it this soon. Such is life.
Other than that, I'm gonna head to bed, and attempt to sleep if I can stop being wired with happy because school's back in session, and that means something can go back to normal now. Yippee!
If he hadn't been blaring it throughout the raids recently, I wouldn't have it stuck in my head, and I wouldn't in turn be subjecting everyone who logs into my blog to it. So, blame Corey. Muhahahaha.
In other news, school starts...oh, today. And while yes, I should be sleeping, I'm not. However, I have logged in and done more than half of this week's assignment, so it's not as bad as it could be. And I have to go to FCC tomorrow, because one of my professors is the sucktastic, and listed a book wrong, which means I need to buy a different one. Craptastic for the lose. And no choice, because I have to have it like, now, and there's nowhere else to get it this soon. Such is life.
Other than that, I'm gonna head to bed, and attempt to sleep if I can stop being wired with happy because school's back in session, and that means something can go back to normal now. Yippee!
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Like something stitched together, reminiscent of a tapestry
Your absence is noted in everything I do
The threads of fate that wove my tapestry
The pieces spun together to make up my life
For better or worse, those pieces remain
But each day, the threads grow longer
New additions to the tapestry are added
The new threads change my life
The pieces change the whole
Different stitches, a different whole
I note the absence, I see the whole, I watch the threads
Each thread from my past remains
Each time a thread was sundered
Additions were woven in to begin anew
A new frame of life
New pieces, tied with the old, to change the whole
The absences have gone through me
New and brilliant colors have been woven in
I have not forgotten, where the fading threads have been sundered
Fates threads simply made new patterns
Your absence is noted in everything I do
The threads of fate that wove my tapestry
The pieces spun together to make up my life
For better or worse, those pieces remain
But each day, the threads grow longer
New additions to the tapestry are added
The new threads change my life
The pieces change the whole
Different stitches, a different whole
I note the absence, I see the whole, I watch the threads
Each thread from my past remains
Each time a thread was sundered
Additions were woven in to begin anew
A new frame of life
New pieces, tied with the old, to change the whole
The absences have gone through me
New and brilliant colors have been woven in
I have not forgotten, where the fading threads have been sundered
Fates threads simply made new patterns
Thursday, January 8, 2009
manipulation, threats and insults
I find it curious that people really just can't deal with me. I am evidently a big, scary monster or some variation on that theme. Who knows. But I dislike, intensely, having people attempt to manipulate me.
I grow weary of getting messages telling me this, that, or the other things, and telling me to go and talk to this person or that person. Someone wants to know something, and I need to go make up with someone. Don't I miss them? Don't I love them anymore? You know what? I was told to piss off, and leave them alone. Go away, and not come back. Those choices were made by *everyone else*, and I had to deal with them. And it sucked.
And then, after what I guess was supposed to be a suitable amount of time, and they decided they weren't "mad at me" anymore? Or they were no longer pissy, or whatever variation on the theme? Fuck, I don't know. I had been punished enough? Then, hey, time to go ahead, and grant me some kind of forgiveness? Yeah, tired of that.
I'm tired of being granted forgiveness for shit when I didn't actually do anything wrong. I'm not apologizing for things when I didn't try to hurt anyone. And I'm sick of being slapped around, and broken, simply because everyone *else* gets a stick up their ass, and I'm a handy target. It's bullshit.
And now? Sending out the minions, and when I don't do or say, or feel the way I'm supposed to? And fall in line? Being told I'm a selfish bitch, and that I should have just gone and fucking killed myself, and saved everyone the trouble? This is equally bullshit. I didn't deserve that, any of it. Getting cute little queries about what kind of person I am, and how obviously I really am a shitty person, since I've lost everyone important to me, the same way I lost my kid.
Well, a: that's no one's business. And b: that isn't true. I'm so fucking sick of this crap. I'm not even sure who started the rumor mill going again, and I don't really care at this point. But I'm tired of it.
