Tear my heart open, my weakness is that I cared too much

Gods, I'm so tired. I am exhausted. Which was obvious by the fact that once I finally passed out sometime last night, I must've been out cold, because Sissa came in and out of my room today, and I didn't wake up until...after nine this morning? And I was out cold. I didn't even really hear her. I knew it had to be coming.

I'm feeling a little morose today. Sissa's trying to cheer me up, but I'm still kind of bumming. Can't put on my sunny smile all the time. I'll bounce back, I know I will. But it still hurts, you know? I'm hoping my book shows up quickly, so I have something to read. Self-help books for the win, right? Besides that, I like non-fiction books sometimes.

I'll probably be running in and out of Fresno Friday, so that I can see the doctor and pick up more stuff. I *might* be crashing there overnight, depending on how tomorrow's phone conversation goes. I'm hoping to not have to be stuck there for the entire weekend. If I can get the second half of what I need done on Saturday, I'll do that, and come back here Saturday right after, and if I can't, then I'm stuck. But I can hope. I don't really want to have to be there until Tuesday. Either way, I have to see the doctor Friday. Yay. Refills, and scheduling an MRI among other things. Being sick is a pain in my ass.

Things are going all right for me. I'm still somewhat conflicted inside of my head, but that's mostly because I just don't know what I want to do personally. I feel like I don't know what to do with my life, and that's very hard for me. Changing my whole life is very hard. And I'm scared. I'm not used to being this frightened. I never thought I would be afraid.

I do know that I need to do something different than what I was doing. Going around in circles was getting me nowhere. Walking in place did nothing for me. And staying in place and being in pain wasn't helping me or anyone else.


**Currently playing: Scars - Papa Roach**