How's that for a title for tonight? And truth be told, I kind of do like this interesting light-headed buzzed feeling that's going on in my head lately. If this is what 'high' feels like, I sort of understand now why people pursue that. My old anti-depressant never did this, and so this is rather an interesting feeling, and I like it.
Not so much with the feeling before I started taking this one. The 'everything sucks and I kept crying' feeling. Not because anyone was making me particularly miserable. Let's face it, my cat looking at me funny was kind of making me cry on some days. If the cups were on the wrong counters, or a book was not lined up correctly, it was heartbreaking. Not so much with the emotional stability there.
I'm sure a lot of people have seen the advertisements on the television "Depression Hurts"? Well, it truly does. Physically in addition to emotionally. Everything just aches, and it drains all of the energy out of your body, and it kind of feels as though life just seems to not be worth living. No point in getting out of bed, and sleep just seems so much more appealing than *anything* else. And you can be angry or irritable, if someone tries to pull you out of that depression, because it's hard to want to do anything, except hide, and facing the world becomes more and more difficult.
Minor problems start to seem huge, and facing anything just seems insurmountable. Sometimes the idea of trying to decide what to eat is too much, and that's enough to send you into hiding.
https://www.google.com/health/ref/Major+depression
Overview
Major depression is when a person has five or more symptoms of depression for at least 2 weeks. These symptoms include feeling sad, hopeless, worthless, or pessimistic. In addition, people with major depression often have behavior changes, such as new eating and sleeping patterns.
Symptoms
* Agitation, restlessness, and irritability
* Dramatic change in appetite, often with weight gain or loss
* Extreme difficulty concentrating
* Fatigue and lack of energy
* Feelings of hopelessness and helplessness
* Feelings of worthlessness, self-hate, and inappropriate guilt
* Inactivity and withdrawal from usual activities, a loss of interest or pleasure in activities that were once enjoyed (such as sex)
* Thoughts of death or suicide
* Trouble sleeping or excessive sleeping
Depression can appear as anger and discouragement, rather than as feelings of hopelessness and helplessness. If depression is very severe, there may also be psychotic symptoms, such as hallucinations and delusions. These symptoms may focus on themes of guilt, inadequacy, or disease.
http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/depression/complete-index.shtml
For resources on depression, because there are many types, and many ways to treat it. But the simple fact is that major depression isn't just going to go away on its own. You aren't going to just wake up one morning, and have everything be sunshine and happiness again. It takes work, it takes help, it takes *accepting* help. All the hoping in the world sometimes just isn't enough, and taking the first step, and accepting that there's a problem can *literally* be a lifesaver.
Not to sound like an after-school special, but if you know someone who shows the signs of major depression, care enough to notice, and speak up, and to encourage them to seek treatment. The consequences can be catastrophic if left to continue down a very slippery slope.
The simple fact is that it only takes people to remain silent, for something to go wrong, and for people to think that nobody cares. Instead of being the person who looks around, and thinks "Oh, you know, he/she's such a good person for helping (insert whoever's name here), be the person you think that about. Be what you want to see in the world.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
The Psychopath, Sociopath, or Socialized Psychopath - The Social Bully
Source: http://chericola57.tripod.com/infinite.html
THE PSYCHOPATH NEXT DOOR
Psychopath. We hear the word and images of Bernardo, Manson and Dahmer pop into our heads; no doubt Ted Bundy too. But they're the bottom of the barrel -- most of the two million psychopaths in North America aren't murderers. They're our friends, lovers and co-workers. They're outgoing and persuasive, dazzling you with charm and flattery. Often you aren't even aware they've taken you for a ride -- until it's too late.
Psychopaths exhibit a Jekyll and Hyde personality. "They play a part so they can get what they want," says Dr. Sheila Willson, a Toronto psychologist who has helped victims of psychopaths. The guy who showers a woman with excessive attention is much more capable of getting her to lend him money, and to put up with him when he strays. The new employee who gains her co-workers' trust has more access to their chequebooks. And so on. Psychopaths have no conscience and their only goal is self-gratification. Many of us have been their victims -- at work, through friendships or relationships -- and not one of us can say, "a psychopath could never fool me."
Think you can spot one? Think again. In general, psychopaths aren't the product of broken homes or the casualties of a materialistic society. Rather they come from all walks of life and there is little evidence that their upbringing affects them. Elements of a psychopath's personality first become evident at a very early age, due to biological or genetic factors. Explains Michael Seto, a psychologist at the Centre for Addiction and Mental health in Toronto, by the time that a person hits their late teens, the disorder is almost certainly permanent. Although many clinicians use the terms psychopath and sociopath interchangeably, writes psychopath expert Robert Hare on his book 'Without Conscience', a sociopath's criminal behavior is shaped by social forces and is the result of a dysfunctional environment.
Psychopaths have only a shallow range of emotions and lack guilt, says Hare. They often see themselves as victims, and lack remorse or the ability to empathize with others. "Psychopaths play on the fact that most of us are trusting and forgiving people," adds Seto. The warning signs are always there; it's just difficult to see them because once we trust someone, the friendship becomes a blinder.
Even lovers get taken for a ride by psychopaths. For a psychopath, a romantic relationship is just another opportunity to find a trusting partner who will buy into the lies. It's primarily why a psychopath rarely stays in a relationship for the long term, and often is involved with three or four partners at once, says Willson. To a psychopath, everything about a relationship is a game. Willson refers to the movie 'Sliding Doors' to illustrate her point. In the film, the main character comes home early after just having been fired from her job. Only moments ago, her boyfriend has let another woman out the front door. But in a matter of minutes he is the attentive and concerned boyfriend, taking her out to dinner and devoting the entire night to comforting her. All the while he's planning to leave the next day on a trip with the other woman.
The boyfriend displays typical psychopathic characteristics because he falsely displays deep emotion toward the relationship, says Willson. In reality, he's less concerned with his girlfriend's depression than with making sure she's clueless about the other woman's existence. In the romance department, psychopaths have an ability to gain your affection quickly, disarming you with words, intriguing you with grandiose plans. If they cheat you'll forgive them, and one day when they've gone too far, they'll leave you with a broken heart (and an empty wallet). By then they'll have a new player for their game.
The problem with their game is that we don't often play by their rules. Where we might occasionally tell a white lie, a psychopath's lying is compulsive. Most of us experience some degree of guilt about lying, preventing us from exhibiting such behavior on a regular basis. "Psychopaths don't discriminate who it is they lie to or cheat," says Seto. "There's no distinction between friend, family and sucker."
No one wants to be the sucker, so how do we prevent ourselves from becoming close friends or getting into a relationship with a psychopath? It's really almost impossible, say Seto and Willson. Unfortunately, laments Seto, one way is to become more suspicious and less trusting of others. Our tendency is to forgive when we catch a loved one in a lie. "Psychopaths play on this fact," he says. "However, I'm certainly not advocating a world where if someone lies once or twice, you never speak to them again." What you can do is look at how often someone lies and how they react when caught. Psychopaths will lie over and over again, and where other people would sincerely apologize, a psychopath may apologize but won't stop.
Psychopaths also tend to switch jobs as frequently as they switch partners, mainly because they don't have the qualities to maintain a job for the long haul. Their performance is generally erratic, with chronic absences, misuse of company resources and failed commitments. Often they aren't even qualified for the job and use fake credentials to get it. Seto talks of a patient who would get marketing jobs based on his image; he was a presentable and charming man who layered his conversations with educational and occupational references. But it became evident that the man hadn't a clue what he was talking about, and was unable to hold down a job.
