Which is nice. Whether it be because of a nice insulation of narcotics, or simply because the pain begins to dull, either way is nice.
Right now, it's a nice cloudy haze, but sometimes that isn't it. And I don't much care which.
There was a nice large bout of lying that went on recently, for reasons I'm still not clear on, some people went out of their way to lie to me. Truth would have served better, and the end result is that I'm now simply amused.
I can ferret out information on the internet fairly easily. And I'm a lot more internet savvy than certain others. Simply giving your profile a new 'name' doesn't hide who you are if you're trying to do that. Especially if you're doing silly things like joining domestic violence groups. Kind of shrieks "this is me" at the top of your digital voice. But whatever.
And the ironic part of my having a brand-spanking-new digital identity online somewhere, and having only one or two people having access to that account? Makes it *very* easy for me to track who is watching and reading what I put there. Especially since I blocked out some of them from seeing the things I wrote there. I know who is reading what I write. I know when, and how often. Yes, I set it up as bait. And those people simply couldn't resist running directly to it, and reading it regularly.
It's pretty funny, at least to me. Online stalkers for the win.
They say imitation is the most sincere form of flattery. Well, let me tell you, I'm tired of being flattered. A couple of people will actually grasp that. Sadly, those people won't even admit to having conversations with me, which is sort of amusing in and of itself. Such is life. That's a rant for some other day.
I'm going to go back to bed shortly, after I finish writing and editing an essay that I wrote at the beginning of last week, and turning it back into the online writing center, because I..well, mostly because I can. And then I'll send in my review for yet a different class, and do a couple of other random assignments. And then I'll sleep for another twenty or so hours, attempting to make up for the drain on my energy that I put myself through last week.
Bye.
Sunday, November 9, 2008
Saturday, November 8, 2008
Let the rain fall down
The speech came, the speech went, the rain falls, the drugs are ingested, and I'm going back to sleep now. Goodnight.
Friday, November 7, 2008
30 hours, 4 pots of coffee, and feeling a little manic
I just started brewing the fifth pot of coffee, and I suspect that in a half an hour when I take my medication for the night, I'll be following it with sleeping pills, or I'll be still so over-wired I won't be able to crash out. I worked straight through for probably twenty hours overall, and rehearsed for another about two. I *think* I have it stable at 7 minutes. Pretty sure. Argument centered on the Equal Protection Rights Act of the Fourteenth Amendment, using court cases from 1948 here in California, 1958 in Virginia, upheld in the Federal Supreme Court in 1967, and a combination analogy in 2005, wrapped together showing that marriage should be genderless, and is a protected right for all men, with "men" also defined as genderless for the purposes of law.
And for fuck's sake, don't even get me started. And just to add to my very quickly modified ending, the day after Prop 8 passed? The ACLU was already in the California Supreme Court submitting the appeal, on November 5, 2008. So yes, I even have the source cited for that.
Ladies and gentlemen, that would be a Statement of Fact, for those of you who were wondering. It is a statement of fact, that the right to be married to the person of your choice is supported by the Equal Protection Rights Act of the Fourteenth Amendment. And then, blah blah blah.
I used the topical pattern for the argument, although it still seems to not be an argument per se, so much as a presentation, but whatever. It's 'rehearsal' until tomorrow, at which it will be 'presented', and then Sunday, I'll be putting together my opposite viewpoint for the speech in two weeks, and I have that under control as well.
The opposite viewpoint doesn't sit as well with me as this one does, but it isn't as abhorrent to me as what I was going to have to do, so I'll suck it up and deal. It's an assignment, and I'll do it. I'm looking forward to the last speech of the class, the one that's three minutes, and fun. Doesn't take as much work either.
I finally got back something from the Online Tutorial Center that was helpful too, and I'll be slogging my way through modifying that on Sunday too, for the final draft next weekend. I want to be able to re-submit it to them, and see if the modifications work, so I have to get it done Sunday. But I liked their suggestions and I'm going to give a good healthy attempt to changing per their suggestions.
Looks like I'm looking at about three hundred dollars for books next semester too. Ugh. Such is life. Wouldn't be hurting as much if the bird hadn't just required new shoes. C'est la vie.
And for fuck's sake, don't even get me started. And just to add to my very quickly modified ending, the day after Prop 8 passed? The ACLU was already in the California Supreme Court submitting the appeal, on November 5, 2008. So yes, I even have the source cited for that.