Getting sick doesn't make me a horrible person. It doesn't make me a defunct person. It doesn't make me less of a person. Being an asshole, and spreading bullshit rumors simply because you're bent out of shape? That isn't a reflection on *me*. I never actually did respond, didn't say anything at all, and apparently that just fanned the flames, which is kind of sad. It used to be that trolls only got more upset, if you fed them. Apparently there's a new kind of troll in town, and they respond if you ignore them. Who would've thought that doing the mature thing, and not saying anything, would make things worse?
I certainly didn't. I don't quite belong anywhere, apparently. And I'm sorry about that, but mostly because I'm now being very, very careful about where I step, and what I say. To everyone.
Things are actually going decently for me, and I'm trying to keep it that way. It's not sunshine and rainbows. There are still problems, and pockets of dissent and turmoil. But I'm keeping things quiet, and steady, and I'm doing okay. I don't quite understand why it is that people feel a need to try and manipulate me into doing what I don't want to do. Why, when I don't fall into the way they want it, they issue insults and tell me nasty things designed to hurt me. I just want to be left alone and in peace.
When everyone told me to fuck off, and leave them alone, that's what I did. I'm sorry that now, they don't like the choices they made, but that isn't my fault, precisely. For months, people have beaten me over the head wanting to know why I kept repeating cycles that kept hurting me. Why I wouldn't just walk away, and leave alone things that kept hurting me? Well, see, the thing is, that now? I have walked away, and am leaving alone things that are hurting me.
I walked away, and left Phil alone. I walked away, and left alone everyone else that can hurt me. The people who told me to leave? I left alone now. The trouble is that, as always, it doesn't apply to them, except when it's convenient for them. I've stopped trying to maintain relationships with people who don't want me, except when it's handy for them. Because that's how it felt, to be kicked, hard, for trying to help, and then broken, and left bleeding. I finally listened, when told to go, and not come back. And I'm sorry, that after being told, over and over, that it's inconvenient to everyone that now, I suddenly realized that trying to salvage something that hurts me? Just...isn't worth it.
Maybe it would be nice to be able to walk down the streets here in town, and see people I used to know, and have them acknowledge me. But at the same time? I know that isn't going to happen. I never know if they're going to be people who hate me, because the memories I have of people, and the memories they have of me, don't always match. And I've learned that, the hard way, more times than I can count, over the years. So I've *finally* stopped trying. And I won't say it's stopped hurting. But at least I'm not tearing open a wound that starts to heal, and I'm not constantly ripping myself apart.
I can't and won't keep doing it. I don't have "old" friends. I don't have "new" friends. I don't really have...anything. There are just kind of people who are around, and that's enough. Because it's easier that way. And maybe I'll make "friends", once I finally leave here, and leave behind the pieces of a shattered past, where I don't remember, and where things aren't attacking me constantly, simply for having existed. But while I stay here, I'll just do what I'm doing, and keep things quiet, and as sane as I can make it, and get by. And that's enough.
But I don't need people telling me to go and kill myself, and save myself and everyone else the trouble. There's no call for that. I'm not bothering anyone. I don't want to have to focus only on hurting, to know that I'm still alive. It isn't fair, and I don't want that anymore.
I grow weary of getting messages telling me this, that, or the other things, and telling me to go and talk to this person or that person. Someone wants to know something, and I need to go make up with someone. Don't I miss them? Don't I love them anymore? You know what? I was told to piss off, and leave them alone. Go away, and not come back. Those choices were made by *everyone else*, and I had to deal with them. And it sucked.
And then, after what I guess was supposed to be a suitable amount of time, and they decided they weren't "mad at me" anymore? Or they were no longer pissy, or whatever variation on the theme? Fuck, I don't know. I had been punished enough? Then, hey, time to go ahead, and grant me some kind of forgiveness? Yeah, tired of that.