How do you make sure you don't get fooled when you're hiring someone to baby-sit your child or for any other job? Hire based on reputation and not image, says Willson. Check references thoroughly. Psychopaths tend to give vague and inconsistent replies. Of course the best way to solve this problem would be to cure psychopaths of their 'illness.' But there's no recipe for treating them, say psychiatrists. Today's traditional methods of psychotherapy (psychoanalysis, group and one-on-one therapy) and drug treatments have failed. Therapy is more likely to work when an individual admits there's a problem and wants to change. The common problem with psychopaths, says Sets, "Is they don't see a problem with their behavior."
Psychopaths don't seek therapy willingly, says Seto. Rather, they're pushed into it by a desperate relative or by a court order. To a psychopath, a therapist is just one more person who must be conned, and the psychopath plays the part right until the therapist is convinced of his or her 'rehabilitation.'
Even though we can't treat psychopaths effectively with therapy, it doesn't mean we can't protect ourselves, writes Hare. Willson agrees, citing the most important factor in keeping psychopaths at bay is to know your vulnerabilities. We need to "realize our own potential and maximize our strengths" so that our insecurities don't overcome us. Because, she says, a psychopath is a chameleon who becomes "an image of what you haven't done for yourself." Over time, she says, "their appearance of perfection will begin to crack," but by that time you will have been emotionally and perhaps financially scathed. There comes a time when you realize there's no point in searching for answers; the only thing is to move on.
Taken in part from MW -- By Caroline Konrad -- September 1999
THE MALIGNANT PERSONALITY:
These people are mentally ill and extremely dangerous! The following precautions will help to protect you from the destructive acts of which they are capable.
First, to recognize them, keep the following guidelines in mind.
(1) They are habitual liars. They seem incapable of either knowing or telling the truth about anything.
(2) They are egotistical to the point of narcissism. They really believe they are set apart from the rest of humanity by some special grace.
(3) They scapegoat; they are incapable of either having the insight or willingness to accept responsibility for anything they do. Whatever the problem, it is always someone else's fault.
(4) They are remorselessly vindictive when thwarted or exposed.
(5) Genuine religious, moral, or other values play no part in their lives. They have no empathy for others and are capable of violence. Under older psychological terminology, they fall into the category of psychopath or sociopath, but unlike the typical psychopath, their behavior is masked by a superficial social facade.
If you have come into conflict with such a person or persons, do the following immediately!
(1) Notify your friends and relatives of what has happened.
Do not be vague. Name names, and specify dates and circumstances. Identify witnesses if possible and provide supporting documentation if any is available.
(2) Inform the police. The police will do nothing with this information except to keep it on file, since they are powerless to act until a crime has been committed. Unfortunately, that often is usually too late for the victim. Nevertheless, place the information in their hands.
Obviously, if you are assaulted or threatened before witnesses, you can get a restraining order, but those are palliative at best.
(3) Local law enforcement agencies are usually under pressure if wealthy or politically powerful individuals are involved, so include state and federal agencies as well and tell the locals that you have. In my own experience, one agency that can help in a pinch is the Criminal Investigation Division of the Internal Revenue Service or (in Canada) Victims Services at your local police unit. It is not easy to think of the IRS as a potential friend, but a Swedish study showed that malignant types (the Swedes called them bullies) usually commit some felony or other by the age of twenty. If the family is wealthy, the fact may never come to light, but many felonies involve tax evasion, and in such cases, the IRS is interested indeed. If large amounts of money are involved, the IRS may solve all your problems for you. For obvious reasons the Drug Enforcement Agency may also be an appropriate agency to approach. The FBI is an important agency to contact, because although the FBI does not have jurisdiction over murder or assault, if informed, they do have an active interest in any other law enforcement agencies that do not follow through with an honest investigation and prosecution should a murder occur. Civil rights are involved at that point. No local crooked lawyer, judge, or corrupt police official wants to be within a country mile if that comes to light! It is in such cases that wealthy psychopaths discover just how firm the "friends" they count on to cover up for them really are! Even some of the drug cartel biggies will scuttle for cover if someone picks up the brick their thugs hide under. Exposure is bad for business.
(4) Make sure that several of your friends have the information in the event something happens to you. That way, an appropriate investigation will follow if you are harmed. Don't tell other people who has the information, because then something bad could happen to them as well. Instruct friends to take such an incident to the newspapers and other media.
If you are dealing with someone who has considerable money, you must realize that they probably won't try to harm you themselves, they will contract with someone to make the hit. The malignant type is a coward and will not expose himself or herself to personal danger if he or she can avoid it.
Profile of the Sociopath
This summarizes some of the common features of descriptions of the behavior of sociopaths.
* Glibness and Superficial Charm
* Manipulative and Conning
They never recognize the rights of others and see their self-serving behaviors as permissible. They appear to be charming, yet are covertly hostile and domineering, seeing their victim as merely an instrument to be used. They may dominate and humiliate their victims.
* Grandiose Sense of Self
Feels entitled to certain things as "their right."
* Pathological Lying
Has no problem lying coolly and easily and it is almost impossible for them to be truthful on a consistent basis. Can create, and get caught up in, a complex belief about their own powers and abilities. Extremely convincing and even able to pass lie detector tests.
* Lack of Remorse, Shame or Guilt
A deep seated rage, which is split off and repressed, is at their core. Does not see others around them as people, but only as targets and opportunities. Instead of friends, they have victims and accomplices who end up as victims. The end always justifies the means and they let nothing stand in their way.
* Shallow Emotions
When they show what seems to be warmth, joy, love and compassion it is more feigned than experienced and serves an ulterior motive. Outraged by insignificant matters, yet remaining unmoved and cold by what would upset a normal person. Since they are not genuine, neither are their promises.
* Incapacity for Love
* Need for Stimulation
Living on the edge. Verbal outbursts and physical punishments are normal. Promiscuity and gambling are common.
* Callousness/Lack of Empathy
Unable to empathize with the pain of their victims, having only contempt for others' feelings of distress and readily taking advantage of them.
* Poor Behavioral Controls/Impulsive Nature
Rage and abuse, alternating with small expressions of love and approval produce an addictive cycle for abuser and abused, as well as creating hopelessness in the victim. Believe they are all-powerful, all-knowing, entitled to every wish, no sense of personal boundaries, no concern for their impact on others.
* Early Behavior Problems/Juvenile Delinquency
Usually has a history of behavioral and academic difficulties, yet "gets by" by conning others. Problems in making and keeping friends; aberrant behaviors such as cruelty to people or animals, stealing, etc.
* Irresponsibility/Unreliability
Not concerned about wrecking others' lives and dreams. Oblivious or indifferent to the devastation they cause. Does not accept blame themselves, but blames others, even for acts they obviously committed.
* Promiscuous Sexual Behavior/Infidelity
Promiscuity, child sexual abuse, rape and sexual acting out of all sorts.
* Lack of Realistic Life Plan/Parasitic Lifestyle
Tends to move around a lot or makes all encompassing promises for the future, poor work ethic but exploits others effectively.
* Criminal or Entrepreneurial Versatility
Changes their image as needed to avoid prosecution. Changes life story readily.