Ladies and gentlemen, that would be a Statement of Fact, for those of you who were wondering. It is a statement of fact, that the right to be married to the person of your choice is supported by the Equal Protection Rights Act of the Fourteenth Amendment. And then, blah blah blah.
I used the topical pattern for the argument, although it still seems to not be an argument per se, so much as a presentation, but whatever. It's 'rehearsal' until tomorrow, at which it will be 'presented', and then Sunday, I'll be putting together my opposite viewpoint for the speech in two weeks, and I have that under control as well.
The opposite viewpoint doesn't sit as well with me as this one does, but it isn't as abhorrent to me as what I was going to have to do, so I'll suck it up and deal. It's an assignment, and I'll do it. I'm looking forward to the last speech of the class, the one that's three minutes, and fun. Doesn't take as much work either.
I finally got back something from the Online Tutorial Center that was helpful too, and I'll be slogging my way through modifying that on Sunday too, for the final draft next weekend. I want to be able to re-submit it to them, and see if the modifications work, so I have to get it done Sunday. But I liked their suggestions and I'm going to give a good healthy attempt to changing per their suggestions.
Looks like I'm looking at about three hundred dollars for books next semester too. Ugh. Such is life. Wouldn't be hurting as much if the bird hadn't just required new shoes. C'est la vie.
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Wow. There were other candidates.
Besides McCain and Obama. I knew that, actually. But the fact that someone I used to know might actually have voted for one of them, absolutely amazes me.
I wouldn't have wanted to see Palin in the White House. The idea turns my stomach. But Alan Keyes *Really*??? Seriously? A bible-toting, gay-bashing, let's abolish abortion asshole? Someone actually voted for *that*??
*WHY*??????
I have apparently no taste other than the ability to ascertain what the ice cream flavor is, obviously. Thank whatever the reigning deity of the day is, that the likes of Alan Keyes won't ever make it into a position of power in this country. WTF were you thinking, dude?
Vote your conscience my ass. And let me guess, you voted for him, *and* managed to vote "No on 8" at the same time? Because *that* makes sense, right?
I wouldn't have wanted to see Palin in the White House. The idea turns my stomach. But Alan Keyes *Really*??? Seriously? A bible-toting, gay-bashing, let's abolish abortion asshole? Someone actually voted for *that*??
*WHY*??????
I have apparently no taste other than the ability to ascertain what the ice cream flavor is, obviously. Thank whatever the reigning deity of the day is, that the likes of Alan Keyes won't ever make it into a position of power in this country. WTF were you thinking, dude?
Vote your conscience my ass. And let me guess, you voted for him, *and* managed to vote "No on 8" at the same time? Because *that* makes sense, right?
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
...chances...changes...
Election day was yesterday, and welcome to our new President-Elect Barack Obama. I'm actually very excited that he's been elected, although I missed his acceptance speech, and McCain's concession speech. I'll check them out on YouTube later tonight, after I finish up my homework. I'm disappointed, intensely disappointed, in California for having passed Prop 8. It saddens me more than I can say.
My horoscope today was kind of amusing, it warned me to beware of things coming back into my life.
And I got a friend request on MySpace today, from Joy. My response? I didn't add her, I simply sent a message to the effect of "Are you kidding?". Because honestly, you dump on me, drop me, and destroy my things while I'm out of town...and then wander back in, and shoot me a friend request as though everything is fine? No, somehow I don't think so. I've had enough of that to last a lifetime.
My playlist on this site has begun to reflect my moods, at least the top selections do, now that I know how to sort through them. So I suppose be warned? If it updates for whatever reason, and there suddenly seems to be a theme? There's probably something going on with me, and I'm in a mood. Nothing new there, I'm always in one mood or another.
Oh. And the frame rates on the new machine, running two instances of WoW simultaneously, along with a chat program, two browsers, and a handful of other things? They're running 40+ FPS. It's *sweet* that it can run that, while in flight, across the Outlands on one continent, and across Kalimdor on the other. Sweet.