I'm tired of being granted forgiveness for shit when I didn't actually do anything wrong. I'm not apologizing for things when I didn't try to hurt anyone. And I'm sick of being slapped around, and broken, simply because everyone *else* gets a stick up their ass, and I'm a handy target. It's bullshit.
And now? Sending out the minions, and when I don't do or say, or feel the way I'm supposed to? And fall in line? Being told I'm a selfish bitch, and that I should have just gone and fucking killed myself, and saved everyone the trouble? This is equally bullshit. I didn't deserve that, any of it. Getting cute little queries about what kind of person I am, and how obviously I really am a shitty person, since I've lost everyone important to me, the same way I lost my kid.
Well, a: that's no one's business. And b: that isn't true. I'm so fucking sick of this crap. I'm not even sure who started the rumor mill going again, and I don't really care at this point. But I'm tired of it.
Getting sick doesn't make me a horrible person. It doesn't make me a defunct person. It doesn't make me less of a person. Being an asshole, and spreading bullshit rumors simply because you're bent out of shape? That isn't a reflection on *me*. I never actually did respond, didn't say anything at all, and apparently that just fanned the flames, which is kind of sad. It used to be that trolls only got more upset, if you fed them. Apparently there's a new kind of troll in town, and they respond if you ignore them. Who would've thought that doing the mature thing, and not saying anything, would make things worse?
I certainly didn't. I don't quite belong anywhere, apparently. And I'm sorry about that, but mostly because I'm now being very, very careful about where I step, and what I say. To everyone.
Things are actually going decently for me, and I'm trying to keep it that way. It's not sunshine and rainbows. There are still problems, and pockets of dissent and turmoil. But I'm keeping things quiet, and steady, and I'm doing okay. I don't quite understand why it is that people feel a need to try and manipulate me into doing what I don't want to do. Why, when I don't fall into the way they want it, they issue insults and tell me nasty things designed to hurt me. I just want to be left alone and in peace.
When everyone told me to fuck off, and leave them alone, that's what I did. I'm sorry that now, they don't like the choices they made, but that isn't my fault, precisely. For months, people have beaten me over the head wanting to know why I kept repeating cycles that kept hurting me. Why I wouldn't just walk away, and leave alone things that kept hurting me? Well, see, the thing is, that now? I have walked away, and am leaving alone things that are hurting me.
I walked away, and left Phil alone. I walked away, and left alone everyone else that can hurt me. The people who told me to leave? I left alone now. The trouble is that, as always, it doesn't apply to them, except when it's convenient for them. I've stopped trying to maintain relationships with people who don't want me, except when it's handy for them. Because that's how it felt, to be kicked, hard, for trying to help, and then broken, and left bleeding. I finally listened, when told to go, and not come back. And I'm sorry, that after being told, over and over, that it's inconvenient to everyone that now, I suddenly realized that trying to salvage something that hurts me? Just...isn't worth it.
Maybe it would be nice to be able to walk down the streets here in town, and see people I used to know, and have them acknowledge me. But at the same time? I know that isn't going to happen. I never know if they're going to be people who hate me, because the memories I have of people, and the memories they have of me, don't always match. And I've learned that, the hard way, more times than I can count, over the years. So I've *finally* stopped trying. And I won't say it's stopped hurting. But at least I'm not tearing open a wound that starts to heal, and I'm not constantly ripping myself apart.
I can't and won't keep doing it. I don't have "old" friends. I don't have "new" friends. I don't really have...anything. There are just kind of people who are around, and that's enough. Because it's easier that way. And maybe I'll make "friends", once I finally leave here, and leave behind the pieces of a shattered past, where I don't remember, and where things aren't attacking me constantly, simply for having existed. But while I stay here, I'll just do what I'm doing, and keep things quiet, and as sane as I can make it, and get by. And that's enough.
But I don't need people telling me to go and kill myself, and save myself and everyone else the trouble. There's no call for that. I'm not bothering anyone. I don't want to have to focus only on hurting, to know that I'm still alive. It isn't fair, and I don't want that anymore.