Other Related Qualities:
1. Contemptuous of those who seek to understand them
2. Does not perceive that anything is wrong with them
3. Authoritarian
4. Secretive
5. Paranoid
6. Only rarely in difficulty with the law, but seeks out situations where their tyrannical behavior will be tolerated, condoned, or admired
7. Conventional appearance
8. Goal of enslavement of their victim(s)
9. Exercises despotic control over every aspect of the victim's life
10. Has an emotional need to justify their crimes and therefore needs their victim's affirmation (respect, gratitude and love)
11. Ultimate goal is the creation of a willing victim
12. Incapable of real human attachment to another
13. Unable to feel remorse or guilt
14. Extreme narcissism and grandiose
15. May state readily that their goal is to rule the world
(The above traits are based on the psychopathy checklists of H. Cleckley and R. Hare.)
NOTE: In the 1830's this disorder was called "moral insanity." By 1900 it was changed to "psychopathic personality." More recently it has been termed "antisocial personality disorder" in the DSM-III and DSM-IV. Some critics have complained that, in the attempt to rely only on 'objective' criteria, the DSM has broadened the concept to include too many individuals. The APD category includes people who commit illegal, immoral or self-serving acts for a variety of reasons and are not necessarily psychopaths.
DSM-IV Definition
Antisocial personality disorder is characterized by a lack of regard for the moral or legal standards in the local culture. There is a marked inability to get along with others or abide by societal rules. Individuals with this disorder are sometimes called psychopaths or sociopaths.
Diagnostic Criteria (DSM-IV)
1. Since the age of fifteen there has been a disregard for and violation of the rights of others, those rights considered normal by the local culture, as indicated by at least three of the following:
A. Repeated acts that could lead to arrest.
B. Conning for pleasure or profit, repeated lying, or the use of aliases.
C. Failure to plan ahead or being impulsive.
D. Repeated assaults on others.
E. Reckless when it comes to their or others safety.
F. Poor work behavior or failure to honor financial obligations.
G. Rationalizing the pain they inflict on others.
2. At least eighteen years in age.
3. Evidence of a Conduct Disorder, with its onset before the age of fifteen.
4. Symptoms not due to another mental disorder.
Antisocial Personality Disorder Overview (Written by Derek Wood, RN, BSN, PhD Candidate)
Antisocial Personality Disorder results in what is commonly known as a Sociopath. The criteria for this disorder require an ongoing disregard for the rights of others, since the age of 15 years. Some examples of this disregard are reckless disregard for the safety of themselves or others, failure to conform to social norms with respect to lawful behaviors, deceitfulness such as repeated lying or deceit for personal profit or pleasure, and lack of remorse for actions that hurt other people in any way. Additionally, they must have evidenced a Conduct Disorder before the age of 15 years, and must be at least 18 years old to receive this diagnosis.
People with this disorder appear to be charming at times, and make relationships, but to them, these are relationships in name only. They are ended whenever necessary or when it suits them, and the relationships are without depth or meaning, including marriages. They seem to have an innate ability to find the weakness in people, and are ready to use these weaknesses to their own ends through deceit, manipulation, or intimidation, and gain pleasure from doing so.
They appear to be incapable of any true emotions, from love to shame to guilt. They are quick to anger, but just as quick to let it go, without holding grudges. No matter what emotion they state they have, it has no bearing on their future actions or attitudes.
They rarely are able to have jobs that last for any length of time, as they become easily bored, instead needing constant change. They live for the moment, forgetting the past, and not planning the future, not thinking ahead what consequences their actions will have. They want immediate rewards and gratification. There currently is no form of psychotherapy that works with those with antisocial personality disorder, as those with this disorder have no desire to change themselves, which is a prerequisite. No medication is available either. The only treatment is the prevention of the disorder in the early stages, when a child first begins to show the symptoms of conduct disorder.
The Socialized Psychopath or Sociopath
Also known as the corporate psychopath, workplace psychopath, industrial psychopath and administrative psychopath.
Motivation: power, gratification, personal gain, survival
Mindset: manipulation, deception, evil
Malice: high to very high; when held accountable, off the scale
* Jekyll & Hyde personality
* always charming and beguilingly plausible, especially to those who are capable of protecting or enhancing the sociopath's position
* excels at deception (this must never be underestimated, but always is)
* excels at evasion of accountability
* is extremely and successfully manipulative of people's perceptions and emotions (eg guilt and anger)
* silver-tongued, has an extreme verbal facility and can outwit anybody (including a top barrister) in verbal conflict
* will often engineer himself or herself into a position of authority as gatekeeper of the organization and thus the person through whom all information must flow, and the person to whom all requests for services must be referred - which he or she then takes delight in denying
* is adept at offering weak and inadequate people the positions of power, control, security, influence or respect that they crave but who lack the necessary competencies to achieve - such people are unaware that their consequent dependence on the sociopath makes them permanent manipulatees, pawns and expendable agents of harassment
* identifies those essential to the sociopath's survival and manipulates their perceptions them by making them feel special and thus obligated to reciprocate with support and protection
* manipulates others into making fools of themselves in situations where they cannot back down or from which they cannot withdraw - these people become increasingly susceptible to further manipulation and are then trapped as pawns in the sociopath's game
* is likely to be surrounded by people who, having been subjected to control, manipulation and punishment by the sociopath, look wretched and who start to exhibit behavior best described as disordered, dysfunctional, sullen, aggressive, defensive, hostile, retaliatory, counterproductive or cult-like and for whom disbelief, disavowal and denial are instinctive responses
* creates an environment where levels of denial are so great that those involved are oblivious of the foolishness and self-evident absurdity of their denials when presented with the facts, with the result that non-involved observers are led to question whether such levels of denial merit psychiatric intervention
* is contemptuous of disrepute to their organization and of collateral damage and of the destructive consequences for all direct and indirect parties
* is always surrounded by and leaves behind a trail of dysfunctional organizations, destroyed businesses, ruined careers, stress breakdowns and unexplained suicides
* despite a trail of devastation to individuals, organizations, families and communities, the actions of a socialized psychopath may go undetected or unrecognized for years
* a history of conducting frivolous, vexatious and malicious legal actions, especially (but not exclusively) against anyone who can recognize the sociopath for what he is
* only after the sociopath is exposed and relieved of position, or they move on, can the full depth of their destructive behavior be fathomed and the consequences calculated
* is skilled at identifying, undermining, discrediting, neutralizing and destroying anyone who can see through the sociopath's mask of sanity
* at all times restricts the actions and rights of others (especially those holding the sociopath accountable) whilst aggressively protecting his or her right to do anything without being hampered by social norms or legal requirements
* pursues endless vindictive vendettas against anyone perceived as a threat or who attempts, knowingly or unknowingly, to identify or reveal or expose the sociopath, or who makes efforts to hold the sociopath accountable
* is adept at appropriating rules, regulations, procedures and law to manipulate, control and punish accusers regardless of relevance, logic, facts or consequences
* persists in and pursues vindictive vendettas using self-evidently false evidence or information, even after this is brought to the attention of the sociopath
* will often manipulate minor bullies of the Wannabe type (who on their own might or would not merit the label 'serial bully') into acting as agents of harassment and as unwitting or unwilling conductors of vendettas
* is adept at placing people in situations where the sociopath can tap into each person's instinctive urge to retaliate in order to use them as his or her instruments or agents of harassment