Anyhow. I'm slogging through schoolwork, although my grades appear to be holding steady, as long as I can maintain it. It's wearing on me, and emotionally I'm starting to slip. No, there's nothing to be done about it. I'm going to be going onto some tester anti-depressants, and I don't much want to talk about it. I'll be handling it with my doctor, and my therapists. But I don't want anyone telling me I didn't say anything either. If anyone thinks I have emotional extra to help out, no, I don't, I'm sorry. I've gotten to the end of my tether, and I'm simply holding it together the best I can, and while I don't feel like sitting around over coffee sharing feelings, it isn't anything personal against anyone. I just...need to deal.
Next semester, where I don't have to come into contact with actual people, will be better. Except for the stint in April where I have to deal with San Francisco, I can just kind of hide in my little hole, and that will help me tremendously. That's what I need more than anything, is to be left alone, and not have to handle strangers. It's been doing me in, the having to come into contact with people I don't know. I've faked it very well, but ultimately, I rushed headlong into it, and I'm glad I got it over with, but it's been stressful, and I won't try it again for a while.
I'll be looking into Cera Coso, so that I can do more steadily online courses than FCC offers. Thanks Sissa.
My horoscope today was kind of amusing, it warned me to beware of things coming back into my life.
And I got a friend request on MySpace today, from Joy. My response? I didn't add her, I simply sent a message to the effect of "Are you kidding?". Because honestly, you dump on me, drop me, and destroy my things while I'm out of town...and then wander back in, and shoot me a friend request as though everything is fine? No, somehow I don't think so. I've had enough of that to last a lifetime.
My playlist on this site has begun to reflect my moods, at least the top selections do, now that I know how to sort through them. So I suppose be warned? If it updates for whatever reason, and there suddenly seems to be a theme? There's probably something going on with me, and I'm in a mood. Nothing new there, I'm always in one mood or another.
Oh. And the frame rates on the new machine, running two instances of WoW simultaneously, along with a chat program, two browsers, and a handful of other things? They're running 40+ FPS. It's *sweet* that it can run that, while in flight, across the Outlands on one continent, and across Kalimdor on the other. Sweet.
Anyhow. I'm slogging through schoolwork, although my grades appear to be holding steady, as long as I can maintain it. It's wearing on me, and emotionally I'm starting to slip. No, there's nothing to be done about it. I'm going to be going onto some tester anti-depressants, and I don't much want to talk about it. I'll be handling it with my doctor, and my therapists. But I don't want anyone telling me I didn't say anything either. If anyone thinks I have emotional extra to help out, no, I don't, I'm sorry. I've gotten to the end of my tether, and I'm simply holding it together the best I can, and while I don't feel like sitting around over coffee sharing feelings, it isn't anything personal against anyone. I just...need to deal.
Next semester, where I don't have to come into contact with actual people, will be better. Except for the stint in April where I have to deal with San Francisco, I can just kind of hide in my little hole, and that will help me tremendously. That's what I need more than anything, is to be left alone, and not have to handle strangers. It's been doing me in, the having to come into contact with people I don't know. I've faked it very well, but ultimately, I rushed headlong into it, and I'm glad I got it over with, but it's been stressful, and I won't try it again for a while.
I'll be looking into Cera Coso, so that I can do more steadily online courses than FCC offers. Thanks Sissa.
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
In fits and spurts
I'm sort of running, from the new machine. It may or may not actually continue to work. I'll say this, it's insanely fast. But I have no idea whether or not it's working properly. I'm currently attempting to install Warcraft, for sixth time, having had zero success the first five times.
I *do* have the internet working, obviously. I managed to go the operating system working, got the motherboard drivers installed, albeit with several crashes involved there. I installed drivers for the video card, although I have no idea whether or not they're working properly, since I had video installed before, as I could see the monitor. Everything is very *small* now. Much higher resolution than I'm accustomed to. Makes my monitor seem much bigger. Very peculiar.
Very nice man named Richard spent a couple hours here fixing some plumbing stuff in my apartment, he's a musician from Los Angeles, moved back here to take care of his parents. Runs his father's business. About six years older than I am. I helped him figure out how to find musicians on the internet, as he didn't realize that's how you meet local musicians now, and he said he'll be back around tomorrow. Hehe. Incidentally, he's finished working on my apartment. LOL.
Yes, I voted. Blizzard is slow for downloading. Sigh. I got a lot of homework done today, while I was sitting at Jo's, waiting for new shoes to be put on the Thunderbird. Turns out the tires were pretty well shot to hell, and it's just as well I picked up a nail, or that could have been very bad. Three of them were so far shot that they could have blown out at any time. So the bird has new shoes. Poor bird.