Thursday, January 1, 2009
Happy New Year 2009
I like living. I have sometimes been wildly, despairingly, acutely miserable, racked with sorrow, but through it all I still know quite certainly that just to be alive is a grand thing.
--Agatha Christie
People don't ever seem to realize that doing what's right is no guarantee against misfortune.
--William McFee
Hatred paralyzes life; love releases it.
Hatred confuses life; love harmonizes it.
Hatred darkens life; love illumines it.
--Martin Luther King, Jr.
Your living is determined not so much by what life brings to you as by the attitude you bring to life; not so much by what happens to you as by the way your mind looks at what happens. Circumstances and situations do color life but you have been given the mind to choose what the color shall be.
--John Homer Miller
The summit of happiness is reached when a person is ready to be what he is.
--Erasmus
JUST FOR TODAY, I will live through this day only. I will not brood about yesterday or obsess about tomorrow. I will not set far-reaching goals or try to overcome all of my problems at once. I know that I can do something for 24 hours that would overwhelm me if I had to keep it up for a lifetime.
JUST FOR TODAY, I will be happy. I will not dwell on thoughts that depress me. If my mind fills with clouds, I will chase them away and fill it with sunshine.
JUST FOR TODAY, I will accept what is. I will face reality. I will correct those things that I can correct and accept those I cannot.
JUST FOR TODAY, I will improve my mind. I will read something that requires effort, thought and concentration. I will not be a mental loafer.
JUST FOR TODAY, I will make a conscious effort to be agreeable. I will be kind and courteous to those who cross my path, and I'll not speak ill of others. I'll improve my appearance, speak softly, and not interrupt when someone else is talking. Just for today, I'll refrain from improving anybody but myself.
JUST FOR TODAY, I will gather the courage to do what is right and take responsibility for my own actions.
JUST FOR TODAY, I will do something positive to improve my health. If I'm overweight, I'll eat healthily -- if only just for today. And not only that, I'll get off the couch and take a brisk walk, even if it's only around the block.
***I bid everyone a happy 2009***
Love, Controversy
--Agatha Christie
People don't ever seem to realize that doing what's right is no guarantee against misfortune.
--William McFee
Hatred paralyzes life; love releases it.
Hatred confuses life; love harmonizes it.
Hatred darkens life; love illumines it.
--Martin Luther King, Jr.
Your living is determined not so much by what life brings to you as by the attitude you bring to life; not so much by what happens to you as by the way your mind looks at what happens. Circumstances and situations do color life but you have been given the mind to choose what the color shall be.
--John Homer Miller
The summit of happiness is reached when a person is ready to be what he is.
--Erasmus
JUST FOR TODAY, I will live through this day only. I will not brood about yesterday or obsess about tomorrow. I will not set far-reaching goals or try to overcome all of my problems at once. I know that I can do something for 24 hours that would overwhelm me if I had to keep it up for a lifetime.
JUST FOR TODAY, I will be happy. I will not dwell on thoughts that depress me. If my mind fills with clouds, I will chase them away and fill it with sunshine.
JUST FOR TODAY, I will accept what is. I will face reality. I will correct those things that I can correct and accept those I cannot.
JUST FOR TODAY, I will improve my mind. I will read something that requires effort, thought and concentration. I will not be a mental loafer.
JUST FOR TODAY, I will make a conscious effort to be agreeable. I will be kind and courteous to those who cross my path, and I'll not speak ill of others. I'll improve my appearance, speak softly, and not interrupt when someone else is talking. Just for today, I'll refrain from improving anybody but myself.
JUST FOR TODAY, I will gather the courage to do what is right and take responsibility for my own actions.
JUST FOR TODAY, I will do something positive to improve my health. If I'm overweight, I'll eat healthily -- if only just for today. And not only that, I'll get off the couch and take a brisk walk, even if it's only around the block.
***I bid everyone a happy 2009***
Love, Controversy
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