* gains gratification from provoking others into engaging in adversarial conflict
* once conflict has been initiated, the sociopath gains increased gratification by exploiting human beings' instinctive need to retaliate - this is achieved by encouraging and escalating peoples' adversarial conflicts into mutually assured destruction
* revels in the gratification gained from seeing or causing other people's distress
* when faced with accountability or unwelcome attention which might lead to others discerning the sociopath's true nature, responds with repeated and escalating attempts to control, manipulate and punish
* is adept at reflecting all accusations and attempts at accountability back onto their accusers
* is adept at creating conflict between those who would otherwise pool negative information about the sociopath
* has no limits on his or her vindictiveness
* the need to control, manipulate and punish develops into an obsession with many of the hallmarks of an addiction
* is skilled at mimicry and can plausibly and spontaneously regurgitate all the latest management jargon
* exhibits minimal professional skill level and competency
* exploits his or her intelligence to excel at talentless mediocrity
* is always identifying the behaviors and strategies to which other people respond with the desired effect
* is able to anticipate and credibly say what people want to hear
* is easily able to win people over before betraying them or deceiving them or ripping them off
* easily manipulates and bewitches an immature or naive or vulnerable or emotionally needy person to be their spokesperson or agent of aggression
* exploits anyone who has a vulnerability
* is pushy and extremely persuasive
* is sexually inadequate and sexually abusive
* is likely to protect anyone accused of or suspected of sexual abuse of pedophile activity, and will frustrate or obstruct investigations into that person
* maybe associating with, or actively involved in, abuse or pedophile activity
* has no emotions, no emotional processing capability and no ability to understand other's emotions
* is incapable of understanding, initiating or sustaining intimacy
* the male sociopath has often convinced a string of women to feel they are in love with him and despite being treated abominably they blindly continue to be loyal to him and minister willingly to his every demand
* may start projects with apparent enthusiasm and energy but quickly loses interest
* frequently takes unnecessary and uncalculated risks but takes no account of consequences
* is reckless and untrustworthy with money
* is likely to be illegally diverting or siphoning off significant sums of money to his or her own budget, project, account or cause
* is unreliable and untrustworthy in every facet of life
* is likely to be leaking confidential information or secrets to third parties
* is likely to have committed or be committing criminal or near-criminal offences, eg fraud, embezzlement, deception
* is likely to have committed or be committing breaches of harassment and discrimination law, employment law, contract law, etc
* disregards rules, regulations, Health and Safety requirements, professional standards, codes of conduct and legal requirements, etc
* cannot comprehend the deeper semantic meaning of language and is thus unable to understand or appreciate metaphor, hyperbole, irony, satire etc (these elicit either zero response or a hostile response)
* likes, seeks, enjoys and relies on procedure, ritual and ritualistic practices
* through arrogant overconfidence takes increasingly risky chances and eventually overplays their hand or makes a mistake which leads to the sociopath revealing him or herself
* exhibits parasitical behavior, takes everything and gives nothing
* grabs headline credit for minimal, flukey or other peoples' success whilst surviving off the backs of manipulatees who are exclusively blamed for all failures
* rarely blinks, may have staring scary eyes that cut right through you, or may avoid eye contact completely
* is callous, cold and calculating
* is devious, clever and cunning
* is ruthless in the extreme
* regards people as objects and playthings to be discarded when surplus to requirements
* displays zero empathy
* completely without conscience, remorse and guilt
* malicious and evil
THE PSYCHOPATH NEXT DOOR
Psychopath. We hear the word and images of Bernardo, Manson and Dahmer pop into our heads; no doubt Ted Bundy too. But they're the bottom of the barrel -- most of the two million psychopaths in North America aren't murderers. They're our friends, lovers and co-workers. They're outgoing and persuasive, dazzling you with charm and flattery. Often you aren't even aware they've taken you for a ride -- until it's too late.
Psychopaths exhibit a Jekyll and Hyde personality. "They play a part so they can get what they want," says Dr. Sheila Willson, a Toronto psychologist who has helped victims of psychopaths. The guy who showers a woman with excessive attention is much more capable of getting her to lend him money, and to put up with him when he strays. The new employee who gains her co-workers' trust has more access to their chequebooks. And so on. Psychopaths have no conscience and their only goal is self-gratification. Many of us have been their victims -- at work, through friendships or relationships -- and not one of us can say, "a psychopath could never fool me."
Think you can spot one? Think again. In general, psychopaths aren't the product of broken homes or the casualties of a materialistic society. Rather they come from all walks of life and there is little evidence that their upbringing affects them. Elements of a psychopath's personality first become evident at a very early age, due to biological or genetic factors. Explains Michael Seto, a psychologist at the Centre for Addiction and Mental health in Toronto, by the time that a person hits their late teens, the disorder is almost certainly permanent. Although many clinicians use the terms psychopath and sociopath interchangeably, writes psychopath expert Robert Hare on his book 'Without Conscience', a sociopath's criminal behavior is shaped by social forces and is the result of a dysfunctional environment.
Psychopaths have only a shallow range of emotions and lack guilt, says Hare. They often see themselves as victims, and lack remorse or the ability to empathize with others. "Psychopaths play on the fact that most of us are trusting and forgiving people," adds Seto. The warning signs are always there; it's just difficult to see them because once we trust someone, the friendship becomes a blinder.
Even lovers get taken for a ride by psychopaths. For a psychopath, a romantic relationship is just another opportunity to find a trusting partner who will buy into the lies. It's primarily why a psychopath rarely stays in a relationship for the long term, and often is involved with three or four partners at once, says Willson. To a psychopath, everything about a relationship is a game. Willson refers to the movie 'Sliding Doors' to illustrate her point. In the film, the main character comes home early after just having been fired from her job. Only moments ago, her boyfriend has let another woman out the front door. But in a matter of minutes he is the attentive and concerned boyfriend, taking her out to dinner and devoting the entire night to comforting her. All the while he's planning to leave the next day on a trip with the other woman.
The boyfriend displays typical psychopathic characteristics because he falsely displays deep emotion toward the relationship, says Willson. In reality, he's less concerned with his girlfriend's depression than with making sure she's clueless about the other woman's existence. In the romance department, psychopaths have an ability to gain your affection quickly, disarming you with words, intriguing you with grandiose plans. If they cheat you'll forgive them, and one day when they've gone too far, they'll leave you with a broken heart (and an empty wallet). By then they'll have a new player for their game.
The problem with their game is that we don't often play by their rules. Where we might occasionally tell a white lie, a psychopath's lying is compulsive. Most of us experience some degree of guilt about lying, preventing us from exhibiting such behavior on a regular basis. "Psychopaths don't discriminate who it is they lie to or cheat," says Seto. "There's no distinction between friend, family and sucker."
No one wants to be the sucker, so how do we prevent ourselves from becoming close friends or getting into a relationship with a psychopath? It's really almost impossible, say Seto and Willson. Unfortunately, laments Seto, one way is to become more suspicious and less trusting of others. Our tendency is to forgive when we catch a loved one in a lie. "Psychopaths play on this fact," he says. "However, I'm certainly not advocating a world where if someone lies once or twice, you never speak to them again." What you can do is look at how often someone lies and how they react when caught. Psychopaths will lie over and over again, and where other people would sincerely apologize, a psychopath may apologize but won't stop.
