Caught in an endless dream -- fearing to awaken

Poised on the brink, trembling. It could be such a fast, easy leap, right? Only I'm just not one to take those leaps.

We were just studying in one of my classes recently about left and right brain hemispheric dominance learning. I'm left-brain dominant. I tend to not look before I leap. I am solidly centered in reality, and have a plan, and follow the rules. Hell, if there aren't a prescribed set of rules, I'll even make out a set, so I have something to follow. There was a time, a long time ago, when I could go and did run amok, living a completely unstructured life. I was wild and free, and went anywhere I wanted without any thought for rules or restrictions or limitations. Packed my life into a bag, and ran free.

I'm not that person anymore, and I just can't do that now. I'm more of a creature of habit and planning, and a need for routine to feel secure. While I'll still take a spur-of-the-moment trip, I still need to do a little groundwork to make sure everything goes smoothly in my absence, and that I will have everything I need, both for my peace of mind, and for my health, in order to make sure I don't do something stupid like die while I'm having fun.

But things have been going very well recently, and I've been happy. So much so, that I almost fear to wake on some days, afraid that if I move too suddenly, it will all vanish as though it's a dream. Not to give the impression that my nightmares have suddenly stopped, or that everything is suddenly magically flawless, because it isn't. But things have been well, and I'm happy, and enjoying it.

Oh, yeah, and school's good.
Ok, end of post.

I'm not crazy, but if you stick around long enough, I might be

Hmmm. I was going to blog. Maybe I will later. What I wanted to write about has escaped me, and I am instead going to go prep a bunch of stuff I bought, and package it up, and then I'm going to do the rest of my homework, so I can play next week, without guilt. So how's that for responsibility?

!when the moon is in the seventh house...peace will guide the planets and love will steer the stars...the age of aquarius!

Yeah, or something. Harmony and understanding, mystic Crystal revelations, this is the dawning of Aquarius? So yeah, perhaps I'm just feeling a little like a musical, who knew? I truly think perhaps I'm losing my mind. If anyone picks it up, could you please return it, I might actually want it back someday?

I think the spinning is going to outpace me tonight and it's Benadryl coma time, and it's off to bed with me. On a side note, my refrigerator is full of perishables, due to high demand. *Someone* needs to cook things, because there are now things to cook. Lots of things, many things, all sort of random edible cookable things. Yep. Alright, off I go. Sleeeeep.

Will homework tomorrow. Er. Yeah. Something.
Bye.

seeing through a fractured mind

I took the thunderbird out tonight, and ran hard and fast over the freeway stretches, to slow my mind down. I had to do something, to make the chaos calm enough to think. Sometimes, not always, but sometimes, the pure adrenaline rush of speed poured on, makes it all calm. Tonight, at least it made it possible to think somewhat clearly.

I wish it was always that simple. I feel like I'm drowning again, and I'm not even certain why. Everything should be fine, and yet, my mind is on a constant flux, and every time I manage to get control, it vanishes into the ether, and I feel like I'm going to choke.

And I hate it.

Twittering

I refuse to twitter. I find that irritating and somewhat lame, mostly because, well, meh. On the other hand, I'm *just* lame enough, to have finally programmed my blog to accept the ability to post from my cell phone, as text-posts, because I was out the other night, and the post below struck my fancy, and wanted to post it, but didn't have my Mac with me, or a 'net connection nearby, and as a result, I set up the connection to be able to post that way. Ergo, blog-from-my-phone!

Ta-da!

Be the change you want to see in the world. Be alive. Laugh. Make love. Embrace all the small things and imprint the memories.

*watching the tubes*

So, I fired up my other accounts, dusted them off, and am now taking note of the tubes. They appear to be humming right along, and I'm a bit discombobulated, as it were. Not sure what I think about some of what I read, but c'est la vie, as I'm told quite a bit lately. Anyhow, I have plans this evening, that will be running through the weekend, and then yet more mountains of homework (don't I always?) to do. So, I hope everyone has a good and happy weekend, and is content with their world, as I am in mine these days.

Leave me comments, they amuse or uplift, or at least give me something to read from the voices in the abyss :)

Latez, peeps.