This whole month has been really freaking expensive. I may end up going back to work soon, money might end up getting tight if things don't stop being expensive. This is ridiculous. But I couldn't risk having a tire blow with me behind the wheel, I'm not stupid enough to take the chance.
I have a bunch of doc appointments scheduled for the next two weeks, bloodwork and whatnot, regular stuff. Got all my classes for spring semester lined up, slated for Psychology, Health, Intro to linguistics, and Typing. Yes, I know, basic typing is a bonehead course, but hey, everyone needs a little fluff. Still 13 units, thank you very much.
I *do* have the internet working, obviously. I managed to go the operating system working, got the motherboard drivers installed, albeit with several crashes involved there. I installed drivers for the video card, although I have no idea whether or not they're working properly, since I had video installed before, as I could see the monitor. Everything is very *small* now. Much higher resolution than I'm accustomed to. Makes my monitor seem much bigger. Very peculiar.
Very nice man named Richard spent a couple hours here fixing some plumbing stuff in my apartment, he's a musician from Los Angeles, moved back here to take care of his parents. Runs his father's business. About six years older than I am. I helped him figure out how to find musicians on the internet, as he didn't realize that's how you meet local musicians now, and he said he'll be back around tomorrow. Hehe. Incidentally, he's finished working on my apartment. LOL.
Yes, I voted. Blizzard is slow for downloading. Sigh. I got a lot of homework done today, while I was sitting at Jo's, waiting for new shoes to be put on the Thunderbird. Turns out the tires were pretty well shot to hell, and it's just as well I picked up a nail, or that could have been very bad. Three of them were so far shot that they could have blown out at any time. So the bird has new shoes. Poor bird.
This whole month has been really freaking expensive. I may end up going back to work soon, money might end up getting tight if things don't stop being expensive. This is ridiculous. But I couldn't risk having a tire blow with me behind the wheel, I'm not stupid enough to take the chance.
I have a bunch of doc appointments scheduled for the next two weeks, bloodwork and whatnot, regular stuff. Got all my classes for spring semester lined up, slated for Psychology, Health, Intro to linguistics, and Typing. Yes, I know, basic typing is a bonehead course, but hey, everyone needs a little fluff. Still 13 units, thank you very much.
Saturday, November 1, 2008
A repost from MySpace bulletins
When you're walking, do you stop to drink?
Not generally, if I have a bottle of something to drink with me.
Otherwise, what would I drink?
Do you believe that if you want something bad enough you'll get it?
I used to believe that, I'm not so sure anymore.
Have you ever kissed someone in a vehicle?
Yes, of course.
Ever snuck out of your house?
Why would I sneak out of my house?
Kill or Be killed?
Kill.
Break someone’s heart or have your heart broken?
My heart seems to be the one that gets broken.
What did you do today?
Played online, did an absurd amount of laundry, was informed about the upcoming "Sword of Truth" show premiering tonight, and spent time with Shawn & Melissa.
Would you ever get a tattoo?
Nope.
What was the last thing you ate?
A pita bread, plain. I should really go and find something more nutritious to eat.
Are you a morning person or a night person?
Neither.
My sleep pattern is completely fucked, and I honestly don't know anymore
Do you snore?
Yup.
Do you know anyone who has gotten an abortion?
Yes.
What would you do if you opened up your front door to a dead body?
Figure that I'd finally complete lost it, and just close the door again.
Do you like to spend time with people?
It sort of depends on who the people are.
Are you hungry?
Yes, as a matter of fact.
Are you a forgiving person?
I can be, but I've gotten really tired over the years of being walked on, and have started requiring more than just basic bullshit excuses for being stomped on.
When was the last time you did the dishes?
This afternoon.
Are you talking to anyone while doing this?
No.
What are you about to do?
Finish up some homework, and then change out yet more laundry, and take some more painkillers. Haven't really thought beyond that.
Have you ever thought someone died, when they really didn't?
No, as a general rule, when I think someone died, they stay dead.
If you could be a superhero what would you want to do?
Time travel seems like a good one.
Your name plus "ness"?
Crysness. That sounds lame.
Three feelings at the moment?
Exhausted, contemplative, and peckish.
Done anything you regret so far in life?
Two things. And they're none of your business.