Psychopaths also tend to switch jobs as frequently as they switch partners, mainly because they don't have the qualities to maintain a job for the long haul. Their performance is generally erratic, with chronic absences, misuse of company resources and failed commitments. Often they aren't even qualified for the job and use fake credentials to get it. Seto talks of a patient who would get marketing jobs based on his image; he was a presentable and charming man who layered his conversations with educational and occupational references. But it became evident that the man hadn't a clue what he was talking about, and was unable to hold down a job.
How do you make sure you don't get fooled when you're hiring someone to baby-sit your child or for any other job? Hire based on reputation and not image, says Willson. Check references thoroughly. Psychopaths tend to give vague and inconsistent replies. Of course the best way to solve this problem would be to cure psychopaths of their 'illness.' But there's no recipe for treating them, say psychiatrists. Today's traditional methods of psychotherapy (psychoanalysis, group and one-on-one therapy) and drug treatments have failed. Therapy is more likely to work when an individual admits there's a problem and wants to change. The common problem with psychopaths, says Sets, "Is they don't see a problem with their behavior."
Psychopaths don't seek therapy willingly, says Seto. Rather, they're pushed into it by a desperate relative or by a court order. To a psychopath, a therapist is just one more person who must be conned, and the psychopath plays the part right until the therapist is convinced of his or her 'rehabilitation.'
Even though we can't treat psychopaths effectively with therapy, it doesn't mean we can't protect ourselves, writes Hare. Willson agrees, citing the most important factor in keeping psychopaths at bay is to know your vulnerabilities. We need to "realize our own potential and maximize our strengths" so that our insecurities don't overcome us. Because, she says, a psychopath is a chameleon who becomes "an image of what you haven't done for yourself." Over time, she says, "their appearance of perfection will begin to crack," but by that time you will have been emotionally and perhaps financially scathed. There comes a time when you realize there's no point in searching for answers; the only thing is to move on.
Taken in part from MW -- By Caroline Konrad -- September 1999
THE MALIGNANT PERSONALITY:
These people are mentally ill and extremely dangerous! The following precautions will help to protect you from the destructive acts of which they are capable.
First, to recognize them, keep the following guidelines in mind.
(1) They are habitual liars. They seem incapable of either knowing or telling the truth about anything.
(2) They are egotistical to the point of narcissism. They really believe they are set apart from the rest of humanity by some special grace.
(3) They scapegoat; they are incapable of either having the insight or willingness to accept responsibility for anything they do. Whatever the problem, it is always someone else's fault.
(4) They are remorselessly vindictive when thwarted or exposed.
(5) Genuine religious, moral, or other values play no part in their lives. They have no empathy for others and are capable of violence. Under older psychological terminology, they fall into the category of psychopath or sociopath, but unlike the typical psychopath, their behavior is masked by a superficial social facade.
If you have come into conflict with such a person or persons, do the following immediately!
(1) Notify your friends and relatives of what has happened.
Do not be vague. Name names, and specify dates and circumstances. Identify witnesses if possible and provide supporting documentation if any is available.
(2) Inform the police. The police will do nothing with this information except to keep it on file, since they are powerless to act until a crime has been committed. Unfortunately, that often is usually too late for the victim. Nevertheless, place the information in their hands.
Obviously, if you are assaulted or threatened before witnesses, you can get a restraining order, but those are palliative at best.
(3) Local law enforcement agencies are usually under pressure if wealthy or politically powerful individuals are involved, so include state and federal agencies as well and tell the locals that you have. In my own experience, one agency that can help in a pinch is the Criminal Investigation Division of the Internal Revenue Service or (in Canada) Victims Services at your local police unit. It is not easy to think of the IRS as a potential friend, but a Swedish study showed that malignant types (the Swedes called them bullies) usually commit some felony or other by the age of twenty. If the family is wealthy, the fact may never come to light, but many felonies involve tax evasion, and in such cases, the IRS is interested indeed. If large amounts of money are involved, the IRS may solve all your problems for you. For obvious reasons the Drug Enforcement Agency may also be an appropriate agency to approach. The FBI is an important agency to contact, because although the FBI does not have jurisdiction over murder or assault, if informed, they do have an active interest in any other law enforcement agencies that do not follow through with an honest investigation and prosecution should a murder occur. Civil rights are involved at that point. No local crooked lawyer, judge, or corrupt police official wants to be within a country mile if that comes to light! It is in such cases that wealthy psychopaths discover just how firm the "friends" they count on to cover up for them really are! Even some of the drug cartel biggies will scuttle for cover if someone picks up the brick their thugs hide under. Exposure is bad for business.
(4) Make sure that several of your friends have the information in the event something happens to you. That way, an appropriate investigation will follow if you are harmed. Don't tell other people who has the information, because then something bad could happen to them as well. Instruct friends to take such an incident to the newspapers and other media.
If you are dealing with someone who has considerable money, you must realize that they probably won't try to harm you themselves, they will contract with someone to make the hit. The malignant type is a coward and will not expose himself or herself to personal danger if he or she can avoid it.
Profile of the Sociopath
This summarizes some of the common features of descriptions of the behavior of sociopaths.
* Glibness and Superficial Charm
* Manipulative and Conning
They never recognize the rights of others and see their self-serving behaviors as permissible. They appear to be charming, yet are covertly hostile and domineering, seeing their victim as merely an instrument to be used. They may dominate and humiliate their victims.
* Grandiose Sense of Self
Feels entitled to certain things as "their right."
* Pathological Lying
Has no problem lying coolly and easily and it is almost impossible for them to be truthful on a consistent basis. Can create, and get caught up in, a complex belief about their own powers and abilities. Extremely convincing and even able to pass lie detector tests.
* Lack of Remorse, Shame or Guilt
A deep seated rage, which is split off and repressed, is at their core. Does not see others around them as people, but only as targets and opportunities. Instead of friends, they have victims and accomplices who end up as victims. The end always justifies the means and they let nothing stand in their way.
* Shallow Emotions
When they show what seems to be warmth, joy, love and compassion it is more feigned than experienced and serves an ulterior motive. Outraged by insignificant matters, yet remaining unmoved and cold by what would upset a normal person. Since they are not genuine, neither are their promises.
* Incapacity for Love
* Need for Stimulation
Living on the edge. Verbal outbursts and physical punishments are normal. Promiscuity and gambling are common.
* Callousness/Lack of Empathy
Unable to empathize with the pain of their victims, having only contempt for others' feelings of distress and readily taking advantage of them.
* Poor Behavioral Controls/Impulsive Nature
Rage and abuse, alternating with small expressions of love and approval produce an addictive cycle for abuser and abused, as well as creating hopelessness in the victim. Believe they are all-powerful, all-knowing, entitled to every wish, no sense of personal boundaries, no concern for their impact on others.
* Early Behavior Problems/Juvenile Delinquency
Usually has a history of behavioral and academic difficulties, yet "gets by" by conning others. Problems in making and keeping friends; aberrant behaviors such as cruelty to people or animals, stealing, etc.
* Irresponsibility/Unreliability
Not concerned about wrecking others' lives and dreams. Oblivious or indifferent to the devastation they cause. Does not accept blame themselves, but blames others, even for acts they obviously committed.
* Promiscuous Sexual Behavior/Infidelity
Promiscuity, child sexual abuse, rape and sexual acting out of all sorts.
* Lack of Realistic Life Plan/Parasitic Lifestyle
Tends to move around a lot or makes all encompassing promises for the future, poor work ethic but exploits others effectively.
* Criminal or Entrepreneurial Versatility
Changes their image as needed to avoid prosecution. Changes life story readily.
Other Related Qualities:
1. Contemptuous of those who seek to understand them
2. Does not perceive that anything is wrong with them
3. Authoritarian
4. Secretive
5. Paranoid
6. Only rarely in difficulty with the law, but seeks out situations where their tyrannical behavior will be tolerated, condoned, or admired
7. Conventional appearance
8. Goal of enslavement of their victim(s)
9. Exercises despotic control over every aspect of the victim's life
10. Has an emotional need to justify their crimes and therefore needs their victim's affirmation (respect, gratitude and love)
11. Ultimate goal is the creation of a willing victim
12. Incapable of real human attachment to another
13. Unable to feel remorse or guilt
14. Extreme narcissism and grandiose
15. May state readily that their goal is to rule the world
(The above traits are based on the psychopathy checklists of H. Cleckley and R. Hare.)
NOTE: In the 1830's this disorder was called "moral insanity." By 1900 it was changed to "psychopathic personality." More recently it has been termed "antisocial personality disorder" in the DSM-III and DSM-IV. Some critics have complained that, in the attempt to rely only on 'objective' criteria, the DSM has broadened the concept to include too many individuals. The APD category includes people who commit illegal, immoral or self-serving acts for a variety of reasons and are not necessarily psychopaths.
DSM-IV Definition
Antisocial personality disorder is characterized by a lack of regard for the moral or legal standards in the local culture. There is a marked inability to get along with others or abide by societal rules. Individuals with this disorder are sometimes called psychopaths or sociopaths.
Diagnostic Criteria (DSM-IV)
1. Since the age of fifteen there has been a disregard for and violation of the rights of others, those rights considered normal by the local culture, as indicated by at least three of the following:
A. Repeated acts that could lead to arrest.
B. Conning for pleasure or profit, repeated lying, or the use of aliases.
C. Failure to plan ahead or being impulsive.
D. Repeated assaults on others.
E. Reckless when it comes to their or others safety.
F. Poor work behavior or failure to honor financial obligations.
G. Rationalizing the pain they inflict on others.
2. At least eighteen years in age.
3. Evidence of a Conduct Disorder, with its onset before the age of fifteen.
4. Symptoms not due to another mental disorder.
Antisocial Personality Disorder Overview (Written by Derek Wood, RN, BSN, PhD Candidate)
Antisocial Personality Disorder results in what is commonly known as a Sociopath. The criteria for this disorder require an ongoing disregard for the rights of others, since the age of 15 years. Some examples of this disregard are reckless disregard for the safety of themselves or others, failure to conform to social norms with respect to lawful behaviors, deceitfulness such as repeated lying or deceit for personal profit or pleasure, and lack of remorse for actions that hurt other people in any way. Additionally, they must have evidenced a Conduct Disorder before the age of 15 years, and must be at least 18 years old to receive this diagnosis.
People with this disorder appear to be charming at times, and make relationships, but to them, these are relationships in name only. They are ended whenever necessary or when it suits them, and the relationships are without depth or meaning, including marriages. They seem to have an innate ability to find the weakness in people, and are ready to use these weaknesses to their own ends through deceit, manipulation, or intimidation, and gain pleasure from doing so.
They appear to be incapable of any true emotions, from love to shame to guilt. They are quick to anger, but just as quick to let it go, without holding grudges. No matter what emotion they state they have, it has no bearing on their future actions or attitudes.
They rarely are able to have jobs that last for any length of time, as they become easily bored, instead needing constant change. They live for the moment, forgetting the past, and not planning the future, not thinking ahead what consequences their actions will have. They want immediate rewards and gratification. There currently is no form of psychotherapy that works with those with antisocial personality disorder, as those with this disorder have no desire to change themselves, which is a prerequisite. No medication is available either. The only treatment is the prevention of the disorder in the early stages, when a child first begins to show the symptoms of conduct disorder.
The Socialized Psychopath or Sociopath
Also known as the corporate psychopath, workplace psychopath, industrial psychopath and administrative psychopath.
Motivation: power, gratification, personal gain, survival
Mindset: manipulation, deception, evil
Malice: high to very high; when held accountable, off the scale
* Jekyll & Hyde personality
* always charming and beguilingly plausible, especially to those who are capable of protecting or enhancing the sociopath's position
* excels at deception (this must never be underestimated, but always is)
* excels at evasion of accountability
* is extremely and successfully manipulative of people's perceptions and emotions (eg guilt and anger)
* silver-tongued, has an extreme verbal facility and can outwit anybody (including a top barrister) in verbal conflict
* will often engineer himself or herself into a position of authority as gatekeeper of the organization and thus the person through whom all information must flow, and the person to whom all requests for services must be referred - which he or she then takes delight in denying
* is adept at offering weak and inadequate people the positions of power, control, security, influence or respect that they crave but who lack the necessary competencies to achieve - such people are unaware that their consequent dependence on the sociopath makes them permanent manipulatees, pawns and expendable agents of harassment
* identifies those essential to the sociopath's survival and manipulates their perceptions them by making them feel special and thus obligated to reciprocate with support and protection
* manipulates others into making fools of themselves in situations where they cannot back down or from which they cannot withdraw - these people become increasingly susceptible to further manipulation and are then trapped as pawns in the sociopath's game
* is likely to be surrounded by people who, having been subjected to control, manipulation and punishment by the sociopath, look wretched and who start to exhibit behavior best described as disordered, dysfunctional, sullen, aggressive, defensive, hostile, retaliatory, counterproductive or cult-like and for whom disbelief, disavowal and denial are instinctive responses
* creates an environment where levels of denial are so great that those involved are oblivious of the foolishness and self-evident absurdity of their denials when presented with the facts, with the result that non-involved observers are led to question whether such levels of denial merit psychiatric intervention
* is contemptuous of disrepute to their organization and of collateral damage and of the destructive consequences for all direct and indirect parties
* is always surrounded by and leaves behind a trail of dysfunctional organizations, destroyed businesses, ruined careers, stress breakdowns and unexplained suicides
* despite a trail of devastation to individuals, organizations, families and communities, the actions of a socialized psychopath may go undetected or unrecognized for years
* a history of conducting frivolous, vexatious and malicious legal actions, especially (but not exclusively) against anyone who can recognize the sociopath for what he is
* only after the sociopath is exposed and relieved of position, or they move on, can the full depth of their destructive behavior be fathomed and the consequences calculated
* is skilled at identifying, undermining, discrediting, neutralizing and destroying anyone who can see through the sociopath's mask of sanity
* at all times restricts the actions and rights of others (especially those holding the sociopath accountable) whilst aggressively protecting his or her right to do anything without being hampered by social norms or legal requirements
* pursues endless vindictive vendettas against anyone perceived as a threat or who attempts, knowingly or unknowingly, to identify or reveal or expose the sociopath, or who makes efforts to hold the sociopath accountable
* is adept at appropriating rules, regulations, procedures and law to manipulate, control and punish accusers regardless of relevance, logic, facts or consequences
* persists in and pursues vindictive vendettas using self-evidently false evidence or information, even after this is brought to the attention of the sociopath
* will often manipulate minor bullies of the Wannabe type (who on their own might or would not merit the label 'serial bully') into acting as agents of harassment and as unwitting or unwilling conductors of vendettas
* is adept at placing people in situations where the sociopath can tap into each person's instinctive urge to retaliate in order to use them as his or her instruments or agents of harassment
* gains gratification from provoking others into engaging in adversarial conflict
* once conflict has been initiated, the sociopath gains increased gratification by exploiting human beings' instinctive need to retaliate - this is achieved by encouraging and escalating peoples' adversarial conflicts into mutually assured destruction