Are you listening to anything?
Nothing, it's silent here.
Where are you right now?
Sitting at home, filling out this survey.
What are you scared of?
What I'm going to do, and whether or not the plans I want will pan out.
Last movie you watched?
I watched about three minutes of "Happy Feet" this afternoon, does that count?
Last song you sang out loud?
"Shattered" by OAR
Who is the last person you talked to on the phone?
Jeremiah and Josh
Last thing you downloaded on your computer?
Mozilla Firefox
Have you changed much this year?
Yes.
Where was the last place you went besides where you are?
Longs Drugs
Has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity?
No.
Do you speak any other language?
Yes.
Do you dress for style or comfort?
Comfort.
Ever had a drunken night in Mexico?
Nope.
What's the craziest thing you've done?
Threw my entire life out the window on a whim, and then spent the next year trying to figure out what I was going to do next.
Favorite color(s)?
Silver and blue
What is your favorite Nickelback song?
Far Away. I like the lyrics.
What are you looking forward to this summer?
Summer just ended. Thank the gods. Next summer, I'm hoping to go to Montana.
Last time you smiled?
I don't smile often...
If you could have anything in the world, what would you want?
To be understood, and things to not hurt anymore.
Not generally, if I have a bottle of something to drink with me.
Otherwise, what would I drink?
Do you believe that if you want something bad enough you'll get it?
I used to believe that, I'm not so sure anymore.
Have you ever kissed someone in a vehicle?
Yes, of course.
Ever snuck out of your house?
Why would I sneak out of my house?
Kill or Be killed?
Kill.
Break someone’s heart or have your heart broken?
My heart seems to be the one that gets broken.
What did you do today?
Played online, did an absurd amount of laundry, was informed about the upcoming "Sword of Truth" show premiering tonight, and spent time with Shawn & Melissa.
Would you ever get a tattoo?
Nope.
What was the last thing you ate?
A pita bread, plain. I should really go and find something more nutritious to eat.
Are you a morning person or a night person?
Neither.
My sleep pattern is completely fucked, and I honestly don't know anymore
Do you snore?
Yup.
Do you know anyone who has gotten an abortion?
Yes.
What would you do if you opened up your front door to a dead body?
Figure that I'd finally complete lost it, and just close the door again.
Do you like to spend time with people?
It sort of depends on who the people are.
Are you hungry?
Yes, as a matter of fact.
Are you a forgiving person?
I can be, but I've gotten really tired over the years of being walked on, and have started requiring more than just basic bullshit excuses for being stomped on.
When was the last time you did the dishes?
This afternoon.
Are you talking to anyone while doing this?
No.
What are you about to do?
Finish up some homework, and then change out yet more laundry, and take some more painkillers. Haven't really thought beyond that.
Have you ever thought someone died, when they really didn't?
No, as a general rule, when I think someone died, they stay dead.
If you could be a superhero what would you want to do?
Time travel seems like a good one.
Your name plus "ness"?
Crysness. That sounds lame.
Three feelings at the moment?
Exhausted, contemplative, and peckish.
Done anything you regret so far in life?
Two things. And they're none of your business.
Are you listening to anything?
Nothing, it's silent here.
Where are you right now?
Sitting at home, filling out this survey.
What are you scared of?
What I'm going to do, and whether or not the plans I want will pan out.
Last movie you watched?
I watched about three minutes of "Happy Feet" this afternoon, does that count?
Last song you sang out loud?
"Shattered" by OAR
Who is the last person you talked to on the phone?
Jeremiah and Josh
Last thing you downloaded on your computer?
Mozilla Firefox
Have you changed much this year?
Yes.
Where was the last place you went besides where you are?
Longs Drugs
Has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity?
No.
Do you speak any other language?
Yes.
Do you dress for style or comfort?
Comfort.
Ever had a drunken night in Mexico?
Nope.
What's the craziest thing you've done?
Threw my entire life out the window on a whim, and then spent the next year trying to figure out what I was going to do next.
Favorite color(s)?
Silver and blue
What is your favorite Nickelback song?
Far Away. I like the lyrics.
What are you looking forward to this summer?
Summer just ended. Thank the gods. Next summer, I'm hoping to go to Montana.
Last time you smiled?
I don't smile often...
If you could have anything in the world, what would you want?
To be understood, and things to not hurt anymore.
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