* revels in the gratification gained from seeing or causing other people's distress
* when faced with accountability or unwelcome attention which might lead to others discerning the sociopath's true nature, responds with repeated and escalating attempts to control, manipulate and punish
* is adept at reflecting all accusations and attempts at accountability back onto their accusers
* is adept at creating conflict between those who would otherwise pool negative information about the sociopath
* has no limits on his or her vindictiveness
* the need to control, manipulate and punish develops into an obsession with many of the hallmarks of an addiction
* is skilled at mimicry and can plausibly and spontaneously regurgitate all the latest management jargon
* exhibits minimal professional skill level and competency
* exploits his or her intelligence to excel at talentless mediocrity
* is always identifying the behaviors and strategies to which other people respond with the desired effect
* is able to anticipate and credibly say what people want to hear
* is easily able to win people over before betraying them or deceiving them or ripping them off
* easily manipulates and bewitches an immature or naive or vulnerable or emotionally needy person to be their spokesperson or agent of aggression
* exploits anyone who has a vulnerability
* is pushy and extremely persuasive
* is sexually inadequate and sexually abusive
* is likely to protect anyone accused of or suspected of sexual abuse of pedophile activity, and will frustrate or obstruct investigations into that person
* maybe associating with, or actively involved in, abuse or pedophile activity
* has no emotions, no emotional processing capability and no ability to understand other's emotions
* is incapable of understanding, initiating or sustaining intimacy
* the male sociopath has often convinced a string of women to feel they are in love with him and despite being treated abominably they blindly continue to be loyal to him and minister willingly to his every demand
* may start projects with apparent enthusiasm and energy but quickly loses interest
* frequently takes unnecessary and uncalculated risks but takes no account of consequences
* is reckless and untrustworthy with money
* is likely to be illegally diverting or siphoning off significant sums of money to his or her own budget, project, account or cause
* is unreliable and untrustworthy in every facet of life
* is likely to be leaking confidential information or secrets to third parties
* is likely to have committed or be committing criminal or near-criminal offences, eg fraud, embezzlement, deception
* is likely to have committed or be committing breaches of harassment and discrimination law, employment law, contract law, etc
* disregards rules, regulations, Health and Safety requirements, professional standards, codes of conduct and legal requirements, etc
* cannot comprehend the deeper semantic meaning of language and is thus unable to understand or appreciate metaphor, hyperbole, irony, satire etc (these elicit either zero response or a hostile response)
* likes, seeks, enjoys and relies on procedure, ritual and ritualistic practices
* through arrogant overconfidence takes increasingly risky chances and eventually overplays their hand or makes a mistake which leads to the sociopath revealing him or herself
* exhibits parasitical behavior, takes everything and gives nothing
* grabs headline credit for minimal, flukey or other peoples' success whilst surviving off the backs of manipulatees who are exclusively blamed for all failures
* rarely blinks, may have staring scary eyes that cut right through you, or may avoid eye contact completely
* is callous, cold and calculating
* is devious, clever and cunning
* is ruthless in the extreme
* regards people as objects and playthings to be discarded when surplus to requirements
* displays zero empathy
* completely without conscience, remorse and guilt
* malicious and evil
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Incredibly delighted
It was brought to my attention, and I'm not sure who it is that originally linked it, but I appreciate it greatly, that my "sociopathic tendencies" blog was picked up somewhere, and brought in heavy traffic, and as a result the keyword search put me at the #5 spot on Google.
Obviously, I'm thrilled. I guess I ought to put together more interesting or useful blogs more often, if somebody was linking me from somewhere big enough to bump me high up on the Google-meter.
*wanders off feeling quite content and pleased*
Obviously, I'm thrilled. I guess I ought to put together more interesting or useful blogs more often, if somebody was linking me from somewhere big enough to bump me high up on the Google-meter.
*wanders off feeling quite content and pleased*
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
On posting by "Invitation Only" blogspots
As someone who is a long-time poster here on Blogspot, and who has a fairly healthy following, and who pisses a *lot* of people off with my writing, and by my mere fact of being alive and breathing a good portion of the time, I'm going to sit and write this evening about 'Invitation Only' blogging.
For those who are joining us for the first time this evening, I don't pull punches on my blog here. I write about a whole variety of things, and I've actually covered topics that range from my how it feels to be a brain cancer survivor, to sociopaths, to how it feels to be an overweight woman in a thin society, and everything in between.
This place truly spans all things, depending on my mood. I locked it down, one time, due to a legal issue at the request of the local police department, and that only lasted about a week before I decided that I wasn't willing to be silenced by the idea of petty threats, when *someone else* was threatening me. I'm a firm believer in the right to free speech, and I admit that I say some completely snotty things on here from time to time.
This is my venting spot, and the place I feel free to express anything I damned well choose. But I have that freedom, and I find it somewhat sad, to see "Invitation Only" blogs, when they were once public.
I truly don't have a problem when someone starts a private blog, and it has always *been* a private blog. That makes perfect sense to me, as I have one of those myself. But when someone switches from one medium to the other, it shows that they're in some fashion ashamed of what they're writing, or that they fear what others think of them, and I find that sad.
Everyone who has enough confidence to post to the internet, and write things here, especially if they were already known and public, should have enough confidence in themselves to *continue* to be known as that public figure. Going into hiding because you're ashamed, or because you feel a need to hide something you're saying shows that you have two faces, and I find that to be pathetic.
Because I do write so publicly, and so many people see what I have to say, I have no respect for others who don't show the same honorable attitude I display.
I might be a complete bitch, but I'm honest about it. Everything I have to say about someone, is right there in front of them, displayed on these pages. There's no secret handshake that is necessary to access my words.
There is no "Invitation Only" here.
For those who are joining us for the first time this evening, I don't pull punches on my blog here. I write about a whole variety of things, and I've actually covered topics that range from my how it feels to be a brain cancer survivor, to sociopaths, to how it feels to be an overweight woman in a thin society, and everything in between.
This place truly spans all things, depending on my mood. I locked it down, one time, due to a legal issue at the request of the local police department, and that only lasted about a week before I decided that I wasn't willing to be silenced by the idea of petty threats, when *someone else* was threatening me. I'm a firm believer in the right to free speech, and I admit that I say some completely snotty things on here from time to time.
This is my venting spot, and the place I feel free to express anything I damned well choose. But I have that freedom, and I find it somewhat sad, to see "Invitation Only" blogs, when they were once public.
I truly don't have a problem when someone starts a private blog, and it has always *been* a private blog. That makes perfect sense to me, as I have one of those myself. But when someone switches from one medium to the other, it shows that they're in some fashion ashamed of what they're writing, or that they fear what others think of them, and I find that sad.
Everyone who has enough confidence to post to the internet, and write things here, especially if they were already known and public, should have enough confidence in themselves to *continue* to be known as that public figure. Going into hiding because you're ashamed, or because you feel a need to hide something you're saying shows that you have two faces, and I find that to be pathetic.
Because I do write so publicly, and so many people see what I have to say, I have no respect for others who don't show the same honorable attitude I display.
I might be a complete bitch, but I'm honest about it. Everything I have to say about someone, is right there in front of them, displayed on these pages. There's no secret handshake that is necessary to access my words.
There is no "Invitation Only" here.
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
A near miss
I almost crashed the Thunderbird. My legs went numb while I was driving home yesterday, and my already screwy depth perception got about 10 times worse, and I almost cracked the car up. Yes, obviously, I'm fine. I wasn't then, and by the time I actually got it parked safely into the stall, and got myself into the house, I just wanted to sit quietly and have a nice little emotional breakdown. Which is why none of you got phone calls.
And as I don't really want to be yelled at, or lectured (and I was *FINE* when I left the house, or I wouldn't have LEFT the house), and the medications that was causing the problem has now been abruptly stopped, such things should no longer be an issue.
Although my skin looks atrocious. I gather about 95% of people can safely take Plaquenil, without side effects. It would appear that I'm not one of those 95%. So what else is new? Rest assured that I'm not in any big hurry to be 'treated' for my RA just now in any form, since all that being 'treated' for it has done is completely thrash my skin, make me violently ill, and cause me to nearly wreck my car. Oh, and make my already pain-filled joint pain *worse* instead of better. Gee, thanks. Let me try "treating" it so it can "improve" my life a little more. Not in any rush to do that.
I've actually been more and more and more exhausted physically recently. And not just tired, but actually weak. Just trying to get the pitcher of water out of the refrigerator and pouring a glass sometimes is enough to make me want to take a nap, and that bothers me. I'm not certain what's changed, that's causing me to be getting so much weaker physically.
I forced myself today, to use the trampoline, and it took a while before I finally started to get a bit of energy. And I at least feel awake instead of wanting to go and crawl into bed to take yet another nap. I'm still physically tired, but my mind is less foggy than it's been in a while. So I figure I'll force myself into the daily exercise and see if it improves. *tips a hat in Sissy's direction for the suggestion*
There has been a lot of bad going around lately. People's lives are coming apart at the seams, or so it would appear. People whose lives I'm not actively involved in, but that I used to know. I still notice what goes on around me, and I still acknowledge when things suck. I don't wish harm on anyone, even from a distance.
A lot of people have passed on recently, and there's been a lot of pain and a lot of loss. It strikes me as peculiar that in the midst of all of that loss, instead of everyone clinging to each other, sometimes we push each other away. It's almost as though when we hurt the most, that's the time that we choose to inflict more. To...prove something? To make certain that nobody asks anything extra from us? I don't know.
I know that when I'm feeling uncertain and frightened and angry, I strike out at the people I want and love most. Counter-productive, I know. Utterly stupid. But I figure nobody can hurt me more than I can hurt myself, and if I leave first, no one can leave me. I won't give anyone the opportunity. Yay for therapy, which has taught me quite a lot over the years. I don't always do the stupid thing anymore, but I did that a lot, for a very long time.
I'm probably rambling, so everyone can take whatever I might have to say with a grain of salt, or they can find wisdom where they may.
I'm not particularly full of wisdom. No one ever listens to my advice. They ask for it, but no one actually heeds it. And then they come back later, and want to know why something went horribly wrong, and ask what they could have done to prevent such catastrophe? Honestly, I've sort of gotten to the point of just shrugging and patting people on the head and letting them say/think/do anything they like, because I tend to believe no one is really listening to whatever is coming out of my mouth anyway. They're mostly talking to me so they can hear themselves speak, and the occasionally word that filters through that I say confuses them.
I suspect we're both better off that way. Perhaps I'll test the theory sometime, and say what I'm truly thinking, and see if anyone actually notices the difference between my editing politically correct statements, the ones I'm using these days, and my actual thoughts, and see if they notice that I've changed what I'm saying most of the time. That might be fun. Of course, if someone actually is listening, I suppose people might stop speaking to me...then again, that being the case, if they get that mad, oh, hell with it. I think I'm getting a headache.
I'm going to go make a pot of tea, and start working on my Psychology assignment. Sadly, that will probably less confusing than my current line of reasoning. I'd rather debate Psych theory.
And as I don't really want to be yelled at, or lectured (and I was *FINE* when I left the house, or I wouldn't have LEFT the house), and the medications that was causing the problem has now been abruptly stopped, such things should no longer be an issue.
Although my skin looks atrocious. I gather about 95% of people can safely take Plaquenil, without side effects. It would appear that I'm not one of those 95%. So what else is new? Rest assured that I'm not in any big hurry to be 'treated' for my RA just now in any form, since all that being 'treated' for it has done is completely thrash my skin, make me violently ill, and cause me to nearly wreck my car. Oh, and make my already pain-filled joint pain *worse* instead of better. Gee, thanks. Let me try "treating" it so it can "improve" my life a little more. Not in any rush to do that.
I've actually been more and more and more exhausted physically recently. And not just tired, but actually weak. Just trying to get the pitcher of water out of the refrigerator and pouring a glass sometimes is enough to make me want to take a nap, and that bothers me. I'm not certain what's changed, that's causing me to be getting so much weaker physically.
I forced myself today, to use the trampoline, and it took a while before I finally started to get a bit of energy. And I at least feel awake instead of wanting to go and crawl into bed to take yet another nap. I'm still physically tired, but my mind is less foggy than it's been in a while. So I figure I'll force myself into the daily exercise and see if it improves. *tips a hat in Sissy's direction for the suggestion*
There has been a lot of bad going around lately. People's lives are coming apart at the seams, or so it would appear. People whose lives I'm not actively involved in, but that I used to know. I still notice what goes on around me, and I still acknowledge when things suck. I don't wish harm on anyone, even from a distance.
A lot of people have passed on recently, and there's been a lot of pain and a lot of loss. It strikes me as peculiar that in the midst of all of that loss, instead of everyone clinging to each other, sometimes we push each other away. It's almost as though when we hurt the most, that's the time that we choose to inflict more. To...prove something? To make certain that nobody asks anything extra from us? I don't know.
I know that when I'm feeling uncertain and frightened and angry, I strike out at the people I want and love most. Counter-productive, I know. Utterly stupid. But I figure nobody can hurt me more than I can hurt myself, and if I leave first, no one can leave me. I won't give anyone the opportunity. Yay for therapy, which has taught me quite a lot over the years. I don't always do the stupid thing anymore, but I did that a lot, for a very long time.
I'm probably rambling, so everyone can take whatever I might have to say with a grain of salt, or they can find wisdom where they may.
I'm not particularly full of wisdom. No one ever listens to my advice. They ask for it, but no one actually heeds it. And then they come back later, and want to know why something went horribly wrong, and ask what they could have done to prevent such catastrophe? Honestly, I've sort of gotten to the point of just shrugging and patting people on the head and letting them say/think/do anything they like, because I tend to believe no one is really listening to whatever is coming out of my mouth anyway. They're mostly talking to me so they can hear themselves speak, and the occasionally word that filters through that I say confuses them.
I suspect we're both better off that way. Perhaps I'll test the theory sometime, and say what I'm truly thinking, and see if anyone actually notices the difference between my editing politically correct statements, the ones I'm using these days, and my actual thoughts, and see if they notice that I've changed what I'm saying most of the time. That might be fun. Of course, if someone actually is listening, I suppose people might stop speaking to me...then again, that being the case, if they get that mad, oh, hell with it. I think I'm getting a headache.
I'm going to go make a pot of tea, and start working on my Psychology assignment. Sadly, that will probably less confusing than my current line of reasoning. I'd rather debate Psych theory.
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